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Your self-critic is killing you! Here’s how to shut them up

How big a part of your life is your inner critic? Do you ever say things to yourself like, “You’re so stupid” or “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why did you do that?!” If so, you’ve simply got to STOP! Because you’re killing yourself!

Watch my video where I talk about a scientific study that proves that your inner critic is killing you and hear about things you can do right now to get that inner critic off your back and out of your head.

If you’d like to finally get that inner critic to shut up once and for all, please contact us and speak with one of our Retreat Guides. They’ll connect with you on a deep level, getting to the root of the problem. Then they’ll custom design a retreat that is specifically designed to root out the blocks and gunk that are feeding that inner critic, bringing you back into peace and the experience of being your best self.

i want my transformation

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Lauren says after her Soul Adventure, “I understand who I am and I love me!”

“I was in a very dark place and my heart knew I needed healing and clarity. My soul adventure provided a safe place to journey through my pain and grief, gave me the tools to continue the healing process, and helped me become balanced and whole. I am no longer hardened by the world – I am soft and gushy! I no longer react in anger or frustration; I can breathe life and peace inside when confronted with difficult situations. I understand who I am and I love me! Thank you Sedona Soul Adventures!”
~ Lauren S., Dallas, TX

I love when I read studies that are verifying the work that we do here at Sedona Soul Adventures. It used to be that all of this stuff we talk about was considered New Age gobbledygook, but now studies by medical doctors and scientists are verifying what we’ve been saying all along. Which is:

Self criticism is killing you.

stop being hard on yourself

This particular study was published in the Journal of Psychotherapy Integration and reported in the New York Times with the title, “Why You Should Stop Being So Hard On Yourself.”

Here’s all the things they discovered: 

  • Self-criticism can take a toll on your mind and body 
  • Self-criticism can impact your body by stimulating inflammatory mechanisms that lead to chronic illness and accelerate aging 
  • Self-criticism can have measurably destructive effects, including symptoms of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, negative self-image and decreased motivation and productivity (When they say measurable they mean empirical studies have proven this)
  • Self-criticism can interfere with your productivity
  • Self-criticism leads people to becoming preoccupied with failure 
brains wired

The article then goes on to talk about why we humans do this and the answer is, (in their words): “Blame evolution” 

Which means that our brains are wired to notice our mistakes and for most of us, we then go on to tell ourselves that what we’re doing is either Good or Bad. That’s great, because if we do something that needs to be corrected, then we can go ahead and correct it. The problem is that for a lot of us, we then go on and rather than just learning from the mistake, we allow it to take us into a shame spiral…

correct what needs to be corrected

Chronic illness 
Accelerates aging 
Interferes with your productivity 
Depression 
Anxiety 
Substance Abuse 
Feelings of Failure 

And when you do that long enough and often enough, it leads to all the bad stuff they were talking about earlier:

self criticism effects

Is that serious enough for you to get you stop? 

Do you say things to yourself like:

“You’re so stupid” 

“You’re an idiot” 

“I Hate You” 

“What’s Wrong with you?”

Or do you lie awake at night endlessly replaying a negative situation over and over again in your head, telling yourself you should have said this, or you should have done that?

In the article, the next thing they ask is, “What should I do?” And their one word answer is: Self-Compassion

Self-Compassion is the practice of being kind and understanding to ourselves when confronted with a personal flaw or failure.  

self-compassion

And they offer three steps to help with Self-Compassion:

  1. Meditation  
  2. Meet your criticism with kindness (change your self talk from “you’re a loser” to “everybody makes mistakes”)
  3. Start noticing how you feel better when you are more compassionate with yourself, and then keep doing it over and over again 

When they’re discussing the three steps in this article, they wrote: “This is, of course, easier said than done.” And that’s the whole problem, isn’t it? 

I’m sorry, but you and I both know that simply telling someone to stop calling themselves a loser and telling them to start meditating is not going to stop a lifetime of self-loathing and self-criticism. I had years of therapy and it didn’t stop it, because it didn’t get to the root of what was causing it. 

You see, so much of the pain and self-loathing comes from so many deep places and they affect us on all levels — physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. When we have issues of not loving ourselves completely and unconditionally (and I have to say every single person I’ve ever met has that to one degree or another), it shows up on all those levels. 

On the Physical level, we feel insecure about our bodies (haven’t you noticed how even people who are “beautiful” think they aren’t perfect?). 

On the Emotional level, we deeply feel the self-criticism and it goes to our core. 

On the Mental level, we’re thinking things like “I’m a loser,” “I’m so stupid,” etc. 

On the Spiritual level, we actually believe that there’s something wrong with us. 

Unless we’re dealing with this on all four levels, it just stays there, stuck and not moving. 

We had a man come to us last year who, on the outside, seemed to have it all. He was very successful in his work, he had what seemed to be a great marriage, he was in good health, and his kids were doing well. His wife contacted us because all of a sudden he was feeling really unhappy and withdrawn – not really depressed, he just wasn’t happy and he had no idea why. We told her that we couldn’t set up the retreat for him unless we spoke with him directly and made sure he actually wanted to come (that’s the only way this will work).  

When we connected with him, he was saying all this self-deprecating stuff about himself, which he told us he did because he didn’t want other people to think he had a big ego. But as we delved deeper, we really got to it. 

did you feel

We discovered that he had been given up for adoption at birth and he was never able to find any kind of information about either of his parents. Even though he had been adopted by a very loving family who took great care of him, we discovered that he had a very deep seated belief that “there must be something wrong with me,” for his own mother to have given him up.  

He had never told anyone, not even his wife, that he felt this way. He hid the fact that he was adopted, he was ashamed of it, and he felt that in some way, he was a phony. That if people “really knew” him, really knew the truth about him, they wouldn’t like him. In his emotional clearing session all of this finally came spilling out, all these years of holding all this in, this self-loathing that literally had been eating away at him like a cancer. 

And then he did a Radiant Heart Healing and the hole that was left from all the self-loathing was suddenly filled with all this love that he was feeling for himself…he said it was just gushing and gushing. 

But the most amazing thing was in his Breath Journey. He was already feeling great, and feeling all this self love when suddenly he had a vision of a woman who he just knew was his mother, even though he had no idea of what she actually looked like.

I told him later that I thought this was the Divine Mother, the mother of us all coming to him and he stopped me and said, “Debra, no I know it was my mother, the spirit of my mother.” Now you have to understand this is a very successful, very straight business man who started out being very skeptical about all of this stuff, saying all this to me and of course, I just loved it and was so happy for him that he was feeling all this healing love.  

He went back home and his wife told me later that he is totally a changed man. She then told me she had been afraid he actually had cancer because he seemed to her to be withering away, even though he had been tested and there was no indication of that. I told her that self-loathing can be a type of cancer – it eats away at us and now these studies are showing all the negative effects it can have on us. 

If this is an issue that you’re struggling with, please reach out and let us help. We’re masters at getting to the root of what’s causing the self-loathing, clearing it out and moving you back into connection on all levels – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it and subscribe to our channel

And If you want an even more direct path to really loving yourself completely, – then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com  and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today. 

