As many of you know, I got engaged in March. It was a complete surprise, I had no idea when we went on vacation to Aruba that he was planning to ask me to marry him (in the perfect setting, on the beach at sunset, with the most spectacular ring).
On one level, it was a surprise, but on another level I’ve realized since then that it was the culmination of a desire that had been borne within me a little over 18 months ago and looking back, I can see now what happened:
Does any of that make sense? Let me explain.
About three years ago, at a moment in my life when I was saying to everyone “I don’t want a relationship, I love my life”, suddenly a relationship appeared. I had been divorced for four years and there were lots of things about it that were really wonderful — he was smart, very well educated, attractive, fit, financially stable, and I thought he was an honest person and spiritually focused. But for the first time in a long time, I didn’t listen to that little voice inside my head and I ignored the weird vibrations that were literally keeping me awake at night.
The sudden discovery of lies and deceit was incredibly painful and humbling.
But the really great thing that came from that relationship, was that it made me realize I really did want someone to share my life with.
So I did what I do and what I tell everyone else to do. I made a list of what I wanted. Exactly what I wanted. I made the list as though I was waving my magic wand. I didn’t leave anything out just because it was too far out or too particular, or because it felt like I was asking for too much. Instead, I put in everything I wanted. All 21 items.
And then I set about figuring out what was holding me back from materializing my dream man. If you’ve read my book “The Journey to Happy, How Embracing The Concept That Nothing Is Wrong Can Transform Your Life”, you know I talk a lot in there about how we are all creating our own reality, what we think about is what we get and we are bringing in everything through our thoughts and beliefs and words and our energy.
So I started examining what I was thinking and feeling and to my horror, I realized I was indulging myself in some major “stinkin’ thinkin’”.
Because of everything that had happened in my previous marriage and my last relationship, I realized I was thinking things such as [guys who are reading this, I apologize in advance, but when you’ve been hurt, these are the thoughts you go to]:
But even worse, I realized that if I brought in a relationship while I was thinking and feeling all that, I would bring in a liar and a cheat, etc., etc.
So what it really came down to was – why would I want to mess up my beautiful life for some guy?
And the answer is (drum roll, please) – Love
We’re made to love. It’s as simple as that. God wants us to love. That’s why She gives us puppies and babies and ice cream. We come to this planet to experience all the emotions, but the really big emotion, the REALLY BIG ONE is love.
I know that, I’ve known it all my life, but I think I was hiding from it.
So the ending of the relationship 2 years ago, as painful as it was, had awakened in me a desire, a wanting to have that kind of ultimate connection again.
So I made my list. All 21 items.
And then guess what I did? I did what I tell everyone else to do all the time—I did a series of sessions with our practitioners because I knew the only way I was going to bring in what I wanted was to shift my limiting thoughts and beliefs and my energy so I would be a vibrational match to what I wanted – an honest, loving, smart, emotionally available, sexy, financially stable man who wanted a spiritually-centered relationship and who would love and adore me. Plus, I needed to really believe that I was worthy of that, that I wasn’t asking for too much and that it was possible. Sounds like kind of a tall order, doesn’t it?
I did a Radiant Heart Healing session that really helped me release the pain of the breakup and to open my heart again.
I did a Core Belief Transformation (actually more than one), shifting out of the beliefs that were no longer serving me (“men are liars”, “I’m not worthy”) and shifting into beliefs that would get me what I want (“men are doing the best they can, just like I am”, “I am loveable”, “I am desirable”).
I did an astrology reading that told me something might happen in a 6-month window in 2016-2017. That felt so far away!
I did an Emotional Clearing session to release my frustration that it felt so far away!
I did breathwork sessions which helped move me into the higher vibrations of compassion and love (including loving myself).
I did another Emotional Clearing session to bring me out of the vibration of “it’s never going to happen” and into the vibration of excited expectation.
I did a workshop with a friend in LA where she gave us these huge (plastic) diamond engagement rings, which I thought was a little bit corny, but she told us to focus on the ring and set the intention (and of course that is completely in alignment with creating the reality I wanted). When I got home, I put the ring in my makeup drawer, where I saw it everyday and just smiled.
