How to Discover Patterns that are Hurting You
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Today, I’m going to talk to you about How To Discover Patterns That Are Hurting Your Life.Back in 2016, I wrote a book that became an International #1 Best Seller called The Journey To Happy. I’m going to be talking to you in a number of videos about the ideas and processes that I talk about in my book.
Have you ever looked at your life and thought, “Why did I do that?”
Or have you looked back over your life and noticed that you seem to do the same things over and over again, making some bad choices over and over again?
I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years and one of the things that happened during that time is that I had some clients that I did 3 divorces for! And the amazing thing was, what I noticed is that they were marrying the same person over and over again, they just had a different name. And what I also discovered is that if their father was an alcoholic, they would end up marrying alcoholics, or if their mother was withholding and couldn’t express love, they would marry someone who was – you guessed it – withholding and couldn’t express love. I now see this all the time with people who come here to Sedona Soul Adventures to do our retreats.
It doesn’t make any sense when we think about it rationally, but when you think about it from an emotional and spiritual standpoint, it makes perfect sense. With a childhood like that, you take on the belief that you’re not loveable and your soul is looking to heal that wound so it finds someone to bring that up for healing. You keep finding people that bring up that old wound of making you feel like you’re not loveable. It’s a vicious cycle if you don’t do something about it.
So the key for this, is to discover the patterns that you took on as a child that are still affecting you.
This process is quick and it is so enlightening. When I first did it, I couldn’t believe it. Here’s what you do:
Look at the top 6 areas of your life and look at how these same things were for your parents:
- Life
- Spirituality
- Work
- Money
- Relationships
- Body
Here were my answers when I first did this…
Life
My Parents: Life is hard
Me: Life is hard
Spirituality
My Parents: Believed in God
Me: Believe in a Higher Power
Work
My Parents: You have to work really hard and do things you don’t like to make money and support yourself.
Me: I was working really hard and doing things I didn’t like (practicing law) to make money and support myself.
Money
My Parents: Made a lot of money. Spent a lot of There was never enough. My mother would sit at the dining room table and write out checks to pay bills and say, “There’s not enough!”
Me: Made a lot of money. Spent a lot of money. Never enough. Amazingly, I would also sit at the dining room table and write out checks to pay bills and say, “There’s not enough!”
Relationships
My Parents: Marriage is hard. Parents are distant, Father is working nights and completely unavailable.
Me: I was already divorced by this time. I kept finding unavailable men. My first boyfriend was away at college. My first husband was in law school and studying all the time. My second husband was from Holland and we had a long distance relationship until we got married. After that marriage ended, I had a relationship with an American who lived in Tokyo.
Body
My Parents: My mother was constantly dieting, and as my father aged, he became morbidly obese. He would go on diets and lose 30-40 pounds and then would go off the diet and gain it all back and more.
Me: I was put on my first diet when I was 12, even though I wasn’t fat. I would continually go on diets and lose 20 pounds, and then I would go off the diet and gain it all back and more.
Although I thought I was completely different from my parents, I was completely like them in terms of how everything in my life was manifesting. When I realized that I was even sitting at the dining room table writing out checks to pay bills and saying, “There’s not enough,” I was totally, completely stunned. These patterns are set in ways that we don’t even realize until we start to consciously look at them.
Take ten minutes to think about how your parents, teachers, or others (who really influenced you as a child) interacted with the world. For most people, it will be your parents. How did they “do” money? How did they “do” food? How did they “do” relationships?
Remember, this is not about blame; this is about raising your conscious awareness. As I’ve said, we are creating our reality in every moment. I know I created these parents and I created these patterns. This is not my parents’ fault. I chose (unconsciously) to take on their thoughts and perceptions. This was one of the most valuable processes I ever did in my life, so I invite you to do it now.
Of course, now that you have gained this awareness, there are steps that you can take immediately. For me, one of the first things I did was to stop writing checks at the dining room table! I also broke up with the guy in Tokyo.
For most of us though, just having the awareness of these patterns isn’t enough to change them. It’s certainly a start and I really want you to do this exercise so that you know this much, and there are simple things that you can start to do to change some of these things around. But usually, the patterns are much deeper and most of us need help in dealing with them and turning them around.
If you would like some help with that, please contact us at Sedona Soul Adventures. This is what we’re the best at – uncovering the patterns and then giving you the tools to turn it around.