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that will turn your life around, call us at 928/204-5988. 

You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it!

Are you giving (and receiving) what you need in your relationship?

If you have any issues going on in your relationship (and let’s face it, most of us do) I REALLY want you to watch this video. After being a divorce attorney for 20 years and working with couples here at Sedona Soul Adventures for over 17 years, I know that the #1 problem that most couples have is not communication – it’s the lack of nurturing each other…of getting what you need and giving what the other one needs. Watch this and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Let us help you get back into the Nurturing Zone. Come to Sedona and do a Couples Retreat. Can you imagine how good it would feel to come back into the love and connection that brought you together in the first place?

couples retreat

Call us and connect with one of our Retreat Guides. They’ll connect with both of you separately and really dig deep to discover what’s keeping you out of the Nurturing Zone.

Then they’ll put together a retreat that’s custom designed for exactly what you need and want, and to bring you back into the love, connection and sizzle that you crave.

i want my transformation

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

You might also like to download your free copy of our “Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats.” That will give you a real idea of what we do and how it works. But please — for the sake of your relationship, do something to get yourself back into the Nurturing Zone.

Sherri completes her 4th Retreat (!) her 2nd Couples Retreat, and says, “Every experience has been unique and special, and worth every penny!!!”

sedona soul adventure retreat testimonial

Today I’m going to talk to you about How to get what you want in your relationship. If you’ve been following me for a while, you probably already know that I was a divorce attorney in Omaha, Nebraska for over 20 years. And then in 2002, I started Sedona Soul Adventures, where we do retreats for individuals and couples. So I spent 20 years divorcing people, and now I’ve spent almost 20 years helping people stay together. 

Our record for helping people with their relationships is absolutely stunning and it’s because we’re able to dig deep to get at the root of the problem, and sometimes the problem is not what either person thinks it is. A big piece of this is finding out what each of you need in your relationship and deciding if you are willing to give it to the other person?  

We had a couple here last year and it was stunning. The husband had an affair and on the surface it looked like just one of the usual situations that sadly we see a lot of. They had grown apart and the husband, I’ll call him Mike, had an affair. Even though he said he loved his wife, I’ll call her Linda, and he adored their two children, the affair had happened and it had gone on longer than Mike had originally told Linda. Linda, of course, was devastated and really, really angry and felt like she could never trust him again. And of course, those reactions are completely natural.  

Mike’s father was a womanizer and his mother left his father when he was very young. He and his mother went to live with relatives in a household that was basically full of men-hating women. Mike grew up hearing about how terrible men are, how you can’t trust them and they’re all womanizers, and he grew up afraid that he would be like that too. But he wasn’t, he’d been married for 20 years, had never had the urge to have an affair and was even saying to us over and over again, “I can’t believe I did that, I can’t believe I jeopardized my whole life” like that. 

Linda grew up in a family where her mother constantly criticized her father and so Linda thought that’s how you communicate with a husband. You get him to do what you want by criticizing him.  

We discovered through our process that the needs that Mike has are Words of Praise and Gifts.

At this point, this might sound to some of you like the Love Languages work that is out there, which I like, but what we do is very different and very specific for each person. 

We discovered through our process that the needs that Linda has are Listening, Conversation and Protection.

Which also made sense because Linda’s mother also criticized Linda and her father would never stand up for her with her mother, so Linda grew up believing, “I have no one to protect me.” 

So Linda needs a man who will talk to her and protect her. And we quickly discovered that Mike just simply wasn’t talking to her and really hadn’t been throughout their marriage and she was, quite understandably, upset about it. And of course, the affair was the ultimate betrayal, how could anyone feel protected by someone who had betrayed them?

Mike didn’t want to have a lot of conversations with Linda because she was constantly criticizing him. She thought she was “helping him” by telling him what to do and how to do it, but it all just felt like criticism to him and Linda got it, how it would feel like that to him. 

So here we have a man whose most basic relationship need is Words of Praise and all he’s getting is Criticism. We have a woman whose most basic relationship need is Conversation and we have a man who won’t talk to her.

But then here’s the kicker:

When we discovered that Mike’s other need was Gifts, we asked him about that. He started tearing up as he told us that he never got gifts when he was growing up, not even for his birthday.  

And guess who gives him gifts? The woman that he had an affair with. And guess what else she gave him? Words of Praise. His other deepest need. It wasn’t about sex, it was about him feeling valued. 

When Mike and Linda realized they were living in this crazy, vicious cycle of he needs Words of Praise and she’s criticizing him, and she needs Conversation and he doesn’t want to talk to her because he doesn’t want to get criticized…and how this had much more to do with their childhoods than with what is going on now…and it’s just this crazy thing that keeps on happening and keeps on going back and forth until someone finally says, “STOP! Wait a minute. He needs Words of Praise and Gifts, are you willing to give that to him?”

And we say to him, “She needs conversation and protection, are you willing to give that to her?” It was harder for him to say yes, because they had 20 years of not really talking to each other. But when she saw him tear up over the gifts thing, her heart just melted. When he got that she was just doing what her mother had taught her to do, he got it. They both got it — that you have to give the other one what they need, not what you think they need, but what they need and want, you have to nurture them in what they need. 

If you’re not willing to do that, you don’t have a relationship. And you certainly don’t have a relationship that’s going to last for very much longer. 

Now understand, I’m not saying that what Mike did was okay, far from it. Having an affair is simply not okay, but when Linda understood all this, she really got it, her heart opened and she was able to forgive him and love him again. 

So How about you?  

Do you know what you want in a relationship? I’ve been surprised to discover that most people don’t. 

Do you know (really) what your partner wants? 

Do you care? That’s actually the most important one, because if you aren’t willing to give your partner what they want, things aren’t going to work. 

Have you spent any time thinking about how your parents were with each other because that can be really telling.

Were they happy?
Were they loving with each other?  
Did they talk?  
Did they fight?  
What did they teach you? (Even though they probably didn’t think they were teaching you.) 

But even more deeply, how was your childhood? 

Did you feel loved?
Did you feel valued?
Were you criticized?
Did you grow up believing there’s something wrong with you?  

Sadly, for many of us, things happen to make us believe that we’re not enough, that we don’t deserve love and then we bring all that into our relationships and it comes out in all kinds of crazy ways, like having affairs and mistreating the person we’re supposed to love. 

What do you really want? 

What do you crave? 

What do you need? 

Come to Sedona and we’ll help you discover that and help move out the blocks that are keeping you from the loving relationship you desire. That’s what we do all day, every day with our custom-designed retreats. 

What you need is probably different than what your partner needs. The blocks that have happened for you are the result of different things that caused the blocks for your partner. We’ll dig all that out and bring you into the love that’s waiting for you. 

Go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today. 

Or even better, if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for exactly what the two of you need,  call us at 928/204-5988. 

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it and subscribe to our channel

You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it!

The “Fun” (Almost Magical) Way to Get Out of Debt

Last week I talked with you about what your debt says about you and gave you very important (but unfun) ways to get out of debt. It’s very good and we got a huge response from it (if you didn’t see it, click here). 

