Most of the stuff that you get from me in this newsletter is all about how great everything is, how wonderful life is, etc.
Two weeks ago, the newsletter was about our wedding anniversary and I went on and on about how much I love Richard, etc. And then last week we sent you that we were on the cover of Awakened Magazine talking about High-Vibe Relationships.
Well, on the morning of our wedding anniversary we woke up, started to cuddle (as we always do), and Richard suddenly told me he had decided that he was not going to go to an event we had planned on going to this past week. We tried to talk, but instead we got into a huge fight.
I mean a fight that lasted all day. We even cancelled our dinner reservations.
It was really awful. I felt terrible all day. I didn’t get any work done.
I kept trying to do the stuff that usually works for me (tapping, meditating, breathing, petting my dog, going for a walk, listening to music), but nothing was working.
I have a thing about celebrating special occasions (especially birthdays and anniversaries), because my family never celebrated me when I was growing up. I never had a birthday party the entire time I was growing up and I have a wound about it, so now, celebrating my birthday and anniversaries is really important to me.
I was really angry at Richard for messing up our anniversary. Even when a dozen roses arrived at the house late in the afternoon, it just made me more angry (he had ordered them the day before, long before the fight), because the day was already ruined.
I ate leftovers for dinner, by myself. Richard was in his office/man cave eating a cheese burrito.
There were times during that day when I was doing some major negative self talk, like, “Who do I think I am, giving other people advice on how to ‘do’ relationships, when I can’t even do it right myself all the time? What a phony.”
We even went to bed angry, which we tell everyone not to do.
It was a day of one bad choice after another.
At 2 in the morning, for some reason, we both woke up. Richard reached for my hand and told me he was sorry. We started to snuggle when suddenly two minutes later we heard what sounded like two huge trucks right outside our window on the street and lights flashing.
We jumped out of bed, ran to the window and saw two ambulances next door at our neighbors.
I’ve lived in this house for 23 years and I absolutely love my neighbors. We are very close friends and Richard has loved and enjoyed them during the eight years we’ve been married.
We threw on our clothes and went out into the rain. Richard got there first and when I got there I saw them carrying our neighbor out and then put him in the ambulance. I found his wife and she said he had a heart attack and they were taking him to the hospital.
For the next fifteen minutes, they were working on him in the ambulance, trying to get him stable. We decided Richard would drive her to Flagstaff, because they wouldn’t let her ride in the ambulance and she was in no shape to drive, especially on those twisty roads at night in the rain. I told her I would take care of their dog.
Of course, in the face of that, our upset with each other completely fell away. We quickly went back to the house to get Richard a warmer jacket and he suddenly took me into his arms and told me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for messing up our anniversary. We both agreed that we just can’t let stuff like that get in between us.
Life is so precious, it’s so precarious, we never know what is going to happen. What if it had been Richard that night who had the heart attack? Or me? What if? It immediately puts everything in perspective.
Luckily, our neighbor is doing okay. They did a procedure at the hospital and he just got home Wednesday. He has a recovery to get through, but he made it through this.
Just like we made it through our anniversary that was messed up.
Because that’s usually what’s going on in these situations. We aren’t thinking of the big picture (wanting to have a happy, satisfying relationship), we’re operating from our wounds.
Richard said something to me that he knew would upset me. I got angry, but my anger was really about my old wound from childhood. “It’s our anniversary, why is he picking a fight with me on our anniversary? Why isn’t he making this a special day for me?”
Looking back, I can see this was all my own wounding, but in the moment, it just really hurt.
The next day, we called one of our Practitioners and we each did a session with her. And then we came back together. Richard was feeling overwhelmed from all the stuff we have going on right now and I was triggering his wound and making him feel like I didn’t care about that and was “making” him go to this event he didn’t want to go to. Both of us just coming at each other from our wounds.
It reminds me again of this fabulous sculpture that was done at Burning Man in 2015. We’re all just wounded children trying to reach out to each other.
So I’m happy to say, this situation has brought us even closer together, which I didn’t think was possible.
This weekend we decided to go away and have a proper celebration of our anniversary. Our neighbor came home and he is doing well. We weren’t able to head the blow up off at the pass, but we were able to do some more deeper healing and come back into love with each other. So that’s actually a happy ending. That’s really what it’s about, isn’t it?
Like I said at the beginning of this, I usually am mainly talking about all the “good stuff,” but I wanted to be real with you guys. I’m not perfect all the time. And neither will you be.
But I’m happy that I practiced what I preach and immediately did a session with one of our Practitioners. That always works!
If you’re having troubles in your relationship, the root causes are your wounding. That’s always what is showing up. The problem is most people don’t understand that, they don’t even know what their wounding is.
That’s why our Couples Retreats are so powerful. When you understand the wounding you can come back into compassion for each other.
Would you like a renewed depth of intimacy and connection in your relationship? Connect with us.
Call us at (928) 204-5988 or request a call and one of our Soul Guides will call you.
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Wishing you a week filled with love and compassion!