And then I kind of forgot about it. I would meditate and I would flow energy toward “the list” and toward what I wanted. When I felt myself feel frustrated or afraid or sad, I would do something to switch that around.
My last relationship was a long distance relationship so of course I was telling myself I absolutely did not want a long distance relationship. I was on Match.com and I would get messages from men who lived far away and I developed this policy that if they lived further away than Phoenix, that I wouldn’t even respond to them. It felt rude, but what would happen is that if I responded and said I don’t want a long distance relationship, they would write back and say oh please, etc., etc. and that would start something so I just made this rule that I wouldn’t even respond to anyone more than 2 hours away.
Then suddenly, 2 weeks after I did a Core Belief Transformation session to release “it’s never going to happen”, I was in LA and sitting with my sister at the Casa del Mar hotel in Santa Monica watching the sunset. I received a message from a man in San Jose, California. I loved his photo and when I read his profile I just melted. I loved the combination of the work he was doing in the world, combined with the importance he placed on his spiritual life and that he was looking for a spiritually-centered partner. Although I “knew’ that nothing would come of this, I thought, I’m not going to be rude to this guy, I’m not going to diss him, I’m just going to tell him he’s too far away.
So I sent him an email that said “You look great, but you’re in San Jose.”
He wrote back and said “I know, I saw the insurmountable distance, but I saw your photo and I saw the work you’re doing in the world and I just wanted to let you know that there is someone out here who appreciates who you are”.
I showed the message to my sister and she said, “Good answer!”
I wrote him back, we emailed, we texted, we talked on the phone and Skype for hours on end, he came to Sedona for a visit and the rest is history. We got engaged in March, astounding me with an incredibly beautiful ring (remember the workshop and the plastic engagement ring?). He’s moving to Sedona next week.
There were 21 items on my list and he has all but one, “Has a grandbaby”. But he has a 21 year old son, so hopefully that’s in the future as well!
It’s so fascinating to me that even though I “knew” I didn’t want a long-distance relationship, I forgot to put on the list that I wanted someone who lives close by. Thank God I left that out!
Wounds from the past form our thoughts and beliefs and emotions about how we feel about everything and keep us from the happiness that is our birthright. Whether it’s a relationship, finding your life purpose, abundance, health – you name it. Focusing on what you want and clearing the blocks that are holding you back can completely change your life (or your relationship) around.
What’s holding you back? No matter what it is, we can help. I know it because I see it all the time with the people who come to us, but even more so in my own life. I’m so happy that I practice what I preach!
Talk to one of our Angel Guides today-there’s no cost or obligation
Contact us, talk to one of our Angel Guides, they are the ones who will custom design your retreat. They’ll connect with you (or both of you if it’s a couple) in deep conversation and get at the heart of what’s going on. Then they’ll custom design a retreat that will clarify what you want, clear out the blocks and take you from where you are to where you want to be.
Click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. Or if you’d prefer, call us toll free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. There’s no cost or obligation.
Do it now! We’re open 7 days a week because once you know you want to change your life, you want to be able to do it right away!
If you knew what could happen, you’d be contacting us right now.
Wishing you a week filled with big love,
Debra Stangl / Founder
Sedona Soul Adventures – Transforming Lives One Soul At A Time
Pam says her Soul Adventure was “much more than I dreamt it would be” and “I was able to unlock and open the door to my heart which had been shut so tightly for so long”
“My Sedona Soul Adventure was much more than I dreamt it would be. The competence and skill of the practitioners who are associated with Sedona Soul Adventures is beyond anything I have ever experienced over many years of walking my spiritual path and consulting with numerous qualified practitioners in the metaphysical healing arts. By the time I took the trip my ability to feel anything other than pain and sadness had pretty much shut down. Individual psychotherapy could not teach me to feel and release all of the emotions frozen in time that had been accumulating inside of me over my lifetime. The practitioners guided me safely into the realm of pure feeling which allowed me to release all of the old emotions buried deep inside-some of which my waking mind had long forgotten or was simply unaware of. True grace followed. It’s amazing to realize how much love and joy I was cutting myself off from in my effort to play it safe and hide my heart in order to avoid more pain. I was able to unlock and open the door to my heart which had been shut so tightly for so long. This was truly one of the greatest experiences in my life.”