Today I want to talk to you about the “fun” (almost magical) way to get out of debt and I’ll tell you the story of the day that $50,000 dropped out of the sky (it’s almost unbelievable, but it’s true).

Being in debt is so awful – it just crushes you, it feels like this giant weight that is constantly there and you think and worry and fret about it all the time. At least that’s what I did.

Find out how I turned that around and how you can too!

As I said last week, I want to be very careful about what I say to you about doing a Soul Adventure if you’re in debt. I don’t want to encourage you to be irresponsible, but as I talk about in this video, I was $50,000 in debt the first time I came to Sedona and it changed everything around for me. 

Let’s explore this together:

i want my transformation

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

fun ways to get out of debt

In my last video, I spoke with you about being in debt. And I spoke with you about what that reflects in your life and what I called the Unfun ways of coming out of debt – important things that you can start doing that will start to help you right now:  

  • Spending less 
  • Paying off debt 
  • Saving more 

Important, but sort of boring and not fun. But today I want to talk to you about Really Fun ways to get out of debt and change things around for your money situation.  

control how you think about money

Here’s where this gets very interesting and exciting. Because no matter what you’re telling yourself right now, you can control how you think and feel about money 

And you can turn the energy around. 

The Journey to Happy Book by Debra Stabgl

I spend a lot of time talking about this in my book, The Journey to Happy, and I want to encourage you to spend 99 cents to buy the Kindle version of my book – yes, now I’m talking to you about spending money, because it’s the best 99 cents you’ll ever spend, because it will help you understand these ideas more deeply.  

einstein

What I talk about in my book is that one of the truths that Einstein discovered (and that Quantum Physics continues to prove) is that Everything is Energy. Even this desk, which feels so stable and strong, is – at its core – just a bunch of particles racing around. 

Money is energy. Most people don’t believe that and don’t understand it, and that’s why they have so much trouble. 

money is energy

If everything is energy (and now we know it is), that means that everything is much more elastic, much more malleable, and much more possible to change than we think it is.  

Quantum physics has also proven that.

Putting our attention on something in any way changes it.  

So, if everything is energy and if putting our attention on something in any way changes it, that means we are all creating our reality in every moment

what we focus on expands

What we focus on expands.  

We get more of whatever it is that we think about and talk about.  

If you’re in debt, you are probably like I was when I was deep in debt: Thinking about it all the time, worrying about it all the time. 

credit card debt

Because I was thinking about it all the time and worrying about it all the time and talking about it all the time, I was getting more and more of it, no matter what I did. 

everything is energy

But here’s the good news – because everything is energy and because putting our attention on something in any way changes it…

You are creating your reality in every moment. 

That means: You can change the parts that you don’t like. 

That is really great news! If you are creating your reality, that means that you can change the parts that you don’t like – the parts that aren’t making you happy

The trick is, you need to learn how to flip the switch. 

The easiest way to do that is to Stop THINKING about what you don’t want and Stop TALKING about what you don’t want.

When I was afraid about money, it could never come to me or if it came, something else came along after to take it away. It’s simple physics – you have to be in the same high Vibration as the money. If you’re fearful, frustrated and upset about money, it literally cannot come to you. 

Which makes it pretty difficult, right, because when you’re in debt or your money situation isn’t the way you want it to be, if you’re like I was, you’re thinking about it all the time…obsessing about it all the time…worrying about it all the time. Which makes it impossible for it to come to you.  

But if you can learn to go with the flow, magical things happen. 

Let me tell you the story of what happened to me and the day that $50,000 dropped out of the sky…

When I first came to Sedona over 20 years ago, my entire life was a mess. I had just started my 20th year of law practice and I hated it, I was in an unhappy marriage, I weighed 40 pounds more than I do now, and I was $50,000 in debt due to some very bad business decisions.  

I worried constantly about money. It was always on my mind. I would wake up in the morning and start worrying about it and I would go to bed worried about it. I was always fearful, frustrated and upset, so of course money couldn’t come to me. 

During those five years, I spent a lot of time praying and meditating, saying, “God, I’m so unhappy! Please tell me what to do!” Almost every time I did that, I would hear a voice say, “You need to leave your law practice.” I would immediately respond, “I can’t do that! I’ve got a mortgage and two car payments! I’m the sole supporter and I’m $50,000 in debt! I CAN’T leave my law practice!”  

So the last thing in the world I should have been spending money on at this point in my life was a spiritual retreat. But I put it on my credit card and I came. 

I came to Sedona and did one session – and in that session my Higher self appeared to me and told me I had to leave my law practice or I was going to die. Well, this time I heard the message. 

I went home and after two weeks of trying to figure out how I was possibly going to leave my law practice when I was $50,000 in debt, there was a day where something just happened. I was meditating and praying, and I just felt all the worry and concern just lift off me. I just felt it. I remember saying, “Ok God, I’m going to do this. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but I’m going to do it, but I need some help.” 

Within about 8 hours, a former client called to ask me some questions and at the end of the call told me he had just bought a new business refinancing mortgages. I asked him if he thought he could get my mortgage payment reduced. He took my address and called me back in 10 minutes and said, “I can get your mortgage payment cut in half and I can get you $50,000 in cash.” 

Now I had never told him I was $50,000 in debt. He certainly didn’t know about my going into that high vibrational state where I just released the worry and concern. But suddenly, within a few hours, the worry and concern that had haunted me for five years was gone.  

And ever since then, whenever I feel worried about money, I just stop. 

Because I know these principles: 

Whatever I’m afraid of, is coming faster. 

Whatever I’m excited about, is coming faster. 

If I’m afraid of not having enough money, I do everything I can to take myself out of that feeling, because I KNOW my fear is keeping the money away. In my other videos, I’ve given you lots of things you can do to bring yourself out of those energies, such as:    

  • Tapping  
  • Deep Breathing
  • Change Your Story, Change Your Life

I never talk to people about not having enough money, I only talk about abundance. 

You can use other little tricks like…  

Listening to Music 
Petting your pet 
Going outside in the sunshine 
Writing in your Gratitude Journal 

The trick is getting there and staying there. But the key is all in these three simple steps:  

1. Get happy  
2. Stay happy 

And in order to get happy and stay happy: 

3. Don’t think about what you don’t want and don’t talk about what you don’t want  

It all comes down to stop worrying about money.

Again, I know that’s much easier said than done, because I was someone who worried about it for years and years, but I’ll tell you, when you can stop worrying and instead start getting excited about what’s on the way, money will start to flow to you. 

visualization

So do this: When you start to worry – stop and instead, think about how great it will be to have your money woes behind you, think about how fantastic it will feel to have your credit cards all paid, visualize your bank statement having a balance that is really large. Feel the feeling of what it feels like to have money in savings. Feel what it feels like to have all that worry off your shoulders. Start appreciating what you have and really feel that. 

This is so deceptively simple. It’s simple, I know it’s not easy, because I’ve been there through those sleepless nights, but I will tell you, when you flip the switch — and you can tell when that’s happening — miracles can actually happen. 

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it and subscribe to our channel

And If you want an even more direct path to dealing you’re your money issues, I’m going to say to you – think about doing a Soul Adventure. Money blocks for most people are huge and go way back and run deep. I don’t want you to be irresponsible, but look at what happened to me – I came here and $50,000 dropped out of the sky three weeks later.

