The #1 Secret to Keeping Love Alive (It’s Not Communication)
Happy Valentine’s Day! The day of love and lovers.
In the very recent past I have learned from one of my practitioners what he and I (and my husband) have all come to believe is the #1 thing that you either have or don’t have in a relationship, that makes it or breaks it… and that is…
Are you nurturing each other?
Does your beloved nurture you?
Are you nurturing your beloved?
It seems like a simple question, but it’s not at all. Because it’s about a way of being. It’s a decision you’re making in every moment.
Do you truly want to nurture your beloved?
Do you want to nurture them in the way they want to be nurtured?
Or are you constantly picking at them, criticizing them and thinking nasty thoughts about them?
As most of you know, I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years and now I’ve done couples work in Sedona for over 17 years. It appears to me that relationships are either mainly in the “I love you” zone or the “you drive me crazy” zone. And it seems like once you’ve rounded the corner into the “you drive me crazy” zone, there’s not much going back unless you really do something about it.
There are basic problems that seem to show up a lot when the nurturing factor isn’t there. And in my experience, there are things that seem unique to women and unique to men. This is also borne out in John Grey’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series of books (so please don’t write me that I’m stereotyping — I’ve watched this for over 37 years!).
If you’re a woman, do you…
- complain a lot to your partner?
- complain a lot about your partner to other people?
- take everything over because he won’t do the stuff you want him to do in the way you want him to do it?
Sorry, ladies, I see you do this a lot, especially the taking over part, because you’re so darn competent!
If you’re a man, are…
- you not engaging emotionally with your partner?
- there times when you simply tune your partner out?
- there times when you sit and listen, and then start rattling off unasked-for- advice?
Sorry, guys, I see you do this a lot, because you are about helping your woman (but it doesn’t help when she just wants to unload).
These are danger signs. Big signals telling you, “STOP! You’ve got to do something here.”
If you’re a woman, put some brakes on the complaining and stop doing everything because he’s not doing it right.
If you’re a man, start listening and start really engaging emotionally. Easier said than done, right?
The biggest thing is, you both have to make this basic decision –
“I love this person and I want to nurture them.”
What’s that going to take?
- Dropping your resentments about what’s happened in the past
- Coming back into loving connection
Again, I know that these are all easier said than done. But if you’re finding that you’re out of the Nurturing Zone, you can recognize that and you can do something about it. You literally can shift everything around by making the simple decision –
“I want to nurture this person and I’m going to figure out how to do that.”
Like I said, this is easier said than done. Letting go of past resentments is usually pretty difficult for both parties and that’s usually what’s holding one or both of you back from really getting into and staying in the Nurturing Zone.
Or maybe you don’t have clarity about what you truly want. It’s hard to go out of your way to do something for the other person when you’re not 100% sure that you want to be with them.
Let us help you get back into the Nurturing Zone. Come to Sedona and do a Couples Retreat. Give it to yourselves as a Valentine’s Day present. Wouldn’t that be the most amazing present you’ve ever had? Coming back into the love and connection that brought you together in the first place?
Call us and connect with one of our Angel Guides. They’ll connect with both of you separately and really dig deep to discover what’s keeping you out of the Nurturing Zone. Then they’ll put together a retreat that’s custom designed for exactly what you need and want, and to bring you back into the love, connection and sizzle that you crave.
Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.
You might also like to download your free copy of our “Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats.” That will give you a real idea of what we do and how it works. But even if you don’t do this, please – for the sake of your relationship – do SOMETHING to get yourself back into the Nurturing Zone.