Pam F., Wilmington, CT
We had a couple here last week who came to us saying they wanted more intimacy in their relationship. In their first sessions that they did separately (apart from each other), both of them admitted that they weren’t being honest with their partner about what was going on with them.
When their separate practitioners spoke with them about it, they each said the same thing: “I’m afraid she’ll/he’ll leave me.”. “I can’t be honest: he/she will be upset and won’t understand”.
In their individual sessions, we worked through where this came from. For her, she had grown up in a family where her father was having an affair, her mother knew about, but no one talked about it, because everyone was afraid of upsetting the apple cart.
For him, his mother had a very volatile personality. Every time his father said anything even close to the truth, his mother “went ballistic”. His father never felt safe telling his mother the truth. Likewise, he never felt safe telling his wife the truth.
In their emotional clearing sessions and breathwork sessions (which they did separately), they worked through these emotional blocks which had been there for so many years. Both of them said they felt so freed up, having all that gone.
When they came back together in their next couples sessions, they both freely (and with love) told the other how they were feeling about everything. And guess what? They had a huge emotional breakthrough with each other, they both feel the marriage is on a new foothold and they even did a ceremony at the end to renew their marriage vows.
Both of them were amazed at what happened. Rather, than signaling the end, the honesty brought them closer together than ever. Both of them knew that something wasn’t right, they both had that feeling. The “truth” for each of them turned out to be much less awful than they thought it was going to be. In fact, it turned everything around.
She told me later, “I thought this would be the end of our marriage, if he knew how I was really feeling. Now I really believe we’ll be together forever, plus we have the tools to deal with each other honestly moving forward.”
And that, of course, is the key. As someone who was a divorce attorney for 20 years and who now does so much work with couples, I can tell you the fastest, quickest, most efficient and surest way to have the relationship of your dreams (and this is true of couples or friends or relatives, any relationship of any type) is to be honest. You be honest and allow the other person to be honest.
It’s amazing to me how many people respond to this with – “I can’t be honest, if I was honest, he/she would leave me (or be angry with me, or would never understand or I’ll hurt them”, everyone’s got a story about why they can’t be honest). If you had that response, I will tell you my friend, unless and until you figure out a way to be honest with your partner (or your friend, or your parents, or your siblings, etc.), the relationship is doomed to failure. It may take awhile, it may die a slow, agonizing death, but it will die.
As John Bradshaw said so often in his work, “our dysfunction is as big as our secrets”.
And stop telling yourself that what you’re doing is telling little white lies. There is no such thing as a white lie, there are only lies. Period.
Allowing the other person to be honest and taking them off the hook. So if you say you want a good relationship, then that means you’re going to have to be honest AND you’re going to have to allow the other person to be honest. I’m sure many of you are telling yourself that you always allow the other person to be honest, but do you really? Honestly?
What happens when they even start to broach something that they know is going to be sensitive to you? Do you immediately have a reaction? Do you immediately get upset? Do you have an automatic reaction when it comes to certain things (what your partner “should” be doing, how they “should” be behaving, what they “should” be interested in, aware of, talking about, etc.). If you find yourself using the word “should” a lot (or thinking it), you’ve got yourself a problem.
It won’t be possible for your mate (or partner, or friend, or child, etc.) to be honest with you if you can’t provide a safe place where they can be honest with you. If they know they’re going to get blasted, guess what they do? They shut up. And who’s fault is that? Both of you, but you can only take responsibility for your part in this, not theirs.
The only way to allow them to safely be honest with you, is if you make a decision to take them off the hook for what’s going on. If you truly want them to be honest with you, it can only be done in the space of love, not the space of judgment.
