How to Turn your Partner into the Love of Your Life

Do you ever look at your husband, wife or partner and have a thought along the lines of, “What was I thinking?” or “If he/she says another word, I’m going to run screaming out of the house!”?

Last week I spoke with you about “How to bring in the love of your life,” but what happens if you’re already in a relationship or marriage and you’re not feeling it like you used to?

Well, help is on the way – watch my video.

Sometimes your relationship really needs a shot in the arm (or better yet, the heart). Call us and one of our Retreat Guides will speak with each of you separately, really getting at what’s going on, what are the issues and what do both of you want? Then they’ll put together the perfect retreat that’s right for the two of you.

Because each retreat is completely customized and because the sessions are all completely private (not in groups), you’ll get exactly what you need. It will bring you back into the Love and Connection you’re craving.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.
They’ll connect with you (or both of you if it’s a couples retreat) in deep conversation. Then they’ll custom design the perfect retreat for you, working with our Master Practitioners here in beautiful, mystical Sedona to.

Lori and Michio say, “Before our Soul Adventure, we WERE going to Divorce, after Sedona Soul Adventures, we are closer than we have ever been, we are forever changed” (and that’s 90 days after their retreat!)

I love it so much that Lori waited 3 MONTHS(!) to write that, because she wanted to see if the experience would last. I’m so happy to say, that’s exactly what happens with a Sedona Soul Adventure! It works and it lasts!

In the last video, I talk with you about “How to bring in the love of your life.” But what about all of you out there who are already with someone, and you’ve been together for awhile… and he isn’t exactly Prince Charming anymore…or she’s not exactly getting you all excited like she used to?

In other words, even if the bloom is off the rose, can you turn them back into the love of your life?

The answer is Yes! and it’s actually pretty simple…not necessarily easy, but it is simple.

It comes down to two things and after I tell you about the two things, I’m going to tell you about two processes you can use to implement the two things.

Here are the two things – and I promise they work. Most of you know that I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years and I’ve now done couples work at Sedona Soul Adventures for 17 years – I know what I’m talking about.

If your relationship is not making you deliriously happy, see what happens when you…  

  1. Stop focusing on what you don’t like
  2. Start being what you want

From my other videos, I’ve spoken so much about Quantum Physics and how things can be changed. I’ve talked about the ideas of Einstein and other Quantum Physicists, that…

Everything is energy

What we focus on, we get more of

We are all creating our reality in every moment

What we think about and talk about expands

1. Stop focusing on what you don’t like

So look at this in relationship to how you’re dealing with your husband, wife or partner. If you’ve decided there’s something “wrong” with them, don’t you find yourself just constantly noticing every little thing about that. If you’re telling yourself (and your friends and your mother) that your husband is a slob, do you see how every single time he even leaves a sock out that it makes you crazy? And then you berate him and he feels like he can never do anything right?

And if you feel like your wife doesn’t love and appreciate you, do you notice how often you notice that she doesn’t love and appreciate you? You’ll find it, sometimes even when it’s not there.

If you want your relationship to turn around, you have to do something to make it turn around… maybe even something to turn it on its head.  

Which brings us to the second thing:

2. Start being what you want

If you want your husband to be more romantic, you be more romantic. Bring him roses – that will get his attention.

If you want your wife to be more understanding, you be more understanding. Ask her about her day. Ask her how she’s doing, how she’s feeling. Ask and then just sit and listen. One of my practitioner friends says “For women, the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world is listening.”

Gandhi said “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

I’m not sure he meant it with regard to relationships, but I’m pretty sure he would agree. It starts with you.

I promised you two processes that will really help with this and they help because they actually start to move the energy. The first is the first process in my book: Change Your Story, Change Your Life.

For 30 days, make a decision that you are going to tell yourself a different story about your husband, wife or partner. If the old thoughts come up, just stop them and think about something else. Don’t say anything negative about your partner to anyone else, including yourself.

In addition to changing your story, during that same 30 days, keep a gratitude journal.

Every morning, take three minutes (that’s all!) and write five things that you are truly grateful for about the person. It must be things that are true for you. So, if it’s something about your mate it could be:

  • I love his/her beautiful blue eyes.
  • I love that he/she likes dogs.
  • I love that he/she is good at his job.
  • I love that he has things that he enjoys, like baseball.
  • I love that he/she loves our children.

