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Monthly Archives: February 2019

Greetings from Egypt!

Greetings from Egypt!
How is it possible that it’s been a year since I was here last and how is it possible that even though this is my 19th trip to Egypt (!), it’s still new and amazing?
But that’s the nature of this place. Everything we’re seeing is thousands and thousands of years old, but the mysteries are still fresh.
Mysteries such as who built the Pyramids? How did they get these huge stones to this place (some of which weigh over 2 tons) when they know they came from Aswan, which is an 8 hour train ride away? And how did they cut the stones with such laser-like precision that they fit together perfectly with no mortar?
Riding camels to the Pyramids is always so much fun – they’re so sweet. And of course it’s so wonderful to be here with my beloved Richard. This is his second trip to Egypt and he’s become as fascinated as I am with all things Egyptian! What a wonderful thing to have in common.
One of the most fascinating things we see here on the Giza plateau is the Solar Boat museum. This is a boat that was first discovered on January 12 (my birthday!), 1954. It was found completely unassembled and it is believed to be associated with the Pharaoh Cheops from over 4500 years ago. It was to be used to navigate the River to heaven after the death and resurrection of the Pharaoh.
It took 24 years for workmen to assemble the boat. Once assembled, the boat is 143 ft long and 19.5 ft wide. My photo simply doesn’t do it justice but can you get the perspective of seeing the two people on the right?
When it was found in this pit and the stones were first breached, there was a “whooshing” sound, indicating the boat had been “hermetically sealed” and it had lasted in pristine condition for over 4500 years. Now that it’s been found and assembled, no one has been able to figure out how to preserve it. It’s estimated that it will completely disintegrate within the next 100 to 200 years. The ancient Egyptians were able to preserve it for over 4500 years, modern man hasn’t been able to figure out to how to preserve it for more than a few hundred years!
Tonight we watched the amazing Sound and Light show at the Pyramids and Sphinx. It’s so dramatic, it’s reminiscent of The Ten Commandments. I love this photo that Richard shot – the Sphinx just looks otherworldly.
One of the best parts for me is being with this amazing group of people. We are all different ages, races, sexes, and nationalities, but with a commonality of being fascinated by this amazing place. It’s so much fun to experience this with other adventurers.
And as usual, the Egyptian people are so warm and welcoming. They always ask “where are you from?” and when I say “America,” they always reply with a similar response “We love Americans!”
This year’s tour sold out and we’re already planning the trip for next year. I already can’t wait to come back again!
If you have any interest at all in coming on this amazing trip, click here to get on our wait list and we’ll send you all the information as soon as it’s available.

Sending you so much love from mysterious Egypt!

I Know Who I Am, Now What Do I Do?

I hope you watched my last video on the Enneagram to find out who you are and how you’re wired. If you didn’t, please click here to take the free Enneagram test, because I think you’ll be blown away!
And in this video, I talk about what to do with this information. Okay, you’re a Two, now what does that mean? If you’re giving and giving, and aren’t taking care of yourself, what can you do about it?
This information has been some of the most important of my life for understanding myself and others, and for having compassion for myself and others.
Watch the video to see how this information can change your life.

This is the second video on the Enneagram and in this one I’m going to talk to you about how to become the best you can be, meaning if you’re a Six, how can you be the best Six you can be?
I hope you watched my last video on the Enneagram and I hope you’ve taken the test to find out which Number or Style you are, because if you haven’t, this video isn’t going to make a lot of sense. So if you haven’t taken the test, stop now and take it here. It will take about 10 minutes.
Okay, so now that you know your number, or what I prefer to call Style, what do you do with that?
I’m an 8, we’re the fighters. The lie I’m wired to tell myself is “Life is hard, I have to do everything on my own. There’s no one to help. I have to fight for everything I have.”
Could that be any more depressing or any more rooted in the energy of Everything Is Wrong?
Eights are the fighters. They’re the ones that automatically get angry. They also always think they’re right. Now they’re also into justice and into fighting the good fight, but we are mainly just wired to fight.
My ex-husband, who I was married to for 20 years, is a 9. The peacemaker… peace at any price. So can you imagine, here’s me, an 8, fighting about everything, married to a 9, whose whole thing is peace at any price. It was sort of crazy-making because what always seemed to happen, is that all of our fights were never about the issue at hand, they were always about how it wasn’t okay for me to be angry. Nines don’t like anger.
The problem was, I actually bought into the idea that something was wrong with my anger. At this time in my life, I had decided I wanted to be a “spiritual person.” Somehow I had bought into the idea that being a “spiritual person” meant being sweet and compliant, and never getting angry. That I should be trying to act like a Goddess all of the time and speaking in a breathy voice, saying things like, “That’s so beautiful.” I never did any of that because I knew it would be completely phonybut I aspired to it.
I didn’t want to get angry.
I didn’t want to lose my temper.
Ironically, this was at the same time that I was becoming well-known as a divorce attorney. People would call me on the phone and say, “I hear you’re a real bitch. I want you to be my lawyer.” They actually meant it as a total compliment.
So hear I am on the phone, thinking “something is really off.”
When I finally found out about the Enneagram and realized that I am wired for this, I felt a kind of liberation. I realized that there was nothing wrong with my anger. That it was an important part of my life force. It had enabled me to survive a rough childhood, to build inner strength, and to take care of myself. I began to view my anger as an asset, not a weakness or something to be ashamed of.
Now with this knowledge, I also started working on ways to modulate my anger so that I wasn’t spewing it out all over everyone all of the time, but I also stopped trying to shove it down. I stopped being ashamed of it, and I stopped hating myself when I got angry.
And guess what happened? As soon as I stopped thinking there was something wrong with my anger, I stopped getting angry with everyone.
If we had been more consciously aware, the 8 and 9 combination could have been really great for both of us. Nines need to learn how to set boundaries and eights need to learn how to soften up their boundaries and just stop fighting.
The good news is that 6 years after my divorce, I met a 7 and we were married last year. He is so much fun, because he’s a 7. He also doesn’t ever want to be told what to do and there’s other stuff, because there’s always stuff going on in a relationship, but knowing all of this, we both step back all the time and go, “wait a minute – oh, that’s just your 8 stuff or that’s just your 7 stuff” and it makes such a huge difference in how we interact with each other and treat each other.
So how about you? What can help you best move into healing? Let’s go through each style
And remember, there are no good and bad styles.
The biggest thing is to focus on the parts you like. No one is completely healed or unhealed, we’re all a composite.
Style 1 – The Perfectionist