I can’t tell you the number of people who have come here and gone home, and gotten the job of their dreams and had their entire life change around. You need to listen to your own guidance, but you may want to just start exploring the possibilities. Excited expectation is the key to all of this. Go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that can turn your life around call us at (928) 204-5988.  

You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it!

My Favorite Spiritual Movies – “Groundhog Day”

Have you ever seen the movie “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray? It’s one of my favorite spiritual movies of all time. It has such incredible messages – watch my video:

Do you ever feel like Phil (the Bill Murray character) feels? Feeling stuck in your life and there’s nothing you can do about it?

There is something you can do about it.

Call us, let us help.

It’s all about moving out the gunk and the blocks that are holding you in disconnection and then moving you back into connection on all the levels – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The specific ways are different for each person. That’s why our custom-designed retreats are so powerful and effective.

Would you like to speak to an Angel Guide today? Or later this week? Call us – connect with one of our Angel Guides and let them design a retreat that can bring you back into Heaven on Earth.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

And remember, we even work on Sunday, we’re here for you.

If you knew what could happen you’d be contacting us right now.

Kelly says her Soul Adventure “surpassed all my expectations” and
was “worth every penny.”

“Sedona Soul Adventures surpassed all my expectations. The practitioners are deeply committed, knowledgeable, and caring. I felt like l had the best possible experts all working together to help me find and focus on my ‘true’ self. I have a tool box that I can use when faced with challenges and am better able to recognize triggers and instead of reacting, I’m able to reconnect with my inner voice and follow a path that is informed by love, instead of ego or fear. Worth every penny, and I plan to go back again for a refresher and/or to continue my development.”
~ Kelly R., Chicago, Illinois

In these series of videos I’m talking about concepts from my book, The Journey to Happy– How Embracing the Concept that Nothing is wrong can transform your life…with processes that can help you feel a lot happier right away. 

And most of the time when I’m doing these videos, I’m talking to you about very heavy issues – and today I want to do something a little bit different. 

I have a list of what I call, “My Favorite Spiritual Movies” and I’m going to be talking to you about them today and into the future for two reasons: 

  1. They have messages that are really amazing, wonderful and helpful.    
  2. Watching a movie can very often immediately make you feel better. 

One of the things that I talk about a lot in my book is that when you start to feel yourself beginning to slip and just starting to not feel great, do something – anything – to start making yourself feel better… like listening to music, petting your dog or your cat, or watching a movie that makes you laugh or simply feel good. 

So here’s one of these movies for me: “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray. Have you seen this movie? Your first reaction might be, “This is a spiritual movie?” Because it is very, very funny, very irreverent; it’s Bill Murray at his best. But yes, I want to assure you it’s definitely at the top of my list of the top 10 spiritual movies of all time.  

And you may not know the backstory of this – that it was written and directed by Harold Ramis, a Buddhist (he passed a few years ago), and this movie is all about consciousness. It’s all about how we perceive things and how everything can shift in an instant.

So if you’ve never seen it, watch it. And if you’ve never watched it from this perspective, definitely watch it again and you’ll see what I mean. 

In the movie, Phil, played by Bill Murray, is reliving the same day (Groundhog Day) over and over again. He plays a weatherman who is covering whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow. He is stuck in his own personal hell with himself – he’s selfish, egotistical, shallow and doesn’t care about anyone other than himself. 

Worse, he can’t get out of it and he can’t get away from himself. He even tells us that he hates himself. 

He’s completely stuck.  

And when he figures out what’s happening, that he’s reliving the same day over and over again, he goes through anger, frustration, manipulation, depression and even suicide (which doesn’t work) until something changes. He falls in love and begins to live his life from a completely different perspective; in that instant, his life changes.  

It’s such an incredible parable: 

When we start allowing what is, our life transforms. 

When we love with no expectation or demands, we get exactly what we want. 

We can transform from living in hell, to living in Heaven on Earth. It’s our choice and it just takes an instant. 

Do you sometimes feel like you’re living in a kind of hell? 

Do you feel like there’s nothing you can do about  it? 

Well, I’m here to tell you there is something you can do about it. Your life can be transformed if you’re willing to take responsibility for your life and your creations. The way you perceive the world and the way you move in the world can be changed in an instant. I see it all the time and it is truly miraculous. 

It’s all about moving out the gunk and the blocks that are holding you in disconnection and then moving you back into connection on all the levels:

  • Physical
  • Mental
  • Mmotional
  • Spiritual. 

The specific ways are different for each person. That’s why our custom-designed retreats are so powerful and effective. 

So call us – connect with one of our Angel Guides and let them design a retreat that can bring you back into Heaven on Earth.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

To get more information, go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

Sexual Abuse

Have you or anyone you know been a victim of sexual abuse or assault?

I’m asking because I’m so stunned by the sheer numbers of people that come to our retreats who have this as something that happened to them. And so saddened by the fact that this haunts them throughout their lives.

It’s happened to both men and women, sometimes when they were very young, and almost none of them told anyone about it.

So the terrible parts for this, for me, in addition to what happened, is then what happens after that.

I’m amazed at the number of stories I’ve been told of people telling their parent, usually their mother, and not being believed.

Or worse, being blamed that they somehow brought this on themselves.

And then the number of people who somehow blame themselves for what happened. Especially teenagers or people who were on a date and because they were being friendly or because they had something to drink, they’re blaming themselves.

And it’s people from every walk of life – every ethnicity, male, female, upper class, middle class, lower class – it’s so pervasive that I actually feel it is a type of epidemic.

I was reading recently that when Freud did his initial work, he was working primarily with women in the upper class of Vienna and he was discovering that huge numbers of them were saying that they had been sexually abused by a family member, usually a father or a brother. When he first started talking about it, there was such an uproar, that he changed his analysis. He started talking about it as though the women had made it up, that they were “hysterical.”

And the worst part is the cover up. The person tells someone, they’re not believed and so they shut up about it. And then they carry it with them, this huge weight that is dragging them down.

And then here’s another worst part, (I keep saying this is the worst part, because there’s so many terrible parts to this), it gets twisted into this terrible belief that they take on that this happened because there’s something wrong with them. Or now that it happened, there’s something wrong with them.

And then, like I said, they carry it around.

We’ve had people come to us where this happened over 40 years ago and they’re still suffering, or 30 years ago, or 20 years ago, and they still feel it like a scar, like a wound.

If this is something that has happened to you or someone you deeply care about, I want to reach out to you to lay this burden down. This pain doesn’t need to be carried around any longer.

This energy can be released and you can come back into connection on all levels – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Because it affects people on those levels.

  • Some people don’t physically enjoy sex any longer because of the abuse, or it’s painful for them, either physically or emotionally.
  • The emotional pain typically shows up in feelings of inadequacy.
  • The mental part is all the thoughts racing in your head of “there’s something wrong with me,” “this is my fault,” “I’ll never get over this,” “my life is ruined.”
  • The spiritual part shows up in different ways. The spiritual aspect is about beliefs, so you take on those untrue thoughts that there’s something wrong with you. But on an even deeper level, we’ve found many people who have lost their faith, in that “how could God let something like this happen to me?” It’s especially insidious when it’s been a father, because for a young child, the father can represent God.

