How to Change a Difficult Family Member
We all seem to have difficult people in our lives. The ones you just can’t seem to get along with, the ones that no matter what you do, your interactions are unpleasant or worse.
If it’s a family member, you’re forced to be with them for holidays and other special occasions and every time that happens you can feel yourself gearing up in advance for what you know is going to be an unpleasant experience.
Not too long ago, a woman came to us for a Soul Adventure telling us that she simply couldn’t live with her husband anymore.
She said he was driving her crazy, didn’t appreciate anything she did, was constantly criticizing her and never doing anything to express his love for her or to do anything to help her. He had shut down and they weren’t communicating, and when they were communicating, she felt like he wasn’t truthful with her.
She wanted to do the retreat to recenter and gather her strength so that she could leave the marriage.
Instead, something else happened.
And a few weeks after she got home she reported, “It’s a miracle. It’s like he’s a completely different person. It’s almost unbelievable.”
What happened? What caused her husband to change?
It’s simple – she changed.
How did that happen? During her retreat, she was able to really get it that everything she was complaining about was something that she was doing to him. She was stunned. She realized she was driving him crazy, she didn’t appreciate anything he did, she was constantly criticizing him and never doing anything to express her love or to help him.
She realized that she had shut down also and neither of them were communicating with each other, and when they were communicating there were many times she wasn’t completely honest with him, because she wasn’t telling him how she was truly feeling.
Digging a little deeper, we discovered that she was mirroring her own parents’ relationship. Her mother didn’t appreciate her father, was constantly criticizing him, they never expressed their love for each other and there would be long stretches of time where she would give him “the silent treatment,” just like she was doing with her husband.
She had also had a difficult relationship with her mother who she felt never really loved her. She realized how much she was trying to get the love she never got from her mother from her husband. She was shocked to remember that her mother kept secrets from her father and engaged her in that conspiracy, and she was doing the same thing with one of her daughters, setting up this Us vs. Him dynamic.
In her sessions, all that got changed around. In her Core Belief Transformation, she was able to go into compassion for her mother, her husband and for herself. She was able to let go of the belief “I’m not lovable.” She was able to see that her husband truly does love her. She was able to see how her lack of self love was preventing her from giving and receiving love to and from her husband.
But it was her Clarity in Relationships session that really nailed it for her. She discovered how she was projecting all over her husband. When they reached the turn-around phase of the session, she was absolutely dumbfounded. She saw the truth that it wasn’t him, it was her – the results of her wounds, her pain and the negative beliefs she’d been holding.
And the best part is, it wasn’t us telling her all this, it was her coming to that understanding completely on her own. That’s one of the magical pieces of what we are able to do here.
In her Breath Journey, her mother (who had passed away many years ago), came to her in a vision. She came up to her, looked deeply into her eyes and hugged her. Nothing was said, but she felt this overwhelming love from her mother, unlike anything she had ever felt before. It completely filled up the empty hole that had always been there.
She told me later, “Feeling all this love from my mother, somehow made me start feeling all this love for myself and for my husband and for my children and really, for everyone!”
In her final Integration session (where we map out a plan for integrating all the awarenesses and implementing all the tools you’ve received), she made the commitment to herself that she was going to maintain all this.
Not only was she not going to leave the marriage, she realized how much she loved her husband and how much she wanted their family. She decided she wasn’t going to demand anything from her husband or try to get him to change, she was just going to go home and love him.
She went home and said to her husband, “I love you. I know I’ve criticized you and blamed you and I’m sorry for that. It stops now.” She set one boundary with him and said, “I’m going to be truthful in all my communication with you and I want you to be truthful with me.” He agreed.
She didn’t force him to engage. She didn’t force him to communicate with her, but suddenly, amazingly, that’s exactly what he started doing. He saw immediately how changed she was and started asking more questions about what had happened on the retreat and she answered him openly and honestly. They cried together.
She got it. She started living what the poster says:
He told us he started feeling all the love from her. He couldn’t believe all the changes and how peaceful and calm and happy she is.
And guess what? They next decided to come for a Couples Retreat. He’s the one who suggested it!
He wants what she’s having — peace and calm and lots of love. He wants the same kind of turn-around she had and they want to really learn how to communicate and to grow more deeply together.
I love this quote from Byron Katie – Everyone is a mirror image of you – your husband, your wife, your children, your mother, your father, your annoying relatives, that person at work. Everything you don’t like in other people is a mirror of something you don’t like in yourself.
But the good news is, it’s something that is trying to come up for healing — that’s why it keeps coming up!
And the really good news is – The only difficult family member you need to change is you!
It starts with a simple decision:
Decide to have your life and relationship be different.
Decide to heal these wounds that are holding you back and keeping you from the peace and joy we all yearn for.
Decide to have a turn-around.
Decide to come and do a Soul Adventure.
It will turn everything around.
Connect with us and speak with one of our Soul Guides. They’ll get you started on the turn-around.
Call us at (928) 204-5988 or request a call and one of our Soul Guides will call you. They’ll connect with you (or both of you if it’s a couple) and custom design a retreat that will take you from where you are to where you want to be.
Eileen says, “This experience has changed my life! and given me direction”
“Ok, this has taken so long coming back to you because I wanted to be able to say something helpful instead of ‘It was so great!!’ which it was, but to be more articulate…I was at a point in my life where after a few rough years, I simply needed some help, I sought it and found Sedona Soul Adventures.
This experience has changed my life, it centered me, allowed me to see the amazing life I already have and appreciate it, it has given me direction and an idea about how I want my future to be. I was extremely impressed and grateful for the customized sessions for my particular needs and the quality of the practitioners and SSA staff. Thank you Sedona Soul Adventures!”
~ Eileen G., Maine
Did you know Sedona Soul Adventures was named “Best of Sedona”
for Retreats for 2020, 2021 & 2022,
“Best Marriage Retreats in the US” 2015-2023 and
one of the “11 Best Couples Retreats Around the World”
by Bride’s Magazine in 2022? We were recently named one of Global Radiance Review’s “20 Most Trustworthy Companies of 2023”
It’s because what we do gets results – call us now, let us help. As I always say, if you knew what could happen, you’d be calling right now.
What area of your life do you need help with most right now…
Finding your life purpose?
Loss of a loved one?
Healing & pampering?
Or is it something else?
Because we’re here for you – and we’re even open on Sunday!
Remember, there’s no cost or obligation to speak with a Soul Guide and have them custom-design the perfect retreat just for you in Sedona or At Home.
Last chance to join our “Opening To Your Intuition” Class starts April 18 – Go here for all the info
Would you like to:
- Learn how to reliably connect with your Intuition?
- Receive the answers to questions through your Intuition?
- Have tools to continue to deepen your connection with your Intuition on an ongoing basis?
- Utilize your Intuition to enhance your personal and professional life?
If so, you should take our next Intuition Class…
Starting April 18, 2023
Each Tuesday for 10 Weeks
10am – 12pm PT / 1pm – 3pm ET
(all classes will be recorded)
Space is Limited, enroll now.
Enroll now, as space is limited. Get more information here.
I know you’re going to love it!
Wishing you a week filled with wonderful changes!