Want a GREAT relationship (or anything else?) Make a list and get clear
As many of you know, I got engaged in March. It was a complete surprise, I had no idea when we went on vacation to Aruba that he was planning to ask me to marry him (in the perfect setting, on the beach at sunset, with the most spectacular ring).
On one level, it was a surprise, but on another level I’ve realized since then that it was the culmination of a desire that had been borne within me a little over 18 months ago and looking back, I can see now what happened:
- I made a decision
- I made a list of what I wanted
- I moved out some energetic blocks and
- I moved into the energy of excited expectation
Does any of that make sense? Let me explain.
About three years ago, at a moment in my life when I was saying to everyone “I don’t want a relationship, I love my life”, suddenly a relationship appeared. I had been divorced for four years and there were lots of things about it that were really wonderful — he was smart, very well educated, attractive, fit, financially stable, and I thought he was an honest person and spiritually focused. But for the first time in a long time, I didn’t listen to that little voice inside my head and I ignored the weird vibrations that were literally keeping me awake at night.
The sudden discovery of lies and deceit was incredibly painful and humbling.
But the really great thing that came from that relationship, was that it made me realize I really did want someone to share my life with.
So I did what I do and what I tell everyone else to do. I made a list of what I wanted. Exactly what I wanted. I made the list as though I was waving my magic wand. I didn’t leave anything out just because it was too far out or too particular, or because it felt like I was asking for too much. Instead, I put in everything I wanted. All 21 items.
And then I set about figuring out what was holding me back from materializing my dream man. If you’ve read my book “The Journey to Happy, How Embracing The Concept That Nothing Is Wrong Can Transform Your Life”, you know I talk a lot in there about how we are all creating our own reality, what we think about is what we get and we are bringing in everything through our thoughts and beliefs and words and our energy.
So I started examining what I was thinking and feeling and to my horror, I realized I was indulging myself in some major “stinkin’ thinkin’”.
Because of everything that had happened in my previous marriage and my last relationship, I realized I was thinking things such as [guys who are reading this, I apologize in advance, but when you’ve been hurt, these are the thoughts you go to]:
- men can’t be trusted
- men are liars
- men are children
- men use women
- men don’t want what women want
- all the good ones are taken
But even worse, I realized that if I brought in a relationship while I was thinking and feeling all that, I would bring in a liar and a cheat, etc., etc.
So what it really came down to was – why would I want to mess up my beautiful life for some guy?
And the answer is (drum roll, please) – Love
We’re made to love. It’s as simple as that. God wants us to love. That’s why She gives us puppies and babies and ice cream. We come to this planet to experience all the emotions, but the really big emotion, the REALLY BIG ONE is love.
I know that, I’ve known it all my life, but I think I was hiding from it.
So the ending of the relationship 2 years ago, as painful as it was, had awakened in me a desire, a wanting to have that kind of ultimate connection again.
So I made my list. All 21 items.
And then guess what I did? I did what I tell everyone else to do all the time—I did a series of sessions with our practitioners because I knew the only way I was going to bring in what I wanted was to shift my limiting thoughts and beliefs and my energy so I would be a vibrational match to what I wanted – an honest, loving, smart, emotionally available, sexy, financially stable man who wanted a spiritually-centered relationship and who would love and adore me. Plus, I needed to really believe that I was worthy of that, that I wasn’t asking for too much and that it was possible. Sounds like kind of a tall order, doesn’t it?
I did a Radiant Heart Healing session that really helped me release the pain of the breakup and to open my heart again.
I did a Core Belief Transformation (actually more than one), shifting out of the beliefs that were no longer serving me (“men are liars”, “I’m not worthy”) and shifting into beliefs that would get me what I want (“men are doing the best they can, just like I am”, “I am loveable”, “I am desirable”).
I did an astrology reading that told me something might happen in a 6-month window in 2016-2017. That felt so far away!
I did an Emotional Clearing session to release my frustration that it felt so far away!
I did breathwork sessions which helped move me into the higher vibrations of compassion and love (including loving myself).
I did another Emotional Clearing session to bring me out of the vibration of “it’s never going to happen” and into the vibration of excited expectation.