We have helped so many people who have had this happen to them. If this is something that is still haunting you or someone you deeply care about, please call us and let us help.

Call and speak with one of our Angel Guides. For some people, this is the hardest part, speaking about it, sometimes for the very first time. Our Angel Guides, are incredible, they are so compassionate and caring, you’ll feel better just having spoken with them. And it’s so freeing to finally talk about it with someone who cares.

When they speak with you, they’ll tune it and determine exactly how the impact of this is showing up for you, because it’s different for everyone. Some people are depressed, some people are angry, some people are ashamed. For some, it has greatly impacted their relationships, for others, it has greatly impacted their feelings of empowerment or inadequacy, for some, it has even impacted how they show up in the world. And it can definitely impact how you are as a partner and as a parent.

However it’s showing up for you, they’ll get to the root of it and put together a retreat of private sessions designed to move out the old, hurtful energy and moving you into connection on all levels – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Julianne says that after her Soul Adventure she feels happier, enlightened and TALLER! “I was freed from this shame I have carried through my life.”

“I was totally meant to go to Sedona. It is a magical place with incredible people. During my retreat, I felt myself change, a warm yellow light grew from inside of me. By my last day, I felt taller, happier, enlightened, I felt I finally awoke that wonderful, beautiful spirit deep inside of me that was afraid to come out. I was freed from this shame I have carried through my life. I wish for every human person to go through an experience like mine, it was worth every penny. I will go back to Sedona without a doubt.”
~ Julianne V., Ottawa, Canada

I love it so much that Julianne’s retreat helped her so deeply and isn’t it sweet, she says her Soul Adventure made her feel TALLER! That’s a new one.

But that’s exactly what happens. Shame (or depression or feeling “less than,” etc.) does that to you. It makes you feel smaller. It makes you feel less than. When those blocks are gone and that “wonderful beautiful spirit deep inside of you” comes through, you’re suddenly lighter and happier, and that literally makes you stand up taller! It’s so amazing.

What To Do About Burnout

In the past few months, I’ve been focusing my newsletters and videos on burnout because it’s such a huge problem.

Did you know that the World Health Organization has now recognized burnout as a legitimate condition that needs to be managed and treated?

In this week’s video, I have some really good ways to help you deal with burnout. It’s so important – it could save your life!

If burnout is happening with you, it’s time to do something about it!

As I say in the video, simply getting better organized is not going to reduce your level of burnout. You need to do something to turn this around, to get at the heart of what’s really the problem. What is really causing your stress, what’s really going on?

Let us help you. Let us get to the root of what’s going on. It’s in there somewhere and we’re masters at figuring that out, clearing it out and bringing you back into connection.

Call us – we can help.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Brian says, “Before my Soul Adventure, I was completely burned out…
I had a complete awakening and am now happy and at peace
with myself.”

“My experience with Sedona Soul Adventures was unimaginable. I arrived in a complete state of desperation and total burnout. Life made no sense to me and I really had an incredible amount of hatred toward myself. Things started to become clear so quickly. An understanding of my purpose and what life is and means began to appear, and then every session built upon that so powerfully that by the fourth day, I had reached a complete awakening.

I cannot describe in words the feeling of relief that I had finally experienced. I was finally back home in my heart. Let me include the fact that I was not a very spiritual, religious or very loving, caring person. I just opened up my mind and allowed things to happen without resistance. I was very skeptical of SSA in terms of if it was some hokey sort of thing and was going to be a complete waste of time. That could not be further from the truth. If you are serious about changing your life and becoming happy and at peace with yourself, this is the best next step you could take.”
~ Brian R., Los Angeles, CA

In this series of videos, I’ve been talking to you about burnout, because it’s such a serious issue and so many people are suffering from it. 

In fact, it’s become so serious around the world, that the World Health Organization has recognized it as a condition that needs serious attention and treatment. 

 

In my previous videos I’ve talked about: 

  • Burnout in your Work 
  • Burnout in your Relationship 
  • Burnout in your Life 

And today I want to talk about what you can do about it. 

If this is the first of these videos that you’ve watched, let me back up just a little to talk about what burnout is. HelpGuide defines Burnout as:

Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. 

And it’s important to note that burnout is different than stress. Stress spikes, burnout is just getting to the point where you feel like you just can’t take it anymore and you just don’t want to do anything, you’re listless and just disinterested.  

If this is happening in your life, I can’t tell you how important it is to deal with it. Study after study is showing the kind of continual stress that leads to burnout is directly linked to heart attack, stroke, cancer and a compromised immune system.

This Can Kill You! 

So please, do something about this before it’s too late. Do it for yourself, do it for your family.

How do deal with Burnout 

So the question is, how do you deal with Burnout? The obvious first answer is don’t let it happen in the first place. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but if you’re not at burnout yet and you’re just stressed out a lot, you can save yourself or someone you love a whole lot of problems if you do something before you’ve gone completely over the edge. 

So this means Managing Your Stress. 

What are things that can reduce your stress? 

Study after study shows that three of the easiest things that you can start doing right now, today are:

  • Get 8 hours of sleep 
  • Exercise 
  • Meditate 
  • Breathe 

And of course, everyone’s first reaction is, “I don’t have time for any of those and I can’t meditate, I have monkey mind.” 

Get up 1 hour earlier. Studies have shown that just 30 minutes of exercise is optimal for everything that your body needs. And even the Dalai Lama says that he has monkey mind – everyone has monkey mind – so find a meditation that will work for you and keep at it. Stop watching TV at night, stop playing video games, go to bed one hour earlier. 

If you do this, you are handling the first three by giving yourself the time to exercise and meditate. And isn’t it worth it to save your life? 

The final one is to breathe. And everyone has time for that. The problem is that you’re just not doing it. And don’t think this is New Age, woo-woo stuff. This is what doctors and scientists are telling people to do and here’s why…

When we get stressed, we go into fight or flight and our body starts pumping cortisol and we start breathing rapidly. It’s our caveman brain acting like we’re running away from a tiger. The problem is our brain doesn’t know the difference between a tiger and an upset at work; our brain makes our body react the same way to any stress. 

What doctors, scientists and yogis in India all know is that when you start taking full deep breaths, you are signaling to your body, “I’m safe,” and your rapid heart rate slows down and you stop pumping the cortisol that’s filling into your body. 

When something happens in your life, just stop and take a moment to breathe. Go into a bathroom if you want to, but just stop and take slow breaths. 

All of this that I’m talking about is about Being Mindful. Notice what’s happening, be present, stop, breathe.

And now, here’s what I think is the most important one. Figure out how to not sweat the small stuff. And I’m going to pull out the big guns on this one: in a study of stressed out men, they found that stressing over the small stuff kills you: 

“People who always perceived their daily life to be over-the-top stressful were three times more likely to die over the period of study than people who rolled with the punches and didn’t find daily life very stressful.”
Carolyn Aldwin 
Center for Healthy Aging Research 

Think about it. They had people dying during this study and they were the ones that stressed out over small stuff. 

