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How to Feel Full (without calories)

Happy Easter! The day of resurrection, renewal and rebirth.

Today I want to talk to you about how to feel full – and I’m not talking about after your large Easter dinner (although if you did have a large Easter dinner, I hope it was yummy).

For me, this all started when I was so unhappy and I used to constantly say to myself, “If I died tomorrow, I’d be really pissed off.”

Listen to how that all changed around for me.

I’m talking about peace, happiness, serenity and that full and completely satisfied feeling that is possible when you’re living your life in connection.

Watch the video:

If you’re not feeling completely happy, full, content and satisfied in your life or your relationship, please give us a call. It’s all about moving out the energetic blocks and gunk, and moving you back into connection on all the levels — physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

When you’re living your life in connection, everything falls into place — you know your life purpose and you start living it, your relationships (with yourself and everyone else) support and nurture you, and everything seems to flow. If you want some of that, give us a call:

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Today I want to talk to you about Feeling Full.

Twenty years ago I was a very unhappy and dissatisfied person. I was a divorce attorney in Omaha, Nebraska and I was 40 pounds overweight. I had 2 prevailing thoughts: I hated my work and I hated my body. I felt stuck. I was 47 years old. My mother had become ill with cancer at the age of 47 and eventually died at the age of 51. My mother had also been unhappy and dissatisfied, and she felt stuck. She finally came un-stuck by leaving the planet.  

I remember thinking all the time, “If I died tomorrow, I would be really pissed off.” I remember thinking that if died tomorrow, I would have never experienced a true feeling of happiness or joy, full, deep satisfaction.

It was also interesting how that showed up with my body. Because I was constantly dieting, I felt hungry all the time. But even when I would eat, I would most often eat way past the point of feeling full. I don’t think I had experienced the feeling of feeling full or completely satisfied. At least, not enough to really know what it felt like.

And then it all changed. I came to Sedona for the first time in 1999, had a life-changing experience, left my law practice and started coming out to Sedona to do my own personal healing work. I did that for 3 years. About 2 years into that, I had the most incredible experience of sitting in my kitchen in Omaha, looking at the huge trees swaying in the wind, and this intense feeling came over me and I suddenly had the thought, “If I died tomorrow, it would be okay.”

Through all the healing work that I had done, I had suddenly and without any warning, come into a place of deep contentment. There wasn’t anything that had happened — I hadn’t seen God, I hadn’t just won the lottery and I had no idea what I was going to be doing with my life or my work, nothing at all had happened. This feeling of peace and serenity just sort of took over me.  

A few weeks ago, I had another one of those moments. I was on a plane and I suddenly had a crazy thought about the plane crashing. And I was suddenly overcome with this rush of joy and love, and this thought, “You know, it wouldn’t be my first choice, I love my life so much, but I wouldn’t be pissed off like I would have been 20 years ago. I’m so happy, I’m so full, that if I went tomorrow it would be okay.” I was so overwhelmed by it, that I started crying these tears of joy, and then my husband got concerned because he thought something was wrong. But it wasn’t wrong, it was beautiful.

The same thing happened with my body. After so many years of crazy dieting, manic exercising, buying exercise equipment and pills, working with trainers, etc., etc., etc., I had an experience that came out of the blue where I suddenly started loving my body. This had come as the result of doing lots of work and sessions, but when it came, it came very suddenly and without warning. I was shown that my body was perfect exactly the way it was. That I could be happy without being thin. This sense of joy, peace and serenity just overwhelmed me and I stopped all the crazy dieting and exercise. I just stopped.

And then here’s the kicker. The minute I did that, with no effort, the weight just started melting off, without diet or exercise. I lost 40 pounds… it just melted away. I’ve maintained that weight loss and my latest medical checkup was the best it’s ever been.

When I eat now, I instantly know when I’m full. I’m full and complete, and I just stop eating. Sometimes the plate has been licked clean and sometimes there’s still food left. I don’t over-eat something just because it tastes good, I eat to that delicious point where I feel full, complete and satisfied.

Similarly, when I stopped pushing against my law practice and healed those unhealed parts of myself, all of these incredible and amazing circumstances came together and I started Sedona Soul Adventures, which has become the most satisfying, fulfilling and delicious experience of my life.

It is so incredibly amazing what happens when we finally allow this feeling of fullness, of deep satisfaction, to finally come into our lives. Because it’s a choice. The Universe is sending us everything and we are either allowing it in or not. Before, I wasn’t allowing in these feelings of being full. I thought I had to be thin to be happy. I thought I had to have the perfect job show up before I could be fulfilled.

When I stopped railing against everything and took responsibility for my own healing, everything fell into place. Everything came into joy.  

My prayer for you is that you could experience that kind of joy in your life. And you can. It’s just gunk and blocks that are holding you back, and we can find those, eliminate them and bring you back into connection with that highest part of yourself.

When you come back into connection, you experience that sense of fullness, deep satisfaction and serenity, that we’re all craving… and that we can all have.