I did a workshop with a friend in LA where she gave us these huge (plastic) diamond engagement rings, which I thought was a little bit corny, but she told us to focus on the ring and set the intention (and of course that is completely in alignment with creating the reality I wanted). When I got home, I put the ring in my makeup drawer, where I saw it everyday and just smiled.
And then I kind of forgot about it. I would meditate and I would flow energy toward “the list” and toward what I wanted. When I felt myself feel frustrated or afraid or sad, I would do something to switch that around.
My last relationship was a long distance relationship so of course I was telling myself I absolutely did not want a long distance relationship. I was on Match.com and I would get messages from men who lived far away and I developed this policy that if they lived further away than Phoenix, that I wouldn’t even respond to them. It felt rude, but what would happen is that if I responded and said I don’t want a long distance relationship, they would write back and say oh please, etc., etc. and that would start something so I just made this rule that I wouldn’t even respond to anyone more than 2 hours away.
Then suddenly, 2 weeks after I did a Core Belief Transformation session to release “it’s never going to happen”, I was in LA and sitting with my sister at the Casa del Mar hotel in Santa Monica watching the sunset. I received a message from a man in San Jose, California. I loved his photo and when I read his profile I just melted. I loved the combination of the work he was doing in the world, combined with the importance he placed on his spiritual life and that he was looking for a spiritually-centered partner. Although I “knew’ that nothing would come of this, I thought, I’m not going to be rude to this guy, I’m not going to diss him, I’m just going to tell him he’s too far away.
So I sent him an email that said “You look great, but you’re in San Jose.”
He wrote back and said “I know, I saw the insurmountable distance, but I saw your photo and I saw the work you’re doing in the world and I just wanted to let you know that there is someone out here who appreciates who you are”.
I showed the message to my sister and she said, “Good answer!”
I wrote him back, we emailed, we texted, we talked on the phone and Skype for hours on end, he came to Sedona for a visit and the rest is history. We got engaged in March, astounding me with an incredibly beautiful ring (remember the workshop and the plastic engagement ring?). He’s moving to Sedona next week.
There were 21 items on my list and he has all but one, “Has a grandbaby”. But he has a 21 year old son, so hopefully that’s in the future as well!
It’s so fascinating to me that even though I “knew” I didn’t want a long-distance relationship, I forgot to put on the list that I wanted someone who lives close by. Thank God I left that out!
Wounds from the past form our thoughts and beliefs and emotions about how we feel about everything and keep us from the happiness that is our birthright. Whether it’s a relationship, finding your life purpose, abundance, health – you name it. Focusing on what you want and clearing the blocks that are holding you back can completely change your life (or your relationship) around.
What’s holding you back? No matter what it is, we can help. I know it because I see it all the time with the people who come to us, but even more so in my own life. I’m so happy that I practice what I preach!
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If you knew what could happen, you’d be contacting us right now.
Wishing you a week filled with big love,
Debra Stangl / Founder
Sedona Soul Adventures – Transforming Lives One Soul At A Time
Pam says her Soul Adventure was “much more than I dreamt it would be” and “I was able to unlock and open the door to my heart which had been shut so tightly for so long”
“My Sedona Soul Adventure was much more than I dreamt it would be. The competence and skill of the practitioners who are associated with Sedona Soul Adventures is beyond anything I have ever experienced over many years of walking my spiritual path and consulting with numerous qualified practitioners in the metaphysical healing arts. By the time I took the trip my ability to feel anything other than pain and sadness had pretty much shut down. Individual psychotherapy could not teach me to feel and release all of the emotions frozen in time that had been accumulating inside of me over my lifetime. The practitioners guided me safely into the realm of pure feeling which allowed me to release all of the old emotions buried deep inside-some of which my waking mind had long forgotten or was simply unaware of. True grace followed. It’s amazing to realize how much love and joy I was cutting myself off from in my effort to play it safe and hide my heart in order to avoid more pain. I was able to unlock and open the door to my heart which had been shut so tightly for so long. This was truly one of the greatest experiences in my life.”
Pam F., Wilmington, CT