How about you? 

Does a glitch in traffic make you crazy? 
Do you lie awake at night worrying about stuff? 
Do you get anxious when you’re late?        
Do little annoyances make your heart start pumping?

If so, you’ve got to figure out a way that works for you to calm yourself down. This is what I talk about in my book, The Journey to Happy – How Embracing the Concept that Nothing is Wrong Can Transform Your Life. This is the way to flip the switch out of stress and back into peace. 

It’s simple, but it’s not easy, but I’ll tell you as someone who used to overreact to absolutely everything absolutely all the time, this concept saved my life. 

Do I still react and over react? Yes, I must admit that I do, but I’m happy to say that I do it much less often and when I do, I’m able to stop and pull myself back much more quickly than I used to. The Kindle version of the book is only 99 cents on Amazon (you can buy it here). The book has nine processes that can help you to flip that switch.  

Because here’s the thing -– stress comes from what you’re believing about your situation and yourself, and that’s making you fearful and triggering the stress response.  

If your boss says to you, “I’ve got to have that report by 5,” and you know there’s no way you’re going to have that report by 5, your heart starts racing, you go into panic mode, you yell at your wife when she calls you 10 minutes later, you start thinking things like, “I’m going to get fired,” “I can’t do this,” “There’s something wrong with me,” “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m not good enough”… All of which are lies. 

Simply getting better organized is not going to reduce all that. That’s why you need to do something to turn this around to get at the heart of what’s really the problem. What’s really causing your stress, what’s really going on.  

Let us help you. Let us get to the root of what’s ailing you. It’s in there somewhere and we’re masters at figuring that out, clearing it out and bringing you back into connection.

hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

To get more information, go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

SSA named one of Inc.’s Fastest Growing Companies in US

I am so happy to announce that this past week. Sedona Soul Adventures was named to the Inc. 5000 list of fastest-growing companies in the US. Other companies who have received this honor include Microsoft, Dell, Domino’s Pizza, Pandora, LinkedIn, Zillow and many others. I’m still in shock!

I feel so blessed and I’m so grateful to our incredible practitioners and my amazing staff. It’s mind blowing to me to think that I started all of this over 17 years ago in my living room and to see what it’s become – 13 staff members and over 50 practitioners.

But the best part is our wonderful clients. We’ve served over 9,000 people, which is kind of amazing when you realize we do all this one person (or couple) at a time.

And all of this has happened because this works – and it works in such an (almost) unbelievable way. It’s because of our unique approach and our Proven Process. All of the retreats are custom designed for each individual or couple. The retreats aren’t cookie cutter. We spend a lot of time really talking to people before they come, to really get an idea of what’s happening and what they want to have happen, and then we custom design the retreat based on their needs and desires. We work with a network of over 50 of Sedona’s most advanced and experienced healers, and our clients work with them in private one-on-one (or two-on-one) sessions, not in groups. I’m still amazed at what happens even after 17 years and all these thousands of people!

And the most important thing for me is that these are real and lasting changes. Not a week goes by where I don’t get an email or message from someone who came here last year, or 10 years ago, who says something like, “Sedona Soul Adventures changed my life” or “Sedona Soul Adventures saved our marriage.” Here’s one we just received 2 weeks ago:

Most of you know I was a divorce attorney in Omaha, Nebraska for over 20 years until I came to Sedona for the first time in 1999. At the time, every part of my life was a mess. I had read a zillion books, I had gone to a ton of workshops and seminars, I even did therapy and nothing really helped me. I thought my trip to Sedona was going to just be 3 days of rest, but instead, I did one session (with Ranjita, who is still one of our most beloved practitioners) and in that session I got the message I had to change my life. Little did I know what would come out of that one session!

I went back to Omaha, closed my law practice and started coming to Sedona for months at a time, working with different practitioners, doing my own personal healing (The joke at the office is that my Soul Adventure took 3 years – everyone else does it in 3 or 4 days!). I finally discovered what worked – doing sessions one-on-one with these amazing practitioners in private sessions, where they were taking me from where I was to where I wanted to be. It changed everything for me. I moved to Sedona and started Sedona Soul Adventures because I wanted other people to be able to experience the same incredible transformations that changed my life.

People come to us burned out, stressed out, not knowing their purpose and they leave here feeling connected and ready to live their purpose to the fullest. Couples come to us wanting to reignite the spark or on the verge of divorce, and everything gets turned around (one couple told us, “After our Soul Adventure, we feel like we are on fire!”) And after divorcing people for over 20 years, it’s really gratifying to now have spent over 17 years helping them stay together!

Again, I’m so grateful. A special thank you to my wonderful husband, Richard, who has become such a huge part of my life and of Sedona Soul Adventures. To be able to do this life’s work and now to be able to do it with my beloved soul mate, is such a huge blessing.

So let me reach out to you. If you haven’t done a Soul Adventure yet, please think about it. We have so many people who come and say, “I’ve been wanting to do this for years.” What’s it going to take to get you to make the decision?

Or if you’re one of our beloved grads, is it time for a tune-up? 

What’s happening with you? Are you living the life of your dreams? Does your relationship feed you and nurture you and add to your happiness every single day? If not, something is off. 

I started all this 17 years ago because I believe that happiness, peace, satisfaction, abundance and joy are our natural birthright. When we’re in connection on all levels – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual – every part of our life is smooth and happy. Stuff happens, but when we’re operating in connection we can more easily roll with the punches, understanding the underlying truth that “All is Well” and “Everything Is Happening As It Should Be” (all the stuff I talk about in my book, The Journey To Happy).

Most people don’t feel that way because they are disconnected on one or more of the levels (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual). What they don’t realize is that the stuff that’s causing that disconnect are just blocks and gunk that can be moved and lifted up and out. Once that happens, you can come back into connection and stay there. 

And that’s what we’re masters at – figuring out the blocks and gunk, lifting them up and out, utilizing processes to bring you back into connection and giving you tools so that you not only maintain, but continue to deepen all these transformations after you go home. That’s why our Proven Process works – and works in such amazing ways.

If your life or relationship isn’t all that you want it to be, please give us a call. Speak with one of our amazing Angel Guides, they are so incredible and one of the secrets of our success. They will design the retreat that’s perfect for you (or both of you for a couple) to take your life (or your relationship) from where you are to where you want to be.

 
Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Here’s our most recent testimonial from Trustpilot, from just yesterday:

And watch our 2 min announcement video on You Tube (and leave a nice comment? – Thanks!).

Are you burned out on your life?

I’ve been speaking with you in my last videos about Burn Out, because it’s becoming such a serious issue for so many people. 

I hope this helps.

Are you feeling Burned Out on your life? Or is someone in your life starting to burn out? If so, you need to do something and do it now. The first time I came to Sedona over 20 years ago, I was completely burned out in every area of my life – my work, my marriage, my body, money, everything. I know what it feels like to not want to get out of bed in the morning.

Coming to Sedona changed everything for me and maybe it can for you as well. Contact us.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Anne says, “Before my Soul Adventure, I was completely burned out and feeling empty. After, I feel so healthy and so much happier.”

