Why the Spark Fades Around Year Two
(Article Based in Part on Chapter 2 of Our New Book!)
Almost every couple I've ever worked with describes the same thing.
At the beginning, it's electric. The zap, the tingle, the heart-pounding, can't-stop-thinking-about-them rush of it. And then, somewhere around the second anniversary, it changes. It doesn't vanish, exactly. It just goes quieter. More tepid. Less urgent.
The sizzle simmers.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher's research showed that the initial chemical high of romantic love tends to fade after about two years. And most people hear that and draw the obvious conclusion: passion is doomed. It burns bright, then it burns out. That's just what happens.
But that is not the full story. And the rest of it changes everything.
A discovery from 1931.
In 1931, two scientists named Ulf von Euler and John Gaddum identified a mysterious compound. They named it Substance P. At the time, nobody knew what it did.
Decades of research finally revealed its role. And here's the surprise: it isn't a feel-good chemical like dopamine or oxytocin at all. Substance P is a neuropeptide. It is one of the body's primary messengers of pain and distress.
And when Substance P surges, it disrupts the very same chemicals that fuel love. Dopamine's thrill dulls. Oxytocin's bonding weakens. The butterflies of norepinephrine flip over into anxiety. What once felt magnetic can start to feel flat, or even repelling.
Read that again, because it's the whole thing:
It is not time that turns passion cold. The culprit is unhealed pain, in both people.
This is where most couples get it wrong.
They feel the change and they assume something has gone wrong. They blame their partner. They quietly conclude the relationship is broken, or that they married the wrong person, or that this is simply what happens to everyone eventually.
What's actually happening is something else entirely.
In ancient times, metalsmiths would place raw ore into a crucible, a container built to withstand fire, and heat it until the impurities rose to the surface. Then they skimmed those impurities away, and what was left behind was gold in its purest form.
Without the fire, the gold and the impurities stayed locked in the rock together. It took the heat to separate them.
That's what a close relationship does to two people. The fire doesn't create the impurities. It only exposes them.
Which means your partner isn't creating your wounds. They're activating them.
And when the pain resolves, the chemistry comes back.
This is the part that gives me so much hope, after more than forty years of working with couples.
Attraction isn't fragile. Love isn't doomed to fade. When unresolved pain is running the show, passion is blocked. When that pain is finally released, the chemistry comes back into balance on its own.
We watch this happen at our retreats faster than most people imagine is possible. A couple arrives stuck in the same argument they've been having for years. She says he never listens. He defends himself, or shuts down. Then the old wounds underneath the complaint get cleared, and the pattern simply isn't there anymore. The charge is gone. The arguments dissolve before they even start.
So let me ask you honestly:
• Has something between you gone quieter than it used to be?
• What if that isn't the relationship dying, but old pain asking to be cleared?
That's exactly what we help couples uncover here, with a team of more than 50 Master Practitioners and a retreat that's custom-designed around exactly where the two of you are, In Sedona or At Home. We find the pain that's blocking the passion, and we release it.
Can you imagine wanting each other again, the way you did at the start?
Can you imagine finding out the spark was never actually gone, just buried?
There's no cost or obligation to talk it through with one of our Soul Guides. We're even open on Sunday, because we're here for you.
Tap here to learn more and schedule a consultation with one of our Soul Guides.
High-Vibe Relationship
For a while now, Richard and I have been quietly writing it all down. Everything we've learned about love, about why two good people can drift so far from each other, and about what it actually takes to come back. It's become a book. We're calling it High-Vibe Relationship.
(Helen Fisher, Substance P, and the crucible that turns two people into gold? That's in Chapter 2.)
Before it goes out into the world, we want to put it in the hands of the people who'll carry it the furthest.
We're calling them the Founding 100.
A small circle of heart-centered people who believe what we believe — that relationships can heal, that families can heal, that love can become conscious and connected again.
As one of the Founding 100, you'll get the e-book early, our "Raise Your Vibration" meditation and tools, private Zoom gatherings with Richard and me, and teachings we won't be releasing anywhere else.
No big following required. No special experience. Just heart, and a real belief in the message.