There are many areas where judgment will be automatic and where you will be telling yourself, of course I must be angry/upset/not okay with this. Realize that I’m not talking about condoning or encouraging hurtful behavior. I’m talking about giving your partner the space to open up to you.
Sometimes after everything that’s gone on in a relationship, it’s not possible to simply start being honest with each other. Sometimes you need help. That’s when doing a Couples Retreat can be so perfect. It gives you the perfect setting to truly open to each other in a safe and caring environment with practitioners who know how to facilitate this in a loving way. Plus, you’ll leave with tools to continue to do this in your day to day life.
Contact us and speak to one of our Angel Guides (they’re the ones who will design your retreat). They’ll connect with you (or both of you if it’s a couples retreat) and get to the root of what’s happening. Then they’ll custom design your retreat of private sessions that will bring you into the relationship you’re craving.
Click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. Or if you’d prefer, call us toll free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. And remember, we’re even here for you on Sunday!
Wishing you a week filled with honesty,
Debra Stangl / Founder
Sedona Soul Adventures – Transforming Lives One Soul At A Time
“Our 12 year marriage was saved by Sedona Soul Adventures”
“After months of marriage counseling the “D” word was coming up more and more. After our Soul Adventure, our relationship is renewed, passionate, and loving. We are connected more than the day we married back 12 years ago. Our communication is better than ever, and our romance is better than ever. Our marriage is safe, and there is no turning back. Thank you to your entire team of loving and talented individuals for all you do.”
Frank & Valerie Farmington
Download your free copy of our “Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats”
Would you like to have more honesty in your relationship? Would you like to have more intimacy? Would you like to bring back the sizzle you had when you first came together?
Find out if a Couples Retreat is right for you. Get your questions answered about how our couples retreats work.
To get your free download Click here
I was sort of stunned by the reaction to my newsletter last week about Oprah. Whether you love her or hate her, she certainly evokes a reaction.
I don’t know why she is so strongly in my consciousness lately, but right after that I read another article she wrote and then I heard the craziest thing on NPR.
All of this has to do with busyness.
So the first part is what Oprah wrote in the last issue of O Magazine:
“For 25 years, I lived at 180 East Pearson in Chicago. Every morning at 6 o’clock, I was picked up in the basement garage of my towering building and driven to the basement of Harpo Studios, a 14-minute trip along darkened streets and the electrical hum of Michigan Ave. I’d work past 8 pm – many nights till 10. Only on weekends and in summer did I experience daylight”.
Then she goes on to say that getting outdoors (now that she has retired from her show) has restored her energy and centered her into wholeness.
The next thing was an incredible report on NPR. According to this study, the new status symbol in the United States is busyness. While it used to be that wealthy people who didn’t work were considered the high status people (“the idle rich”), now the busier you are, the more important you are considered to be, with higher status (as long as it’s work you actually want to be doing, not work you are being forced to do, just to make ends meet).
This is the result of research done by Neeru Paharia, a professor at Georgetown University. Her research has shown that the status symbol of leisure has been turned on its head, at least in the United States. In this day and age, we now attribute higher status, higher social standing to individuals who are always busy, always working hard, always spending many hours at work (again of their own volition, they want to be there).
How crazy is this?
It seems that everywhere we look, our culture is trying to make everyone crazier and crazier, more and more stressed, and more and more tense.
And then I think of Oprah going from one high rise building at 6 am and staying at another high rise building until 10 pm virtually every single night. I remember watching one of her shows when she was talking about and showing video of her working out at the specially designed gym she had at the Harpo studio. Never running, never walking outside, mainly working out on a treadmill under fluorescent lights.
Oprah has seen the difference it makes now that she’s not working the crazy hours and now that she’s spending time in nature as often as she can. In my newsletter last week, I talked about how she has finally discovered in just the past 2 years that she is whole, that she is “enough”. And now she shares that one of the ways she stays centered and whole is by spending as much time as possible in the outdoors.
