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Make Your Relationship a Priority or Suffer the Consequences

Those of you who have been following me for a long time know that I was a divorce attorney for 20 years in Omaha, Nebraska before I had a life-changing experience in Sedona that led me to start Sedona Soul Adventures. And since then, for the past 21 years, we’ve worked with thousands of couples, helping them to save their marriages and deepen their relationships.

One of the biggest things that I’ve seen in working with couples now for over 40 years is a problem that is so easy to solve it’s almost magical. And that’s making your relationship a priority.

Are you feeling like the spark has faded in your marriage? Trust me, you’re not alone. It happens to the best of us. Life gets busy with all the responsibilities of marriage, kids, and work, and before you know it, you and your partner are drifting apart. But don’t worry, because there’s a way to reignite that flame and save your relationship.

Remember those early days of falling in love when you couldn’t get enough of each other? Well, it’s time to bring back that connection.

One of the biggest complaints we hear from couples is the lack of quality time and communication. It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget to nurture your relationship.

So, here’s what you can do to address this issue. Choose a calm moment to talk to your partner about it. Skip the dreaded phrase, “We need to talk,” and instead ask sincerely, “I’ve been thinking about this lately… What is one thing I could do to let you know that you’re a priority in my life?“ 

Listen attentively without criticizing or judging. 

Once you’ve addressed this issue, express your desire to spend quality time together, just the two of you, having fun. Remember those activities you used to enjoy together? Suggest doing them again, but without demanding it. By making this suggestion, you’ll make your partner feel appreciated.

Now, let’s talk about intimacy. I know it can make some people blush or feel uncomfortable, but it’s essential to address it. Studies consistently show that happy couples have regular and mutually satisfying sex. So, if you’ve noticed a decline in your sexual connection, take the initiative to initiate it again. Surprise your partner tonight or even right now! – It’ll certainly grab their attention!

But it’s not just about grand gestures or sex. Small, thoughtful actions can make a significant difference too. Personally, I love receiving flowers, and those small gestures always melt my heart. A while ago, Richard surprised me with a Big Hug sent in a massive envelope while I was away for a week. It was the cutest thing and made me feel so loved and cherished.

So, think about what you can do for your beloved. If one person usually takes care of certain tasks, surprise them occasionally by taking over those responsibilities. Is there something they’ve always wanted to do but haven’t given themselves permission due to cost or time constraints? Invite them to do it and assure them that they are worth it. Let them know that their happiness and fulfillment matter to you.

A few months ago, we had a couple come to us and they were at the end of their rope. They were fighting all the time and they were ready to split up, especially the wife. They both worked really hard, they had two young children and the husband’s mother was very involved in their lives. They had all kinds of issues of “he does this” and “she does that,” which were very important to them, of course, but when we really sat and listened to them, all of those things were kind of inconsequential. And of course, their sex life was non-existent.

When we dug deep with them, we got down to “What’s really going on?”, we got down to the truth which was neither of them felt like they were a priority in the other’s life. “I’m not a priority in his/her life.” They both felt that the other’s jobs were more important, he felt like the kids meant more to her than he does and she felt like his mother meant more to him than she does, especially because there were many times he was taking the mother’s side. 

And underneath that was, “He doesn’t really love me” and “She doesn’t really love me,” and here’s the real kicker because what we finally got to was that for both of them underneath that was, “I’m not loveable. My own wife/husband doesn’t love me, that must mean I’m not loveable.” They weren’t thinking this consciously of course, but when we dug deep, they both got it, that that was the culprit.

They both grew up in homes where they were starved for love, both the husband and the wife, and he kept trying to show up for his mother and doing things for his mother because he wanted so desperately to have his mother’s love, not because she meant more to him than his wife. 

We had them do sessions individually to get at those core wounds, to dig them up and fill them back up with love. What was really amazing was that even though they both did separate breathwork sessions, each one of them had an experience of a vision of the two of them coming together in this incredible bliss and joy and love. 

In their final Integration session, they said they have never been more in love and they totally know that the other person is the most important person in their life. They also told us they had more sex in the 5 days they were with us than they had in the 5 months before that. 

When you can get to the root of what’s really going on, like these two did, everything else just falls away and you can come back into the love that brought you together in the first place.

How about you? Would you like to come back into that love? If so, give us call and do a couples retreat with us. Each retreat is completely private, not in groups, and custom designed for exactly what the two of you need and want.