I was never me
Last week-end I saw the movie “Wild” with Reese Witherspoon playing Cheryl Strayed, who went on a journey of self discovery by hiking 1100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail after the death of her mother. This is a true story and when her mother finds out she’s about to die of cancer at the age of 45, her mother says
“I was never me. I was never in the driver’s seat of my life. I thought I had so much time.”
In the past few months I’ve lost two people. One was the husband of a dear friend, who passed away very unexpectedly the day after Christmas. The other was someone I was very close to in law school. One was 58, the other was 60 and they both left children who are in their twenties. I’m sure they both thought they had another 20-30 years to be here.
My own mother died at 51 and I was only 26. In the year before her death, she was still talking about the places she wanted to travel to and about building her ‘dream house’. She never got to do either of those things.
Sixteen years ago, I was in the same boat. I hated my work and felt that I couldn’t leave, I was in an unhappy marriage, I suddenly had money problems and was 40 pounds overweight. I felt completely stuck. There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed. I remember having the thought at some point that I was the age my mother was when she had first gotten ill. I remember so vividly having the thought “if I died tomorrow I would be so pissed off.” I would have felt that I had never really lived my life. I was doing everything I thought I was supposed to do and it had left me feeling almost nothing but anguish and despair. I could have echoed those words: “I never felt like I was me. I never felt like I was in the driver’s seat of my life”.
Is there anything worse than feeling that we’re not living the lives we’re supposed to be living? The loss of a child or a spouse is more painful, but that’s something over which we have no control. We do, however, have control over how we live our lives. We can live with joy and hope, or we can live in despair and anguish, like I did for so many years.
I thank God every day that 16 years ago I came to Sedona. It saved me. It saved my life. It made me finally take responsibility for my life and my happiness. I saw that I couldn’t blame anyone else for anything that had happened to me. I was creating all of it and I was creating it for a reason. I didn’t know what the reason was at that time, but I knew I could choose happiness over despair. Joy over anguish.
If you absolutely know that you were going to die in 6 months, would you be saying the words –
“I was never me.
I was never in the driver’s seat of my life.
I thought I had so much time.”?
Would you feel like your life has been well lived? Have you done what you set out to do?
Are you settling? Are you putting up with a mediocre job, a mediocre relationship, a mediocre body, a mediocre existence? That is NOT what you came here to do.
My three days in Sedona back in 1999 changed everything. I went home, and started making changes. It wasn’t easy, but as I look back I can see the Divine intervention that came in the minute I decided that I was going to be me and I was going to get myself in the driver’s seat of my life.
And I’ll never forget the day, 2 years later, when I sat in my kitchen watching trees blow in the wind and suddenly feeling this overwhelming sense of peace. And having the thought, “oh my God, if I died tomorrow it would be okay”. I finally had found the peace that I was seeking. Amazingly, nothing had happened that day, I was alone and feeling the grace that happens when the peace that is always there for us is finally allowed to descend upon us.
One year later I moved to Sedona and started Sedona Soul Adventures so that other people could have the same experience.
If you aren’t living your best life it’s time to start doing it. There’s no excuse not to. Please don’t send me a reply email and tell me you don’t have enough money — I was $50,000 in debt when I came to Sedona for the first time; don’t tell me you don’t have enough time — I was working 60-70 hours per week in my law practice, and don’t tell me you’re afraid it won’t work (we’ve been doing this for 13 years and it’s “worked” for thousands and thousands of people).
If you’re still reading this, you’re at a crossroads in your life. You know you have to do something. Are you going to do it? It’s your choice. You can choose mediocrity, or you can choose joy and hope and knowing that you have lived your life to its fullest. Or not. Your choice.
Diane says her soul adventure filled her with peace, love and joy!
“I never imagined after such a process I would be feeling so much lighter… clearer… and overflowing with so much peace… joy… love and light! What an amazing experience to say the least. I wish to extend to everyone at Sedona Soul Adventures and all the Practitioners who were all absolutely awesome that I worked with my deep love and warm-hearted gratitude! I will be back! Namaste’Namaste;’Namaste’”
Diane S., Vero Beach, Florida
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Or better yet, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
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Wishing you a week filled with joy and hope,