After you have written down the “High 5,” take just a moment to close your eyes, take a deep breath and truly FEEL the gratitude for this person or situation. The more you can infuse Emotion into the process, the faster things will start to move. If you find you can’t muster the feeling, it’s okay – just breathe and let it go. As you move more and more into the process, it will start to come. Don’t force it.

Don’t tell the other person (or anyone else for that matter) that you are doing this. The magic lies in what you will start to see happening in just a short time — as little as three days!

If you do all of this for 30 days:

  1. Stop focusing on what you don’t like
  2. Start being what you want

and do the two processes:

  1. Change Your Story, Change Your Life
  2. Gratitude Journal

I think you will be absolutely amazed at how your partner has suddenly changed.

I have so many stories of how this has worked, both in people doing a Sedona Soul Adventure and in my coaching. I think my favorite is one of my coaching clients who was ready to leave because her husband would not help her with the children or any part of the housework. They both had very demanding jobs and she had begged, cajoled, yelled, screamed and threatened to leave, and nothing was having any effect on him. She would go on these tirades to him and to me about how selfish he was, that he was a male chauvinist pig, etc., etc. It took me a while to convince her to just stop with all of the arguing and yelling, but finally I got her to try it because she had tried everything else.

She changed her story and started telling her friends about how hard her husband worked at his job. She wrote in her Gratitude Journal the things she liked about him, and she kept having to repeat things because by this time she was down to just a few things that she liked about him. But suddenly, she started remembering more and more things that she liked about him and even loved about him, because he was a good man and he certainly loved their children. She suddenly started feeling all this love for him. And just as suddenly, within three weeks, he started doing the dishes. She hadn’t told him about the Gratitude Journal and she didn’t say anything when he started doing the dishes, except to say “thank you.” And then he started doing laundry. And then he started making meals. She just about fell over when one evening she came home late and he had already fed the kids and had drawn a hot bath for her.

She stopped criticizing and started saying “thank you” and “I love you,” and everything in their relationship changed. She told me last year, she’s never loved him more than she does now and he feels exactly the same way. He went from feeling criticized to feeling love, and we all react much more positively to love, I can guarantee you that.

And I can hear some of you out there saying, “But why should I be the one that has to do everything? I already have to do everything!” and I’m sorry to say, that’s exactly what’s gotten you into this loop that happens with relationships once they start to go wrong. Try this for 30 days, what have you got to lose? And let me know what happens.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

And If you want an even more direct path to having the relationship of your dreams, click here to get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

I was lucky enough back then to connect with Jorge Luis Delgado, our shaman and guide. Jorge is a master and as everyone in all my groups always say, they can’t imagine doing Peru without Jorge, that it quite simply wouldn’t be the same. That’s a photo of my fabulous 2008 group.

On my first trip in 2008, I met his wife and son, who at the time was 14, a gangly teenager, and he spoke great English. He and I started talking and sat next to each other on our bus ride from Lake Titicaca to Juliaca.

We started talking about American politics, as the 2008 election was in full swing, and Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton were slugging it out in the primaries. He asked me if I thought it was possible that Obama might be nominated and possibly win, and we had a very spirited and enjoyable conversation.

Jorge told me later, “It’s so strange, I’m not sure how this happened, he’s so interested in American politics and all kinds of things from other countries.”

Over the years, I’ve always asked Jorge how his son was doing and the news just kept getting more and more interesting. He did very well in school, went to University, then ended up living and working in Japan, spent some time in China, and learned to speak Japanese and Chinese fluently. Now this year, he decided to return to Peru and he’s working with Jorge!

He was working with a Chinese group and he came to the airport in Cusco when we were about to depart for Lake Titicaca, and we got to spend some time talking. What a joy to see and feel what an incredible young man he has become.

I asked him why he had returned to Peru and he told me, “I want to really learn all the spiritual teachings.” Isn’t that fantastic? This gangly little kid I met 11 years ago, has become a worldly, accomplished man interested in all aspects of the world, including spirituality. He said he plans to stay here for about two years and then he’ll be off to some other place in the world.