Want in? Email us at [email protected] and put "INTERESTED: Founding 100" in the subject and we'll send you everything.
- Debra & Richard
Soul Travel
Return to Egypt — Total Solar Eclipse Tour | August 2027
The next time you could do this, it will be the year 2114.
On August 2, 2027, a total solar eclipse will hold the sky dark over the ancient temples of Egypt for up to 6 minutes and 23 seconds. That's the longest total eclipse anyone standing on Earth will witness for the next 87 years. Most eclipses give you two or three minutes. The one that crossed America in 2024? Four and a half, at best. This one lasts more than SIX full minutes… directly above temples that were built, thousands of years ago, to honor the sun.
I've been writing all week about what happens when the shine wears off something. So here's the opposite of that. Those temples have been standing for thousands of years, and they have not lost one bit of their power. Some things don't fade. They just wait for you to be ready for them.
I've stood inside those temples before, and there's an energy in them I still can't quite put into words. Can you imagine what it would be to be standing in that, as the sky goes dark at midday? I already know it's a moment I'll carry for the rest of my life.
We're still putting the final pieces together. If you feel even a flicker of yes, let us know, and we'll send you everything the moment it's ready.
Solar Eclipse Over the Nile | August 2027
Soul Academy
The Healing is the Training
I want to tell you what our breathwork certification is not.
It is not a simple breathing exercise. It is not an academic study. It is not a disconnected online course where you sit and passively watch videos. And it is certainly not a crowded room where your own experience gets lost in a sea of faces.
Here's the philosophy at the heart of the whole thing, and it's something Gwen and I say to each other all the time:
The healing is the training.
You cannot hold a space you've never been in.
That's the part most programs miss entirely.
You can memorize every technique. You can learn the physiology, the timing, the music, the language. And you can still be completely unable to sit with someone while decades of grief moves through their body, because you have never once let it move through your own.
So we don't teach you about the work. We put you through it.
You spend six days breathing, releasing, and being held yourself. You clear your own emotional blockages. You meet your own old traumas and you watch them lift. And somewhere in that process, without anyone handing you a manual, you become someone who can hold that for another person.
Because you've been there. You know the terrain from the inside.
What that actually does to a person.
One of our recent participants, William, put it better than I could:
"I walked out of class every day thinking, OMG! What just happened? This experience has brought more depth to my life… It helped me to see past the uncertainty I had for my future."
Notice what he didn't say. He didn't say he learned a lot of good techniques. He said he could suddenly see past his own uncertainty.
That's what happens when the training and the healing are the same thing.
Become a Certified Breathwork Facilitator │ September 13–18
The training is led by our Master Practitioner Gwen Payne, who has guided thousands of people through breath journeys. It begins with 6 immersive days here in Sedona, September 13–18, followed by 9 live online workshops over 5 months. Imagine being in Sedona with Gwen, receiving one-on-one mentoring, just for you.
Many certification programs out there take up to two years. You can be fully certified in less than 5 months. And here's my favorite part: we have almost 9,000 Soul Adventures grads constantly asking us to help them find a breathwork practitioner near them. When you're certified, we tell the grads in your area about YOU.
We keep the circle small on purpose. Just 15 people, so Gwen can work with you personally.
Inner Journey Breathwork Certification Program
September 13-18 Retreat + Online Training
Did You Know?
Sedona Soul Adventures was named:
- “Best of Sedona” for Retreats for 2020–2026
- “Best Marriage Retreats in the US” 2015–2026
- One of the “11 Best Couples Retreats Around the World” by Bride's Magazine
- One of Global Radiance Review’s “20 Most Trustworthy Companies”
- “Ten Best Companies of the Year for 2025” by CEO Views
Because what we do gets results.
Whether you’re struggling in your relationship, feeling lost in life, overwhelmed with anxiety, grieving a loss, or simply longing to reconnect with yourself again… we are here for you.
There is no cost or obligation to speak with one of our Soul Guides.
We will listen deeply, understand what’s happening, and custom design the perfect retreat experience for exactly where you are.
Call us at (928) 204-5988 or request a call today.
That's all for this week!
Wishing you a week filled with the kind of love that deepens instead of fading!