After being a type A personality for most of my life and now having worked with clients at Sedona Soul Adventures for the past 15 years, my own unscientific research has shown me:
It helps a lot to be in Sedona. Look at those red rocks in the picture. Just looking at the red rocks makes me feel so good. And hiking the trails with my dog is a sure fire way to feel centered and balanced. Feeling the energy here just feels blissful.
But it goes deeper than that. It’s about making a decision about how you’re going to live your life. Are you going to live it being crazy busy or are you going to live it feeling centered and grounded and happy and fulfilled? It truly is a choice that we are making in every moment.
I want to urge you to make a decision to live the life that is centered and grounded. I know that’s easier said than done, but as a recovering Type A personality, I know it’s possible. And I can guarantee you, it’s much more satisfying.
The question is, how do you make that shift? When I came to Sedona for the first time in 1999, I had just started my 20th year of law practice as a divorce attorney and I had 175 active cases. Talk about busy and crazy! It was that time in Sedona that started the process of me changing my life. Leaving my law practice and ultimately founding Sedona Soul Adventures in 2002.
But I had to learn how to be different. It wasn’t something I inherently knew how to do. Working with the practitioners in Sedona changed everything for me.
Could it change everything for you? I know it can. Come to Sedona and find the peace you’re looking for. We’ll help you come into that centered and grounded space and give you the tools to keep on doing that every day after you go home.
How long are you going to wait to have the peace and connection you’re craving? My recommendation is to not wait a minute longer.
Speak with one of our Angel Guides (they are the ones who will custom design your retreat). They’ll custom design a retreat of private one-on-one (or two-on-one if it’s a couples retreat) sessions with the master practitioners of Sedona (we have over 50!) which will take you from where you are to where you want to be. Click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. Or if you’d prefer, call us toll free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. And remember, we’re even here for you on Sunday!
Wishing you a week filled with feeling calm and centered,
Debra Stangl / Founder
Sedona Soul Adventures – Transforming Lives One Soul At A Time
Melissa says her “life changing” Soul Adventure gave her peace, connection and clarity
“I would recommend Soul Adventures to anyone who is looking for peace and connection. It is truly a life-changing experience that is so personal and so profound that I would urge anyone who is seeking personal growth to do this. I came away with so many gifts and insights that my life experience has truly been enriched and my perspective now comes from a place of peace and clarity.”
Melissa L., Ft. Pierce, Florida
We still have one space left for the Peru trip – June 17-30
I’m getting so excited about our Peru trip! It’s just a little over month away and it’s going to be so incredible. I’ve talked to so many people lately who have told me that Machu Picchu is on their bucket list. Is it on yours? If so, grab the last space that we have left. You’ll be glad you did!
Experiencing these amazing places, spending 2 weeks with our incredible shaman, Jorge Luis Delgado, traveling with other like-minded adventurers — it’s life changing.
Join me on this amazing journey.
For all the information on all the amazing things we do each day – Click here
For all the information on pricing – Click here
“If you’re looking for deep and meaningful travel that connects you to other amazing people, takes you way behind the scenes and most important, creates the space for a deep dive into yourself, Debra and Sedona Soul Adventures has it down. Had I attempted to navigate my recent trip to Peru on my own, I’m confident I would have only experienced about 30% of the true magic Peru has to offer. Because the trip was so well organized and our guides were so knowledgeable, we experienced things every day that other travelers, lost on their own or stuffed in a tour bus, never got to see or feel. It was the trip of a lifetime and I am grateful and truly transformed.”
CEO, The Invisible Close
Send me an email if you have questions:
Or call me directly on my cell phone – 928/301-2896
Give yourself this gift – you’re worth it!
I love Oprah. I think Oprah has changed so many things for so many people. When you think of the background she came from — born into a very poor family, was sexually abused as a child — and then realize the heights she has reached and the influence she has had, it’s absolutely amazing.
I especially love that she has made spirituality so accessible to so many people.
So it was stunning to me to read an interview with her recently where she said:
“I was terrified of not being enough. Not being good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough. Trying to find the space of deep pain was harder for me. When I ended the show…for about two years I was completely off-balance”.