  • Stop demanding that everything must be perfect.
  • Relax more.
  • Feel more compassion for people.
  • Stop using the word “should.”
  • As I used to say to one of my coaching clients who is a One, “Finished is better than perfect.”
  • Appreciate that you are one of those people who wants things done in the best way possible.

Style 2 – The Helper

  • Stop doing the things that you don’t want to do.
  • Take care of yourself.
  • Appreciate that you are full of love and genuinely want to help other people.
  • Stop doing the things that you don’t want to do. If you truly want to do something for someone, do it without any expectation that they will return the favor. If that’s okay with you, then proceed.
  • Take care of yourself. Do things that really feel like splurges and take care of yourself (get massages and manicures, buy yourself flowers, take time out alone).
  • Appreciate that you are full of love and genuinely want to help other people.

Style 3 – The Achiever

  • Decide what do I truly want?
  • Don’t be so concerned about what other people think of you.
  • Stop buying things that you think will impress other people.
  • Stop working to the point of exhaustion.
  • Allow yourself to feel vulnerable.
  • Appreciate that you are hardworking and dependable.

Style 4 – The Romantic Adventurer

  • When you start thinking that you are better than everyone else, stop it!
  • Focus less on the idea that other people don’t understand you and instead make an effort to understand them.
  • Create a morning exercise routine and then stick to it.
  • Appreciate the fact that you are a very creative person and that you have a deep capability to connect with other people.

Style 5 – The investigator

  • Remember that it’s impossible to know everything about everything.
  • Stop trying to prove that you know everything.
  • Stop correcting people when you are in small groups.
  • Take up some kind of creative activity that will get you out of your head.
  • Appreciate the fact that Albert Einstein was a Five.

Style 6 – The Loyalist

  • Do things to counteract your pessimism and anxiety (physical exercise, meditation, reading inspirational books, music that makes you feel good, finding upbeat friends).
  • Take yourself off the hook for the anxiety that you feel.
  • Learn to cultivate trust in other people by first cultivating trust in yourself.
  • Appreciate the fact that you are responsible and hardworking and loyal.

Style 7 – The Enthusiast

  • Finish what you start.
  • Each day make a list of two things to accomplish so that you always feel that you are getting things done.
  • Realize that you don’t have to do everything or have everything right now.
  • Don’t be afraid to face reality.
  • Appreciate the fact that your basic disposition is one of happiness, optimism and generosity.

Style 8 – The Aggressor

  • Rush to give in even when you “know” you’re right.
  • Stop fighting with everyone.
  • Understand that not everyone is against you.
  • Forgive slights by reminding yourself that most people are just doing the best they can.
  • Be vulnerable.
  • Appreciate the fact that you are strong and self-reliant.

Style Nine – The Peacemaker

  • Set boundaries.
  • Understand that conflicts need to be dealt with.
  • Exercise or do other things to help you come more fully into your body.
  • Do things that will help you to really feel and express your emotions.
  • Stop spending so much time in front of television screens or computer screens.
  • Appreciate the fact that you are open-minded, diplomatic, and receptive.

