What To Do When Your Marriage Is In Trouble
Most people know that 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, but did you know that 67% of second marriages and a whopping 73% of third marriages end in divorce in this country?
I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years and now I’ve spent over 16 years helping couples through Sedona Soul Adventures, and over and over again, I see the same things.
If your marriage or relationship is having problems, or even if you’re just not feeling it like you used to (which is the beginning of really having some problems), then watch my video.
I hope it helps.
I hope this helped, and If you got value from this video, please like and share the video, and subscribe to our channel.
Let’s face it. Marriage or being in a long term committed relationship is hard. Even if you start out really in love and really committed, the day to day-ness of life can take the sizzle out of any relationship.
And if you have a situation or a crisis, for example, if you have infidelity happening, then you’ve got a real problem on your hands.
The question is, what to do? Well for many people, say 50% of the population, they throw in the towel and get a divorce.
But what most people don’t know, is that the divorce rate for 2nd and 3rd marriages is even higher. 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.
And why is that? Because people aren’t learning from the mistakes from their first marriage or their second marriage.
I was a divorce attorney for 20 years in Omaha, Nebraska, and I can tell you that divorce is not the answer. Divorce almost always ends up harming people emotionally and financially, not to mention what it does psychologically to the children involved.
So what do you do when your marriage is in trouble? The simple answer is, you’ve got to do SOMETHING.
You have to start talking to each other, you have to start communicating with each other, you have to reach out and do SOMETHING to start moving things around. And the sooner you catch it, the better your chances are.
But here’s what you’ve got to do if you don’t want to become one of the statistics. You’ve got to get underneath and figure out what the real problems are. What’s causing all this? What’s triggering you?
And after 20 years as a divorce attorney and over 16 years of doing couples work with Sedona Soul Adventures, I can tell you that what you’re fighting about is never what you’re really fighting about. What’s really happening is that the unhealed and damaged little boy is trying to get love from the unhealed and damaged little girl and when you’ve got 2 damaged and unhealed little children, it’s pretty difficult to have a conscious, loving relationship.
Have you seen this sculpture that was done by at Burning Man a few years ago? I love this image because it perfectly illustrates exactly what I’m talking about. Almost all of our struggles, but especially within intimate relationships, is just a cry for love. The wounded little boy and the wounded little girl are just trying to get love. But because we’re coming from a place of wounding, it can be really hard to get the love we want in the way we want it. Then we divorce the one who’s not giving it to us, we find another one hoping to get it, but because we’re still wounded, we don’t know how to have a healthy, conscious, loving relationship, so then we divorce that one and become one of the 67%.
It keeps on happening over and over because we’re not getting at the root cause that’s creating all the trouble – the wounded little boy or the wounded little girl.
You have to get underneath the issues and figure that out – that’s what brings people back together.
In the 20 years that I was a divorce attorney, I sent all my clients to therapy and it never did anything for any of them, not in one situation. Because it was just talking – not really getting to the deep underpinnings of the problems.
We had a couple here last year who were breaking up over the wife’s infidelity. He was able to forgive her, but he felt like she didn’t really love him. When we dug deeper, we discovered that she had grown up in a home where she was never able to please her father, no matter what she did. She had then married a man who was also hyper-critical and who never demonstrated his love for her. Just like her father, her husband felt that providing a nice home demonstrated his love.
Likewise, he grew up in a home where his mother never expressed love for him. She was demanding and always making him feel like he wasn’t “good enough” if he wasn’t getting perfect grades or being a star athlete.
So both of these people grew up in homes where they didn’t feel loved and they both married people who didn’t express love, and so they both felt “I’m not loved.” The wife even realized that the man she had the affair with and was thinking about leaving her husband for was the same way – hyper-critical and undemonstrative.
In their retreat, we took them each through individual sessions that cleared out those blocks and filled in those holes. Because that’s what happens when you have a childhood like that – it’s as if you have a hole that can’t be filled. But those holes can be filled and that’s what happened with both of them. Once those holes were filled, they suddenly saw each other in a new light. He understood why she had sought love somewhere else. She saw that he truly did love her, but he had blocks that made it hard from him to demonstrate that. With the blocks gone, she saw how much he loved her and he saw how much she loved him. That’s what can happen when we heal those unhealed parts.
So when your marriage is in trouble, you need to look underneath what you’re at odds about and figure out what’s causing the real trouble. Where are your unhealed parts showing up?
That’s pretty hard to do by yourself. Most of us can’t see our own stuff, even when it’s right in front of our face. But that’s what you need to do.
I hope this helped, and If you got value from this video, please like and share the video, and subscribe to our channel.
If you need some serious help – then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats.
If you’d like to talk to someone about doing a Couples retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at 928/204-5988.
You can have the life or relationship you want. I know it.
