Self-criticism is killing you! Here’s what to do
In this issue:
- Self-criticism is killing you! Here’s what to do
- Lauren says after her Soul Adventure, “I understand who I am and I love me!”
- Are you coming to Egypt with me? (February 18-March 3, 2019)
I read the New York Times almost every day over breakfast, and this past week I was completely startled to read an article that sounded a lot like one of my newsletters! They were talking about how damaging self-criticism is, that everyone needs to stop doing it, and they even talked about meditation as being scientifically proven to help! They cited all kinds of scientific studies, saying all the stuff I’ve been writing to you about every week for the past 16 years! Here are the things they said:
Title: Why You Should Stop Being So Hard On Yourself
- “Self-criticism can take a toll on our minds and bodies.”
- “Self-criticism can interfere with our productivity.”
- “Self-criticism can impact our bodies by stimulating inflammatory mechanisms that lead to chronic illness and accelerate aging.”
- “Self-criticism can have measurably destructive effects, including symptoms of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, negative self-image and, in a particularly vicious twist, decreased motivation and productivity.” (Study published in the Journal of Psychotherapy Integration).
- “Self-criticism leads people to becoming preoccupied with failure.” (Study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin).
The article then goes on to talk about why we do this and the answer is, (in their words) “blame evolution.”
“Our brains equip us with a mechanism to monitor our mind and our behavior, so that when we make errors, we are able to notice the mistake. In order to recover, we first must notice that a mistake has occurred.
Just noticing that we’ve deviated from our expectations or goals — whether that’s eating too much or not completing a daily to-do list — isn’t necessarily the same thing as degrading ourselves into a shame spiral. In some cases, like when our safety or moral integrity are on the line, it’s crucial that our brains tell us good from bad so that we learn the right lessons from our experiences.
But sometimes, assigning negative value to our experiences and behaviors can “ensnare” us into cycles of unhelpful rumination — like when you lie in bed at night, needlessly replaying an awkward interaction or repeatedly revisiting that minor typo. This is where we get into the harmful, counterproductive side of self-criticism.”
So we’re hardwired to do all this self-criticism, it’s very bad for us, it leads to chronic illness and accelerates aging, it interferes with our productivity, and it has “measurably destructive effects” (meaning, they’ve proven this with empirical studies) including depression, anxiety, substance abuse and feelings of failure. WOW! Could that be any worse?
So then, the New York Times asks, “What should I do?” And their one word answer is “Self-Compassion: the practice of being kind and understanding to ourselves when confronted with a personal flaw or failure.” It’s so cute, they then quote a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin entitled “Self-Compassion Promotes Personal Improvement From Regret Experiences via Acceptance,” a clinical study showing that self-compassion and self-acceptance makes you feel better.
They then offer 3 steps to help with Self-Compassion:
- Practice self-compassion by staying in the moment, with practices such as meditation (and then they cite yet another study “A wait-list randomized controlled trial of loving-kindness meditation programme for self-criticism” in the Journal of Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, so they can prove to their New York Times readers that meditation is actually scientifically proven to work!).
- Meet your criticism with kindness (change your self talk from “you’re a loser” to “everybody makes mistakes.”).
- Start noticing how you feel better when you are more compassionate with yourself, and then keep doing it over and over again.
When they’re discussing the three steps they say in this article “This is, of course, easier said than done,” and that’s the whole problem, isn’t it?
I’m sorry, but you and I both know that simply telling someone to stop calling themselves a loser and telling them to start meditating is not going to stop a lifetime of self loathing and self-criticism. I had 15 years of therapy and it didn’t stop it, because it didn’t get to the root of what was causing it.
It wasn’t until I came to Sedona and started working with the amazing practitioners here that I really got to the root of all of this. I had done Inner Child work before, I knew I had abandonment issues, but it wasn’t until I did sessions where that abandonment energy was removed and I experienced really, truly loving myself, did all that leave me. I knew that I had negative self talk and I did all kinds of things to catch myself and stop doing it, but it wasn’t until I did a Core Belief Transformation that those old tapes were just eradicated. And it wasn’t until I experienced an Inner Breath Journey that I really felt completely connected to myself, to the Divine, and to everything and everyone around me.
You see, so much of the pain and self-loathing comes from so many deep places and they affect us on all levels —physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. When we have issues of not loving ourselves completely and unconditionally (and I have to say every single person I’ve ever met has that to one degree or another), it shows up on those levels.
On the physical level, we feel insecure about our bodies (haven’t you noticed how even people who are “beautiful” think they aren’t perfect?).
On the emotional level, we deeply feel the self-criticism and it goes to our core.
On the mental level, we’re thinking things like “I’m a loser,” “I’m so stupid,” etc.
On the spiritual level, we actually believe that there’s something wrong with us.
Unless we’re dealing with this on all four levels, it just stays there, stuck and not moving.
So if this is an issue for you, please do something about it. Even the New York Times thinks you should!
Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.
They’ll connect with you (or both of you, if it’s a couples retreat) in deep conversation. Then they’ll custom design the perfect retreat for you, working with our Master Practitioners here in beautiful, mystical Sedona.
Would you like to speak to someone today? We’re even open on Sundays, because we’re here for you.
Lauren says after her Soul Adventure, “I understand who I am and I love me!”
“I was in a very dark place and my heart knew I needed healing and clarity. My soul adventure provided a safe place to journey through my pain and grief, gave me the tools to continue the healing process, and helped me become balanced and whole. I am no longer hardened by the world – I am soft and gushy! I no longer react in anger or frustration; I can breathe life and peace inside when confronted with difficult situations. I understand who I am and I love me! Thank you Sedona Soul Adventures!”
~ Lauren S., Dallas, TX
Ready to get started? It’s actually very easy, just contact us. We’re here for you. Click here…
Or, if you prefer, you can call us now, toll-free, at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.
Are you coming to Egypt with me?
I’m so excited about our next Egypt trip (February 18 – March 3, 2019). We’ll be going to all the must see places:
- The Pyramids (including 2 hours of private time in the Great Pyramid – just for our group)
- The Sphinx
Plus, we go to places the average tourist doesn’t see:
- Abu Simbel
- The Isis Temple at Philae
- Hathor Temple at Dendara
And we have our 5-day cruise on the Nile on a 5-star ship, in 5-star hotels, with our Egyptian guide (who reads hieroglyphics!).
The pricing is all-inclusive – airfare to and from New York (JFK) to Egypt, 3 flights within Egypt, 5-star hotels, 5-day, 5-star Nile Cruise, 3 meals each day, all transportation, admission to all the sites, our guide, even tips and travel insurance. Click below for all the information.
If you have any questions about our trip, send me an email at: [email protected]
Or feel free to give me a call – I love talking about Egypt! 1-877-204-3664
If you already know you want to go, Click here to make your deposit.