3 New Reasons Why You Shouldn't Get a Divorce

I don’t know if you know this about me, but I was a divorce attorney for 20 years in Omaha, Nebraska. And now for the past 16 years, I’ve been helping couples stay together through Sedona Soul Adventures, which is a lot more fun and satisfying.
So I’ve seen this up close and personal for over 36 years and I can tell you — if there’s any possibility that you can turn your relationship around, PLEASE DO IT!
You know all the usual reasons why not to get a divorce, but today, watch my video on 3 New Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Get a Divorce. It’s just 8 minutes and it might really help.
Or if you know of someone who’s struggling with this right now, please forward it on to them.
I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.
If you feel like there might be a glimmer of hope for your relationship, please do something about it. Think about coming to Sedona to do a Couples Retreat. After 16 years and thousands of people, I’m still amazed at what happens. If you’d like to have one of our Retreat Guides call you, please click below.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.
They’ll connect with you (or both of you, if it’s a couples retreat) in deep conversation. Then they’ll custom design the perfect retreat for you, working with our Master Practitioners here in beautiful, mystical Sedona.
Would you like to speak to someone today? We’re even open on Sundays, because we’re here for you.

    You probably already know all the obvious reasons why not to get a divorce. Divorce is simply devastating in so many ways – it’s devastating for the children, emotionally and psychologically. It’s devastating for the people going through the divorce, both emotionally and psychologically.
    It’s also devastating financially. Studies show that both parties lose so much financially when they get a divorce, and that’s especially true for women. Just the cost of a divorce is devastating – studies based on census figures show that the cost of the average divorce in the U.S. is a mind blowing $53,000.  

    I’m going talk with you today about some things about divorce that you maybe haven’t thought about before.
    The first one is: Things are just never the same.
    Everyone’s life just gets completely up-ended when a divorce happens. Children suddenly have two homes rather than one home, and it usually doesn’t ever really feel like home again. 

    The worst is things like holidays. The time gets split up, there’s usually hard feelings on both sides, and sometimes there’s lots of fighting and arguing.
    The kids are never with their parents again. They’re always going to be with dad and this other person that they will probably never feel as completely close to as they do with their mother. Ditto for their mother’s boyfriend or new husband. It’s just never going to feel the same again.
    The next is: You may die sooner.
    A study published in The Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that divorced or widowed people have 20% more chronic health conditions (such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer) than people who are married. Loneliness can be a killer and I believe it makes you age faster.
    And: You’re probably going to end up with another person with the same or similar problems.
    In the twenty years that I was doing divorces, it was amazing to me as I looked back to realize the number of people for whom I did 3 divorces. And the even more amazing thing, was that what I saw was that these people kept marrying the same person over and over again, they just had a different name.
    Because the real problem is at the heart of this – we are connecting with people because of the Soul Lessons they bring to us. Our partners are a mirror for us and particularly, for our Woundings. We bring people into our lives to heal our wounds. We don’t know that consciously, but I believe this with all my heart.
    If we’re insecure, if we think we’re not worthy of love, we’ll bring someone in who won’t love us completely. If we don’t trust ourselves, we’ll bring in someone we can’t trust. Those wounds will keep showing up until they’re healed.
    I have seen that over and over again, both in my law practice and in my work with Sedona Soul Adventures.
    We just had a couple here last year and this was completely true for them. They had both been married and divorced before, and they were ready to get divorced again. When they came to us they both said “I can’t believe it, I’ve married someone who’s exactly like my ex.”
    We dug deeper and discovered that for the husband, he had parents who were never satisfied with him, he always felt like he wasn’t enough. After a few years with his first wife, he felt unloved and unhappy because she was always complaining and telling him he wasn’t good enough in all kinds of different ways – as a person, as a provider, as a father. When he met his second wife she seemed to be head over heels in love with him, but again, within a few years, the same kind of problems were coming up. For different reasons, but he felt again as though he wasn’t enough.
    For the wife, it showed up a little differently. From the time she was a little girl, she put up what she called a “False Front” because she thought being who she was wouldn’t be good enough. She had actually been married twice before and each time it was her belief that once her husbands really got to know the “real” her, that the marriage ended.
    So both of them had the issues of “I’m not enough” and “I’m not loveable.”
    We did separate sessions with them of clearing out that gunk and filling that hole of “I’m not enough.” After this work, they both reported feeling like they loved themselves for the first time in their lives. With that feeling of self love, they literally saw the other person with different eyes. They both had this huge compassion for each other because they realized for the first time, that they both had the same issue, it was just showing up in a different way for each of them. They realized how much they truly loved each other.
    We sent them home with new tools and I just heard from them recently. It’s been a year and they both feel like their spouse is their biggest cheerleader. She said to me, “I didn’t realize that because I didn’t truly love myself, I really had no love to give to someone else. I’m so glad we didn’t get a divorce, I would have just kept doing this over and over.”
    If you are thinking about getting a divorce, I literally want to beg you to reconsider it one more time. Think about all the reasons we’ve talked about and then really ask yourself, “How is my partner being my mirror?”
    If there is something you really can’t stand about your partner, is there any of that in you? If you feel like you’re not loved, do you truly love yourself?
    Are there some things you can do to save your marriage? If so, for the sake of your children, for the sake of your family, but mostly for the sake of you, please think about it one more time.
    And if you feel like there might be a glimmer of hope, please do something about it. Think about coming to Sedona to do a Couples Retreat. After 16 years and thousands of people, I’m still amazed at what happens.
    Go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.
    Or even better, call us at 928/204-5988 to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for exactly what the two of you need.
    You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.
    Debra Stangl
     

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