When I read that, my first thought was “Oh my gosh, if Oprah feels like that, what hope is there for the rest of us?”
It’s such a lesson, isn’t it? The money, the fame, the awards, the love of millions of fans — none of it was enough to make Oprah feel “enough”. And in the interview she says she knows people thinks she should automatically be happy because of her money. As she said in the interview, “I know a lot of rich people who are not happy.”
The other thing that amazed me was that she said:
“I never went to a therapist, ever. But I had so many therapists sitting in the chair across from me on the show.”
She was in all this pain and she wasn’t getting help for it? Oh my goodness, what is up with that? And she even had Dr. Phil at her disposal!
For me, Oprah’s pain and wounds are most evident in the struggles she’s had with her weight. I know that, like me, Oprah is a big believer in the work of Abraham, because she has interviewed Abraham (as channeled by Esther Hicks) a number of times (you can see the interviews on YouTube). Abraham’s philosophy is that weight (and health and abundance and everything else) is all about how we’re feeling and thinking and flowing our energy and our vibrations. As Abraham says, “It matters not what you eat, what matters is how you think and feel about what you’re eating”
I have such huge compassion for Oprah, because I had those struggles too for so many years. I talk about this in my book, “The Journey To Happy”. I “knew” the principles for many years, but it took me such a long time to finally figure out how to do it. Oprah has had such a public struggle with this and obviously has never been able to come to peace with it. My heart goes out to her.
The good news is that Oprah says that now finally, she feels a sense of “contentment”. She says it didn’t happen until just a few years ago, but how wonderful that it’s finally happened. She says:
“I’ve learned to love the whole of me..I’ve learned to turn off that negative voice in my head that complains about everything…I’ve really found this space within myself where everything is all right”.
That’s so interesting to me because the full title of my book is “The Journey To Happy: How Embracing The Concept Of Nothing Is Wrong Can Transform Your Life”. That really is the key. Finding that place where you really “get it” that nothing is wrong, where you feel that sense of peace and contentment. When that finally happened for me, it changed everything — my work, my relationships, I even dropped 40 pounds without diet or exercise, it just melted off!
So how do you get to that space? It took Oprah many years (according to the interview it didn’t happen until 2013). It took me many years and didn’t happen until I connected with the energy and the practitioners of Sedona back in 1999. How about you? How long are you going to wait to feel content, to feel balanced, to feel peace, to feel happy?
I would invite you to not wait a minute more. Life is too short, life is too precious to not be living it in a happy, joyful, connected way. Come to Sedona and do a Soul Adventure. I promise you, it will change your life.
When you connect with us, you’ll speak with one of our Angel Guides (they are the ones who will custom design your retreat). They’ll engage with you (or both of you, if it’s a couples retreat) and get to the root of what’s holding you back, what’s causing the trouble, what’s giving you pain. Then they’ll custom design a retreat of private one-on-one (or two-on-one if it’s a couples retreat) sessions with the master practitioners of Sedona (we have over 50!) which will take you from where you are to where you want to be. Click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. Or if you’d prefer, call us toll free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Angel Guides will call you. And remember, we’re even here for you on Sunday!
As I say all the time, If you knew what could happen, you’d be contacting us right now!
Wishing you a week filled with feeling like you are more than enough,
Debra Stangl / Founder
Eileen says her Soul Adventure “changed my life”
“I was at a point in my life where after a few rough years, I simply needed some help, I sought it and found Sedona Soul Adventures. This experience has changed my life, it centered me, allowed me to see the amazing life I already have and appreciate it, it has given me direction and an idea about how I want my future to be. I was extremely impressed and grateful for the customized sessions for my particular needs and the quality of the practitioners and SSA staff. Thank you Sedona Soul Adventures!”
Eileen G., Northport, Maine
Download your free copy of “The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats” or “The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats”
Is a Sedona Soul Adventure right for you? Get one of our beautiful guides which will answer all your questions and give you all the information about our amazing, life changing, transformational retreats.
To download a copy of “The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats” Click here.
To download a copy of “The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats” Click here.