It’s reminiscent of my godson, Anthony, who I also got to see on this trip and what a joy that was. Back in 2008 when we went to Amantani for the first time (a very rustic, beautiful island in Lake Titicaca where at the time they had no electricity and no running water), we did a very special ceremony and we spent the night in the home of his family.

Anthony was 6 months old at the time, a tiny, adorable baby.

I spent a large amount of that evening holding him and at times I was crying gently and processing. His parents, Juana and Joaquin, don’t speak English, but in some way we really connected.

It turns out that two days later they were doing a ceremony with Anthony that is somewhat similar to what we know as baptism.

They asked Jorge to ask me if I would like to be a godmother for Anthony because they felt I had such a strong connection to him. They said they didn’t want any obligation from me, just the spiritual connection. I was honored and the ceremony was very beautiful.

After that, I would see Anthony every year and I’ve also happily contributed to the family and Anthony’s education. This photo is from 2014, when I brought him some blowing bubbles. At that time, Anthony was six and he told me he wanted to become a doctor. He also said he was learning traditional Peruvian dance and he enjoyed that very much.

Starting in 2015, Anthony started going to boarding school on the mainland so that he could receive a really good education, so he was never at home when we would spend the night at Juana and Joaquin’s home on Amantani. But this year, what a surprise. They brought him, along with his sister, to Chiquito where we had a reunion.

He showed me his school Certificate of Excellence and his parents told me what a good student he is. One of the members of our group interpreted (thank you, Rhonda!), and he told me again that he wants to be a doctor and how much he still enjoys dancing. But now he also really enjoys football (soccer).

To think that this boy from a small island, where they have almost no electricity or running water and when you take a walk you continually run into people who are herding sheep and donkeys, is going to become a doctor…this reminded me of Jorge’s son. Anthony’s energy is so sweet and pure, yet he is also a determined little boy and I can’t wait to see how this unfolds.

Another really fun thing we do every year is to go to Seminario Ceramics in Ollantaytambo. Pablo Seminario is one of the premier ceramic artists in the world, his works are displayed in various museums around the world, including the Field Museum in Chicago.

When I brought my first group in 2008, when we were returning from Machu Picchu by train after a very long day, Jorge asked me, “Would you like to go to the ceramics place?” Not having any idea of what an incredible place this was, I said no because everyone was tired.

One of the members of the group, Jennifer Watt, overheard us and said, “What are we talking about?” and I said, “That we’re not going to the ceramics place.” She said to me in her usual very direct way, “Who made that decision?” and I responded that I did. I then said if she wanted to go, we’d go and I am so glad I did. His work is so incredible and over the years, I’ve brought many of his pieces to my home and each year he speaks to our group and we have a wonderful interaction with him and his wife Marilu.

After that trip, Jen and I became great friends and in 2010, I asked her to lead my Peru trip two years in a row (I had Egypt in March, Peru in April and Bali in June, and it was becoming too much to handle), she loved Peru and she had experience leading groups. She did a fantastic job and from that, got a job leading trips to Peru, especially for high school and college students and teachers.

She has now been to Peru 54 times! And one of the things she has incorporated into the tours is an intensive piece of learning about traditional ceramics through Seminario! She, Pablo and Marilu have become great friends.

So when we were there last week, we took a photo of all of us to text to Jen saying, “Wish you were here.” Jen had just been in Sedona the week before visiting us at our home and we showed Pablo this photo of Jen and our friend Ranjita (who had been on the Peru trip with me in 2008 and again last year).

I told Pablo this is the view from our home, and he and Marilu should come and visit us in Sedona. He said, “If Jen will bring me, I will come to Sedona!”

So it’s so incredible to me, all these connections that started with this first trip and have woven their way through my life, and all these other lives, through the years. Not to mention the other close friends I have made through these trips, people who came on the trips, people I love who are a huge part of my life.

Because at the end of the day, all of this is not so much about the sites (although they are absolutely incredible), it’s about the amazing people we share them with and keep connecting with.

This year again, our group has bonded in such a beautiful, special way. One of the women said to me yesterday, “I can’t believe how I love everyone in this group and feel so close to them. Doing this with other like-minded people has just been so wonderful.

Debra Stangl

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