I’m reading a fantastic book right now, “The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self Assurance”. This book came to my attention (not surprisingly) through one of our Sedona Soul Adventures clients. I am continually amazed at how many people come to Sedona Soul Adventures (both men and women) who are suffering from a lack of confidence, self assurance and self-esteem. Overwhelmingly, these are people who (on paper at least) would appear to have amazing lives. They’ve had wonderful careers, they’ve accomplished much in their life, but their sense of self is shaky.
And that sense of self, that basic foundation, is everything. If we don’t have that basic foundation, we have nothing on which to build.
When they first started writing the book, the authors used the terms “confidence” and “self-esteem” interchangeably. Through research and study, they discovered that confidence is more action oriented, while self-esteem (which they refer to as a vitally important cousin of confidence), is more related to our emotional make up. Self-esteem is all about how we feel about ourselves, as opposed to how we perform in the world. And, of course, if we don’t feel good about ourselves, it’s usually much more difficult to perform well in the world.
One of my favorite parts of this book is that they resurrect the test developed by Dr. Morris Rosenberg, the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale. Dr. Rosenberg developed this test in the mid-60’s but the whole self-esteem concept really took hold in the 70’s and this test is now considered to be the most widely-used self-esteem measure in social science research. It became the centerpiece of Dr. Rosenberg’s bestselling book, Conceiving the Self, which came out in 1979, the year I graduated from law school. I remember taking the test back then!
It is a quick and easy way to measure your self-esteem. As you take the test, it’s very important for you to answer the questions honestly. If you have half a brain, you’ll be able to easily figure out what the “correct” answer is, i.e., what is the answer you should give if you want to have a high self-esteem score. But, of course, that completely defeats the purpose. This isn’t a test for which the objective is to get a high score, the objective is to measure where you are on the self-esteem scale. As with everything in life, honesty is the best policy. Honesty will give you a true measure. As you read each question, you will have an immediate, intuitive response. Go with that.
Here’s the test. Answer the questions with one of the following four statements:
1. I feel that I am a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others.
2. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.
3. All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.
4. I am able to do things as well as most other people.
5. I feel I do not have much to be proud of.
6. I take a positive attitude toward myself.
7. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.
8. I wish I could have more respect for myself.
9. I certainly feel useless at times.
10. At times I think I am no good at all.
Calculate your score as follows:
For items 1, 2, 4, 6 and 7:
Strongly agree = 3
Agree = 2
Disagree = 1
Strongly disagree = 0
For items 3, 5, 8 9 and 10:
Strongly agree = 0
Agree = 1
Disagree = 2
Strongly disagree = 3
The scale ranges from 0 to 30. Scores between 25-30 reflect high self-esteem; scores between 15 and 25 are within normal range; scores below 15 suggest low self-esteem.
It’s interesting to me that in the past decade it seems like the concept of self-esteem has come under fire. I’m guessing that’s because too many schools and parents had the idea that if they just told their kids how fabulous they are (without any evidence or any additional work) they would end up with kids who have enormous self-esteem and confidence and that the children’s lives and accomplishments would be in direct correlation with their level of self-esteem. I.e., if we constantly tell kids how great they are and we’ll end up with happy and well-adjusted doctors, lawyers and ballerinas.
Well, we’ve all seen that’s not what’s happened with the last generation of children. Unless there is action taken, accompanying the encouragement, you can tell a kid (or anyone for that matter) til you’re blue in the face that they’re wonderful, but you’re probably not going to end up with a Rhodes Scholar just by telling them how fabulous they are. The encouragement has to be accompanied by action.
My nephew is a perfect example of this. From the time Jason was born, his father (my brother) was telling Jason how fabulous he is and that he could be, do or have anything he wanted. At the same time, Jason worked very hard, got great grades, excelled at sports and was held accountable by his parents for being a good person. Now Jason is an amazing physician, husband and father (his second child was just born in March) and a really great person. He’s the whole package. The perfect example of what high self-esteem plus action can do.
So how did you do? Did you get a high score? I guess the bigger question is, how have you done with your life?
Dr. Rosenberg defines self-esteem as “an overall evaluation of one’s worth or value”. If you don’t honestly have a high evaluation of your worth or value, if you’re afraid there might actually be something a little wrong with you, then you have a problem, my friend. How’s your self talk? Are you constantly telling yourself “I’m so bad.” “I’m so terrible”, or “I’m so stupid?”. Those are actually more accurate scales of where you are than even taking a test.
Do you value yourself highly? Is everything harmonious and wonderful in the major areas of your life (relationships, work, your physical body)? If everything isn’t harmonious and wonderful, there’s something you can do about it. Come to Sedona and do a Sedona Soul Adventures retreat. We’ll uncover and clear out the blocks that are keeping you from a real knowing and experiencing of your true self, your Highest Self. That’s the ultimate in self-esteem. Knowing and experiencing your true value.
Contact us now to have a no cost, no obligation consultation with one of our Angel Guides. They’ll engage you (or both of you, if it’s a couple) in deep conversation to discover what YOU need and what YOU want. Then they’ll design the perfect retreat of one-on-one sessions with our amazing practitioners (we have over 40!)
Click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. Or if you’d prefer, call us toll free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. The results are transformational and at their core is the self love you’ve been craving.
Wishing you a week filled with loving your cute self,
Debra Stangl, Founder
Eileen says her soul adventure empowered her to be her authentic self.
“My Sedona Soul Adventure was incredible. I feel so light, so openhearted, so expanded and empowered to be my authentic self. I feel so spiritually nourished. Thank you, to all of you at SSA for the fantastic work you do!”
Eileen G., Northport, Massachusetts
Come to Bali September 12 – 25, 2015
Come with Sedona Soul Adventures on another incredible, amazing trip to beautiful, mystical Bali, September 12-25. It’s truly the trip of a lifetime.
For all the information on the trip, including pricing, click here.
“Sedona Soul Adventures helps facilitate a unique and spiritual experience in Bali that you cannot get with any other type of tour. They help guide you to recognize the spiritual significance of the country, the sites and the people. That’s what is important to me in my everyday life and that is what I was looking to experience on this vacation.”