The key here is to start taking yourself and everyone else off the hook. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have boundaries or that you don’t take responsibility for what you do. Quite the contrary, what I’m advocating is that you see how you’re wired and embrace all of it.
In our retreats here in Sedona, we use the Enneagram all the time because it gives people such insight, especially with couples. I can’t tell you the number of times that people get this information and they’re like “oh my gosh, this explains everything”.  
Just a few weeks ago we had two people come who had been fighting non-stop during their whole marriage. He felt like nothing he ever did was good enough, she felt like nothing he ever did was good enough, he was constantly angry with her and of course, she hated all that anger. It turns out she is a One (the perfectionist) and he’s and 8 (the Aggressor, the fighter).
When we discussed the two Styles with them, they both said, “Isn’t that how everyone is?” because we make this assumption that everyone reacts the way we do. She said “Doesn’t everyone want to have everything be perfect?” and he said, “Doesn’t everyone lash out in anger when they get upset?”
She really got it how her perfectionism was driving him away and he really got it how his anger was keeping them apart. With their other sessions, she was able to let go of some of her perfectionism (and also saw how it came from things that had happened during her childhood from her mother who was also a perfectionist).
We dug deep and found some of the core wounding that led to a lot of his anger and released it. Underneath the perfectionism and the anger, they discovered they really did love each other and when that happens, it really helps those things melt away. They took themselves off the hook and they took each other off the hook, and when you do that, everyone feels happier.
So that’s a lot! I hope you got some insights into who you are and how you can get happy and stay happy. And if you got value from this video, please like it, share the video with your friends and subscribe to our channel.

You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.

The #1 Secret to Keeping Love Alive (It’s Not Communication)

Happy Valentine’s Day! The day of love and lovers.

In the very recent past I have learned from one of my practitioners what he and I (and my husband) have all come to believe is the #1 thing that you either have or don’t have in a relationship, that makes it or breaks it… and that is…

Are you nurturing each other?

Does your beloved nurture you?

Are you nurturing your beloved?

It seems like a simple question, but it’s not at all. Because it’s about a way of being. It’s a decision you’re making in every moment.

Do you truly want to nurture your beloved?

Do you want to nurture them in the way they want to be nurtured?

Or are you constantly picking at them, criticizing them and thinking nasty thoughts about them?

As most of you know, I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years and now I’ve done couples work in Sedona for over 17 years. It appears to me that relationships are either mainly in the “I love you” zone or the “you drive me crazy” zone. And it seems like once you’ve rounded the corner into the “you drive me crazy” zone, there’s not much going back unless you really do something about it.


There are basic problems that seem to show up a lot when the nurturing factor isn’t there. And in my experience, there are things that seem unique to women and unique to men. This is also borne out in John Grey’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series of books (so please don’t write me that I’m stereotyping — I’ve watched this for over 37 years!).

If you’re a woman, do you…

  • complain a lot to your partner?
  • complain a lot about your partner to other people?
  • take everything over because he won’t do the stuff you want him to do in the way you want him to do it?

Sorry, ladies, I see you do this a lot, especially the taking over part, because you’re so darn competent!

If you’re a man, are…

  • you not engaging emotionally with your partner?
  • there times when you simply tune your partner out?
  • there times when you sit and listen, and then start rattling off unasked-for- advice?

Sorry, guys, I see you do this a lot, because you are about helping your woman (but it doesn’t help when she just wants to unload).

These are danger signs. Big signals telling you, “STOP! You’ve got to do something here.”

If you’re a woman, put some brakes on the complaining and stop doing everything because he’s not doing it right.

If you’re a man, start listening and start really engaging emotionally. Easier said than done, right?

The biggest thing is, you both have to make this basic decision –

“I love this person and I want to nurture them.”

What’s that going to take?

  • Willingness
  • Dropping your resentments about what’s happened in the past
  • Coming back into loving connection

Again, I know that these are all easier said than done. But if you’re finding that you’re out of the Nurturing Zone, you can recognize that and you can do something about it. You literally can shift everything around by making the simple decision –

“I want to nurture this person and I’m going to figure out how to do that.”

Like I said, this is easier said than done. Letting go of past resentments is usually pretty difficult for both parties and that’s usually what’s holding one or both of you back from really getting into and staying in the Nurturing Zone.

Or maybe you don’t have clarity about what you truly want. It’s hard to go out of your way to do something for the other person when you’re not 100% sure that you want to be with them.

Let us help you get back into the Nurturing Zone. Come to Sedona and do a Couples Retreat. Give it to yourselves as a Valentine’s Day present. Wouldn’t that be the most amazing present you’ve ever had? Coming back into the love and connection that brought you together in the first place?
Call us and connect with one of our Angel Guides. They’ll connect with both of you separately and really dig deep to discover what’s keeping you out of the Nurturing Zone. Then they’ll put together a retreat that’s custom designed for exactly what you need and want, and to bring you back into the love, connection and sizzle that you crave.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you. 

You might also like to download your free copy of our “Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats.” That will give you a real idea of what we do and how it works. But even if you don’t do this, please – for the sake of your relationship – do SOMETHING to get yourself back into the Nurturing Zone.

You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.
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