“Before my Soul Adventure, I had reached a point in my life that I was completely burned out and feeling empty, and everything took so much energy.  I decided fairly quickly that I needed a spiritual retreat. I researched several places, including some a few hours from my home. From the website and after speaking with my Angel Guide, I knew Soul Adventures was where I needed to go. I went with an open mind. All the practitioners were amazing. I feel so healthy and so much happier after my experience. I love that I came home with tools to use. I look forward to my next Soul Adventure.”
~ Anne Q.

In one of my last two videos, I talked to you about burnout, but I was primarily talking there about burnout in your work and burnout in your relationship.  

But today I want to talk about: Are you burned out in your life? 

Most people talk about burnout with regard to work, but that’s something that’s very specific. I want to talk to you about burnout in your life. There’s a lot of similarities, but there’s also some important differences. 

Very often being burned out on life has to do with a situation that feels somehow insurmountable. This happens a lot with people who are acting as caregivers to family members who are seriously ill or handicapped, for example being the primary day to day caregiver for an aging family member or taking care of someone who is in a wheelchair or who is seriously ill. That can be a really difficult situation. 

Or maybe you’re a mom who is home with the kids or a dad being Mister Mom. For some people (not everyone), after a long period of time, this can become a very difficult situation. 

It’s interesting to me to look at the list for burnout that is on the Harvard HelpGuide. This was prepared around work burnout in general, but look at this in relation to feeling overwhelmed at home: 

  • Every day is a bad day. 
  • Caring about your work or home life seems like a total waste of energy. 
  • You’re exhausted all the time. 
  • The majority of your day is spent on tasks you find either mind-numbingly dull or overwhelming. 
  • You feel like nothing you do makes a difference or is appreciated. 

What are the signs? Well again, it’s very similar to work burnout: 

Do you feel unappreciated? 

Do you feel like whatever you do, it’s not enough? And that it’s probably never going to be enough. 

Do you feel hopeless? 

These are all signs that you’re suffering from burnout and you need to do something about it. The kind of Continual stress that leads to burnout is directly linked to Heart attack, Stroke, Cancer and a Compromised Immune System.

I can’t tell you how important it is to do something about this. When I came to Sedona the first time over 20 years ago, I was completely burned out. It started with burnout with my work, but then it just took over every area of my life. I hated my work, I weighed over 40 pounds more than I weigh now, it was affecting my marriage and ultimately led to divorce. My ex husband and I had made some bad business decisions during that time, which led us into debt of over $50,000, which just added to the pressure. 

I came to Sedona and I was lucky enough to find an amazing practitioner, Ranjita, who now works for me all these years later. It turned my life around, maybe it can do that for you or someone you love. 

Let us help you. Call us and let us dig deep to find the causes of your burnout. we’re masters at figuring that out, clearing it out and bringing you back into connection.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

To get more information, go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

Are you burned out in your relationship?

In my last video, I talked to you about burnout, but I was primarily talking about burnout in your work, because that’s the classic condition that seems to affect most people.

I hope you’ll watch this video on burnout in your relationship, because I’ll tell you from personal experience, it’s the worst.

  • Do you feel unappreciated?
  • Do you feel like whatever you do, it’s not enough? And that it’s probably never going to be enough?
  • Do you feel hopeless?

Like I said, when a relationship goes into burnout it’s the worst and I hope this video helps, or please forward it to someone where it might be of help.

As I said, if you’re feeling burned out in your relationship, give us a call and let us help you. Do you want to save your relationship? If there’s even a glimmer of hope, it’s worth saving, both for you and for your children. Please connect with us now.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Josh and Jen say their Couples Retreat was “the most amazing experience of our lives and as a couple. We feel like we are on fire!”

“This was probably the most amazing experience we have had in our lives and definitely as a couple. We came out of the adventure much closer and with a renewed sense of direction. We feel like we are on fire! Our lives have changed forever because of our Soul Adventure and it was just the boost we needed to grow in marriage and in life. We have a whole new perspective on our lives.” 
~ Josh & Jen B. 

In my last video, I talked to you about burnout, but I was primarily talking there about burnout in your work, because that’s the classic condition that seems to affect most people and that’s the condition that the World Health Organization has recently recognized. 

But today I want to talk about, “Are you burned out in your relationship?” 

Because if you are, that can be really terrible. 

What are the signs? Well it’s very similar to work burnout: 

Do you feel unappreciated? 

Do you feel like whatever you do, it’s not enough? And that it’s probably never going to be enough?

Do you feel hopeless? 

Do you feel like things that used to interest you or excite you no longer excite you? 

Do you have any excitement for the relationship? 

Are you fighting all the time and not having much sex? 

Does the thought of the other person bring up negative feelings?

These are all signs that you’re burned out on the relationship.

What about your partner? Does it feel like they’re experiencing the same thing? 

Do you see their eye wandering and watching other people? A lot more than they used to? 

If you’re saying “yes” to a bunch of these things, you’ve got a problem on your hands. 

If the relationship is that bad, is it possible to save it? 

Well, the answer to that is, it depends. 

Are you interested in saving it? 

Is it worth it to you to save the relationship? 

These are big questions and I invite you to sit with those a moment. 

Has something happened, like infidelity or a betrayal of some kind? 

Usually when things like that happen, if you’re feeling angry, upset and betrayed (all very normal emotions, by the way), that probably means we’re actually NOT talking about burnout, because burnout means you just kind of don’t care anymore. 

If you’re angry and upset, there’s some juice there, some energy which you can build on, so it might actually be a good thing. 

More likely, if you’re just feeling like you just don’t care anymore, then that’s the question – Do you care? Do you want to do something to save the relationship? 

Very often in situations like this, couples have stopped communicating. They go through the motions, but they’re not really talking. They go along, to get along, but nothing real is happening. 

This is the first place where you need to stop. You have to start engaging your partner, you have to connect with them. 

Maybe some things have happened that have built up resentments and you’re holding your partner in a space of “I don’t like him, I don’t love him.” 

Here’s a quick energy process you can do, that’s a variation on the HeartMath process:  

  1. Close your eyes 
  2. Place your hand over your heart 
  3. Slow down your breathing 
  4. Think of your partner. Think about the issues that you’re upset about, that you don’t like. Don’t give them a lot of energy, just acknowledge them. 
  5. Now that you’ve identified these things, go back to a time where things were really good in your relationship, a time where you felt love for your partner and you felt love from them. It might just be one time, but think about that and feel it. Keep breathing. 

Just do this for a few minutes every day and do it for a week. After a week, see if that has made any kind of difference, it can be amazing what happens when the energy starts to shift. 

A woman came to us a few years ago, telling us that she was married for the second time, she’d been married for 6 years and she was feeling no love for her husband, she just felt nothing. The thing that alarmed her was that she had been married before and at the point she was married for 6 years, the same thing had happened. We knew that this probably wasn’t just a coincidence. 

As we delved deeper, we discovered that her mother had left her father when she had been married 6 years. She was 5 when it happened and it was absolutely devastating and traumatizing for her. We made that connection and this huge light bulb came on. She remembered her mother telling her all the time, that she just felt nothing for her father. And here she was, playing out her mother’s life all over again. 

