Make your relationship a priority or suffer the consequences

You know how it goes. When you’re first together, you want to be with that other person all the time, you can’t get enough of them. And then you get married, your work is so important, you have kids, etc, etc, etc. 

And then suddenly you look up one day and the thrill is gone…

In my new video, I have some surprising things that you can do about it.

Is it time to make your relationship a priority? If so, maybe think about doing a Couples Retreat with us. One of the huge benefits of our Couples Retreats is that they are completely private. All of your sessions are either one-on-one or two-on-one with our Master Practitioners, many of whom have over 20 years of experience working with couples. They know how to bring your relationship to the next level.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Our Soul Adventure “enhanced our relationship to another level…we feel more connected”

That’s exactly what happens when you do a couples retreat with us – it enhances your relationship to a new level, bringing you a deeper connection and closeness.

There’s no better way to make your relationship a priority!

Wishing you a week filled with proper prioritization!
 

Those of you who have been following me for a long time know that I was a divorce attorney for 20 years in Omaha, Nebraska before I had a life-changing experience in Sedona that led me to start Sedona Soul Adventures. And since then, for the past 20 years, we’ve worked with thousands of couples, helping them to save their marriages and deepen their relationships. 

One of the biggest things that I’ve seen in working with couples now for over 40 years, is a problem that is so easy to solve, it’s almost magical. And that’s making your relationship a priority.

So what happens? When you’re first together, you’re in love, you want to spend every moment with that other person, then you get married or live together, you have kids, your work is so important, you’re so busy, you’ve got so much going on, just getting through each day can be really hard. 

You stop talking that much, you stop hanging out with each other because you’ve just got so much else to do, then you start noticing those little things that before you thought were cute and now just annoy the heck out of you. And that’s when you know you’re on the road to trouble. It’s one of the top complaints we hear in our couples retreats. 

If your relationship is important to you and you feel it starting to slip away from you, if you don’t feel the same kind of zing that you used to, then you need to do something and you need to do it soon. 

So here’s the first thing I want to say: If you’re a woman out there reading this, please don’t go to your husband and say, “We need to talk.”

The four most dreaded words for most men don’t want to hear is, “We need to talk.”   

Go to him in a quiet moment, a moment where you’re both in a good space and say to him, “I’ve been thinking about this lately… What is one thing I could do to let you know that you’re a priority in my life?” 

And then shut up and listen to what he has to say. Don’t edit or criticize. It might take him a few tries and don’t get angry if he jokingly says something crazy like having sex with his favorite Hollywood star… get him to tell you something and don’t be upset if it’s something that won’t involve you or the kids. In fact, encourage him to have it be something that doesn’t involve you or the kids, something that’s just for him. And if it’s reasonable and possible, do it. Do it with happiness, love and enthusiasm. 

And if you’re a man reading this, do the same thing with your wife. Ask her, “What is one thing I could do to let you know that you’re a priority in my life?” 

And then shut up and really listen. If it’s something you can do and hopefully it won’t be some huge shift that she’s asking you to do for the rest of your life, such as stop watching sports, then do it. And again, do it with happiness, love and enthusiasm.  

After you’ve successfully completed this, say to your partner, “I want us to spend more time together, just us, having fun.” If you know of something fun that you used to do together, suggest that. Don’t demand. Just suggest. 

Women, I will tell you this will be music to your man’s ears. So many men tell us that they feel they are such a distant second after the kids.  

You can tell what’s important to you by how much time you spend on it. Spending fun time together is magical at bringing the sizzle back into your marriage. 

And speaking of sizzle, don’t blush or be offended when I say another big booster of relationship happiness is to have more sex. And if that does offend you, then we need to talk. 

Study after study shows that happy couples have regular sex that is truly enjoyable for both of them.

This is another one of the most common complaints we hear in our couples retreats and it’s not just men complaining about women, it’s women complaining about their husbands, and we hear the same complaint from our same sex couples. If you’re not having sex like you used to, just start initiating. Tonight! Or this afternoon – that’ll wake ‘em up! 

Doing little, thoughtful things for the other person can make such a difference. I absolutely love getting flowers and little gestures send me over the moon. I was recently gone for a week and Richard sent this to me. It came in this huge envelope and when it was delivered, I was like what the heck is this and then I opened it up and it’s a Big Hug. Is that the cutest thing? It just made my heart melt.

What is something you can do for your beloved? If one of you is the one who always does the same thing, like cooking or taking out the trash, surprise the other one by doing it for them occasionally. Is there something they’d love to do, but they’re not giving themselves permission because it’s expensive or time consuming? Invite them to do it and tell them, “Baby, you’re worth it.”  

A few months ago, we had a couple come to us and they were at the end of their rope. They were fighting all the time and they were ready to split up, especially the wife. They both worked really hard, they had two young children and the husband’s mother was very involved in their lives. They had all kinds of issues of “he does this” and “she does that,” which were very important to them, of course. But when we really sat and listened to them, all of those things were kind of inconsequential. And of course their sex…

When we dug deep with them, we got down to “What’s really going on?” We got down to the truth, which was neither of them felt like they were a priority in the other’s life. They both felt that the other’s jobs were more important; he felt like the kids meant more to her than he does and she felt like his mother meant more to him than she does, especially because there were many times he was taking the mother’s side. And underneath that was, “He doesn’t really love me” and “She doesn’t really love me.” 

And here’s the real kicker, because what we finally got to was that for both of them underneath that was, “I’m not loveable. My own wife/husband doesn’t love me, that must mean I’m not loveable.” They weren’t thinking this consciously of course, but when we dug deep, they both got it – that that was the culprit. 

They both grew up in homes where they were starved for love, both the husband and the wife. He kept trying to show up for his mother and doing things for his mother, because he wanted so desperately to have his mother’s love, not because she meant more to him than his wife.  

We had them do sessions individually to get at those core wounds, to dig them up and fill them back up with love. What was really amazing was that even though they both did separate breathwork sessions, each one of them had an experience of a vision of the two of them coming together in this incredible bliss, joy and love. 

In their final integration session, they said they have never been more in love and they totally know that the other person is the most important person in their life. They also told us they had more sex in the 5 days they were with us than they had in the 5 months before that. When you can get to the root of what’s really going on, like these two did, everything else just falls away and you can come back into the love that brought you together in the first place.

How about you? Would you like to come back into that love? If so, give us a call and do a couples retreat with us. Each retreat is completely private, not in groups and custom designed for exactly what the two of you need and want.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

To get more information, go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

Debra Stangl
 

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