How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

I want to talk to you today about, How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams. Because I know from my own experience, that it’s possible.  
Everyone talks about unconditional love, but have you ever really given that, except possibly to a baby? It seems we can do it for a little while, but then those darn old conditions start coming in, don’t they?  
“If he would just (fill in the blank), then I would be happy”  
“If she would just let me (fill in the blank), then I would be happy.”  
After all these years of working with couples (20 years as a divorce attorney, 17 years with Sedona Soul Adventures), I’ve finally decided that what we all really want is for someone to GET us. To know everything there is to know about us (all the good stuff, all the “bad” stuff, all the weird stuff) but even after all that, they still love us and want to be with us. For me that is truly the definition of unconditional love.  
And the quickest way I’ve found to get there is this — If you want the relationship of your dreams, you need to take the other person off the hook.  
With all the couples retreats that we’ve done over the years, the theme that we see over and over again, is that each person isn’t loving the other person for who they truly are. They say they love them, but they simply want them to be completely different! They want us to “Fix” them – have them change so that they can love them.  
In every moment, we can either choose love or something else — upset, fear, jealousy, frustration. How do you want to live your life? I highly recommend living it from Love.  
The problem is, most people don’t know how to do that. When something happens, we don’t have the tools to communicate our hurt and our loss to our partners in a way that they can receive it, and we don’t know how to let go of the hurts of the past that still haunt us. Sometimes people are holding onto things that happened long ago in the past.  
When I was a divorce attorney, I had a case where the people were both 75 and they had been married for over 50 years. I wanted to have them go into marriage counseling and so did the other attorney and the judge. The marriage counselor spent two months with them seeing them every week and she finally contacted all of and said, “There’s nothing I can do. They are both still really, really angry over things that happened over 40 years ago and they just can’t get beyond it.” And it wasn’t huge things, like infidelity… one of the things was something about buying an expensive vacuum cleaner! I’m sorry, but it’s just not worth busting up a family over a fight about a vacuum cleaner.
Last year we had a couple who came here and their marriage was pretty much over. They had been together for over 20 years, they have 2 beautiful children in high school. They started out really loving each other, but over the years, they had grown completely apart with many different interests that seemed incompatible. The sizzle was completely gone and worse, their respect for each other had been eroded by things that had happened in the past, especially from some nasty fights that had taken place, where words were said that couldn’t be taken back.
They had actually separated and she had already contacted a divorce attorney. In a last ditch effort, he convinced her to come to Sedona to do a couples retreat. Their goals were different — he wanted to save the marriage, she wanted to make the divorce go more smoothly. They were both miserable and unhappy.  
In their first couples session, they both acknowledged how much they had loved each other over the 20 years they had been together. They also identified when things had started to go off the rails, which led to his feelings of inadequacy and her feelings of disrespect toward him.  
Then they both did separate Emotional Clearing sessions…
In her session, she realized how she was living out a pattern of her mother disrespecting her father. She came to a huge realization that her mother’s disrespect of her father had triggered feelings of inadequacy within her. This often happens when parents disrespect each other, because children have this innate knowing that their mother is part of them, their father is part of them. So when her mother disrespected her father, she began to (unconsciously) believe there was something wrong with her.
She had never dealt with these feelings of inadequacy. All of that was cleared out, and then her practitioner helped her clear out all the pain and grief she had accumulated over the last few years when the marriage was falling apart. She told me she felt like this huge weight had been lifted.  
In his emotional clearing session, he realized that her disrespect of him had triggered his own feelings of “not enough.” His practitioner dug deep and they discovered an event that had happened with his father. In a moment of frustration and thoughtlessness, his father said to his 6-year-old son, “You’re worthless.” This had cut deep into him, in a way he never understood until then. He had unconsciously held onto that pain all these years.
He experienced a similar release as his wife, with lots of crying, that he said felt so cleansing. He told me, “I was always taught that men aren’t supposed to cry, but I can’t believe how good that felt, to finally let go of all that.”  
Both of them were triggering each other’s unhealed feelings of inadequacy.
It’s the ultimate irony, isn’t it? That the person who is “supposed” to love us the most, is actually triggering these deep feelings of not-enoughness? But that’s the nature of relationships. Our deepest relationships trigger our unhealed parts and bring them up for healing. It’s the crucible – burning off the impurities to get to the gold of a healed heart.  
Most people don’t understand that this is really what’s happening in our relationships. It’s not so much what the other person is “doing” or “not doing” – the other person is triggering old wounds that are coming up for healing. Wounds that usually happened in childhood and don’t even have anything to do with our partner.
But the really amazing part for both of them came in their breath journeys, which they each did separately.  
The Breath Journey took her into the altered state very easily and suddenly she saw her mother (who had passed away many years ago). In that moment, her mother seemed to be the embodiment of love. Her mother communicated her deep love for her and also her deep love for her father. She had this huge realization that, “Everything is all about love,” there really isn’t anything else that matters. Suddenly, she felt her heart burst open with the deep love for her husband that had always been there, but had just been covered over with the slings and arrows of the past few years. She saw an image of she and her husband walking together in what appeared to be some sort of paradise, blissfully happy.  
In his breathwork session, he saw lots of images and colors, which intrigued him because he doesn’t think of himself as very visual, very creative or very spiritual, so this was a really new experience for him. And then suddenly his father was there with him. His father communicated his deep love that he had for his son. He also communicated that his son needed to become more of a man. Not a macho type of manliness, but the man who takes care of his woman and takes care of his family, and lets them know he is there for them. He realized he had abdicated this role and that his wife no longer felt cared for by him. He said it was the strangest thing, but that after the session, he actually felt “stronger.”  
After these amazing clearings, healings and realizations, they then came together for a Couples session. Both of them were so full of love for each other, they were almost bursting. Their marriage was completely restored. Along the way with their other sessions, they received tools for continuing to have all of this continue to go deeper and to maintain, especially through deep and honest communication.  
The best part was that after they went home, they continued to use the tools and their love just came through deeper and deeper. They came back again a few weeks ago to take their relationship to an even deeper level and they’ve never been so happy. They both said the most amazing thing was that some of the same things are still going on as before — their interests are somewhat divergent and there are issues with work. But for both of them, it just doesn’t matter. They’ve taken the other person off the hook. They both feel loved and respected by the other, and that’s the most critical piece for both of them. The smaller issues just don’t seem that important any longer.  
I love this so much. It’s so incredible what can happen when we finally release the wounds of the past and move into love. It changes everything.  
How is your relationship doing? Is it blissful and fabulous, or are you just going through the motions? Are you “going along to get along” or are you happily and deeply in love? Do you feel loved, respected and cherished?
Make the decision to come back into love.
The problems that you are facing may actually be the result of wounds from the past, rather than that person who you think is doing things to hurt you.  
Connect with us and let’s find out. Let’s find out what’s blocking you from having the relationship of your dreams. It may be something completely different from what you think it is. Whatever it is, we can help you both come back into love within yourselves and with each other.  
I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

And If you want an even more direct path to having the relationship of your dreams, click here to get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.
Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.
You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.