When she did her breath journey, this image of her husband came in and he came up to her and just kissed her hand. She said it was the most amazing thing, that suddenly, she felt a spark. She saw that nothing was wrong with him, this was all about her own emptiness at losing her father. They came back the next year and did a couples retreat, and it was so wonderful to see them so happy together and so in love. 

If you’re feeling burned out in your relationship, give us a call and let us help you. Do you want to save your relationship? If there’s even a glimmer of hope, it’s worth saving, both for you and for your children.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

To get more information, go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

Make your relationship a priority or suffer the consequences

You know how it goes. When you’re first together, you want to be with that other person all the time, you can’t get enough of them. And then you get married, your work is so important, you have kids, etc, etc, etc. 

And then suddenly you look up one day and the thrill is gone…

In my new video, I have some surprising things that you can do about it.

Is it time to make your relationship a priority? If so, maybe think about doing a Couples Retreat with us. One of the huge benefits of our Couples Retreats is that they are completely private. All of your sessions are either one-on-one or two-on-one with our Master Practitioners, many of whom have over 20 years of experience working with couples. They know how to bring your relationship to the next level.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Our Soul Adventure “enhanced our relationship to another level…we feel more connected”

That’s exactly what happens when you do a couples retreat with us – it enhances your relationship to a new level, bringing you a deeper connection and closeness.

There’s no better way to make your relationship a priority!

Wishing you a week filled with proper prioritization!
 

Those of you who have been following me for a long time know that I was a divorce attorney for 20 years in Omaha, Nebraska before I had a life-changing experience in Sedona that led me to start Sedona Soul Adventures. And since then, for the past 20 years, we’ve worked with thousands of couples, helping them to save their marriages and deepen their relationships. 

One of the biggest things that I’ve seen in working with couples now for over 40 years, is a problem that is so easy to solve, it’s almost magical. And that’s making your relationship a priority.

So what happens? When you’re first together, you’re in love, you want to spend every moment with that other person, then you get married or live together, you have kids, your work is so important, you’re so busy, you’ve got so much going on, just getting through each day can be really hard. 

You stop talking that much, you stop hanging out with each other because you’ve just got so much else to do, then you start noticing those little things that before you thought were cute and now just annoy the heck out of you. And that’s when you know you’re on the road to trouble. It’s one of the top complaints we hear in our couples retreats. 

If your relationship is important to you and you feel it starting to slip away from you, if you don’t feel the same kind of zing that you used to, then you need to do something and you need to do it soon. 

So here’s the first thing I want to say: If you’re a woman out there reading this, please don’t go to your husband and say, “We need to talk.”

The four most dreaded words for most men don’t want to hear is, “We need to talk.”   

Go to him in a quiet moment, a moment where you’re both in a good space and say to him, “I’ve been thinking about this lately… What is one thing I could do to let you know that you’re a priority in my life?” 

And then shut up and listen to what he has to say. Don’t edit or criticize. It might take him a few tries and don’t get angry if he jokingly says something crazy like having sex with his favorite Hollywood star… get him to tell you something and don’t be upset if it’s something that won’t involve you or the kids. In fact, encourage him to have it be something that doesn’t involve you or the kids, something that’s just for him. And if it’s reasonable and possible, do it. Do it with happiness, love and enthusiasm. 

And if you’re a man reading this, do the same thing with your wife. Ask her, “What is one thing I could do to let you know that you’re a priority in my life?” 

And then shut up and really listen. If it’s something you can do and hopefully it won’t be some huge shift that she’s asking you to do for the rest of your life, such as stop watching sports, then do it. And again, do it with happiness, love and enthusiasm.  

After you’ve successfully completed this, say to your partner, “I want us to spend more time together, just us, having fun.” If you know of something fun that you used to do together, suggest that. Don’t demand. Just suggest. 

Women, I will tell you this will be music to your man’s ears. So many men tell us that they feel they are such a distant second after the kids.  

You can tell what’s important to you by how much time you spend on it. Spending fun time together is magical at bringing the sizzle back into your marriage. 

And speaking of sizzle, don’t blush or be offended when I say another big booster of relationship happiness is to have more sex. And if that does offend you, then we need to talk. 

Study after study shows that happy couples have regular sex that is truly enjoyable for both of them.

This is another one of the most common complaints we hear in our couples retreats and it’s not just men complaining about women, it’s women complaining about their husbands, and we hear the same complaint from our same sex couples. If you’re not having sex like you used to, just start initiating. Tonight! Or this afternoon – that’ll wake ‘em up! 

Doing little, thoughtful things for the other person can make such a difference. I absolutely love getting flowers and little gestures send me over the moon. I was recently gone for a week and Richard sent this to me. It came in this huge envelope and when it was delivered, I was like what the heck is this and then I opened it up and it’s a Big Hug. Is that the cutest thing? It just made my heart melt.

What is something you can do for your beloved? If one of you is the one who always does the same thing, like cooking or taking out the trash, surprise the other one by doing it for them occasionally. Is there something they’d love to do, but they’re not giving themselves permission because it’s expensive or time consuming? Invite them to do it and tell them, “Baby, you’re worth it.”  

A few months ago, we had a couple come to us and they were at the end of their rope. They were fighting all the time and they were ready to split up, especially the wife. They both worked really hard, they had two young children and the husband’s mother was very involved in their lives. They had all kinds of issues of “he does this” and “she does that,” which were very important to them, of course. But when we really sat and listened to them, all of those things were kind of inconsequential. And of course their sex…

When we dug deep with them, we got down to “What’s really going on?” We got down to the truth, which was neither of them felt like they were a priority in the other’s life. They both felt that the other’s jobs were more important; he felt like the kids meant more to her than he does and she felt like his mother meant more to him than she does, especially because there were many times he was taking the mother’s side. And underneath that was, “He doesn’t really love me” and “She doesn’t really love me.” 

And here’s the real kicker, because what we finally got to was that for both of them underneath that was, “I’m not loveable. My own wife/husband doesn’t love me, that must mean I’m not loveable.” They weren’t thinking this consciously of course, but when we dug deep, they both got it – that that was the culprit. 

They both grew up in homes where they were starved for love, both the husband and the wife. He kept trying to show up for his mother and doing things for his mother, because he wanted so desperately to have his mother’s love, not because she meant more to him than his wife.  

We had them do sessions individually to get at those core wounds, to dig them up and fill them back up with love. What was really amazing was that even though they both did separate breathwork sessions, each one of them had an experience of a vision of the two of them coming together in this incredible bliss, joy and love. 

In their final integration session, they said they have never been more in love and they totally know that the other person is the most important person in their life. They also told us they had more sex in the 5 days they were with us than they had in the 5 months before that. When you can get to the root of what’s really going on, like these two did, everything else just falls away and you can come back into the love that brought you together in the first place.

How about you? Would you like to come back into that love? If so, give us a call and do a couples retreat with us. Each retreat is completely private, not in groups and custom designed for exactly what the two of you need and want.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

To get more information, go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

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Copyright 2019. Sedona Soul Adventures.

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