We had a woman here a while back and she came to us saying she felt completely shut down and she had no energy, no zest for life. She had been to a bunch of medical doctors and they couldn’t find anything wrong with her.

In her very first session, her practitioner discovered that her root chakra was completely shut down, with no energy at all. The practitioner gently asked her if she had ever had any thoughts about not wanting to live and she burst into tears saying she did have those thoughts sometimes, she said she would never do anything about it because she would never leave her young children, but that she often thought, “What’s the use? What’s the point?”  

Then her practitioner discovered that her heart chakra was completely shut down. No wonder she didn’t have any energy. She had no energy from her basic life force and wasn’t feeling love or receiving love. No life force and no love – we aren’t meant to go through life that way!

Her practitioner had to spend some extra time clearing through the gunk that was there – she said it felt like sludge –  and had to do with past life times and things with her parents… but it all got cleared so that by the end of the session, all of her chakras were wide open and moving.  

In her breath journey the next day, she told me she saw all this white light coming in through all of her chakras and she felt herself completely filled with what she called, “the light of God.” She said it was the most extraordinary experience of her life.

She called me a few weeks later to tell me that since she’d been home, she had so much energy that she was running rings around everyone!

Her husband has decided to come out for a retreat. When he called he said, “I’ll what she’s having,” just like in the movie “When Harry Met Sally.”

We get that a lot when people go home… their friends and loved ones see the changes and want the same thing.

My prayer for you is that you can experience this same sense of fullness and contentment. It’s waiting for you.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

And If you want an even more direct path to having the relationship of your dreams, click here to get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it!

Triggered by Money Issues? Watch this!

Lots and lots of people that I come into contact with – be they rich or poor – have issues with money. It’s seems to be a trigger for so many people. 

When I finally learned how to Flip the Switch around money, everything changed. Watch my video and listen to my story about the day that $50,000 fell out of the sky.
Most people don’t understand that like everything else, money is all about energy. If you’re blocked in your life in any way, you’re more than likely blocked around money as well. If you’d like to get unblocked, give us a call — we can help.
Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Money is a huge issue for almost everyone and this is really another area where you can have the most dramatic and almost unbelievable impact on your life, if you can start to figure out how to flip the switch.
If you haven’t watched my other videos, when I’m talking about flipping the switch, what I mean is getting yourself into the space where you feel good, feel happy and what you want comes easily to you. Let’s recap what I talk about in my book:
One of the truths that Einstein discovered (and that Quantum Physics continues to prove) is that Everything is Energy. Even this desk, which feels so stable and strong, is – at its core – just a bunch of particles racing around.
If everything is energy, (and now we know it is) that means that everything is much more elastic, much more malleable, and much more possible to change than we think it is.
Putting our attention on something, in any way, changes it.  
Through the years, quantum physics has proven, that we are energy.
So, if everything is energy and if putting our attention on something in any way changes it, that means we are all creating our reality in every moment.
What we focus on expands.  
We get more of whatever it is that we think about and talk about.
That is great news! If you are creating your reality, that means that you can change the parts that you don’t like – the parts that aren’t making you happy.
The final piece has to do with energy and vibration. Think of it this way:
The things that you want – happiness, peace, joy, great relationships, money – all reside in the Higher vibrational energies. Joy, peace and happiness are all much higher vibrations than depression, fear and blame. When you are a vibrational match to what you want, it comes to you. That’s what many people refer to as Law of Attraction.
So the way to get everything you want is to get in the higher vibrations, stay there, and allow it all to come to you.  
In other words…

The question is how do you get happy and stay happy?
The simple answer is: Don’t think about what you don’t want and don’t talk about what you don’t want.  
I’ve talked a lot about this in my other videos and now I’m going to talk to you about it with regard to MONEY.
When I was afraid about money, it could never come to me… or if it came, something else came along after to take it away.
It’s simple physics – you have to be in the same high vibration as the money. If you’re fearful, frustrated and upset about it, it literally cannot come to you.
Which makes it pretty difficult, right, because when you’re in debt or your money situation isn’t the way you want it to be, if you’re like I was, you’re thinking about it all the time… obsessing about it all the time… worrying about it all the time…
Which makes it impossible for it to come to you. It sometimes feels really unfair, like some big set up by the Universe, out to get you. I actually felt that way sometimes.
But the Universe is not out to get you. The Universe wants you to go with the flow.
When you can do that, magical things happen.
Let me tell you the story of what happened to me… the day that $50,000 dropped out of the sky…
When I first came to Sedona over 20 years ago, my entire life was a mess. I had just started my 20th year of law practice and I hated it, I was in an unhappy marriage, I weighed 40 pounds more than I do now, and I was $50,000 in debt due to some very bad business decisions.  
I worried constantly about money. It was always on my mind. I would wake up in the morning and start worrying about it and I would go to bed worried about it. By this time I had owed this $50,000 for over 5 years and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get it to go away. I would take on more cases, I was working 60-70 hours a week and I was constantly worried.
Do you see how the money couldn’t come to me because I was constantly fearful and frustrated and upset?
During those five years, I spent a lot of time praying and meditating, saying, “God, I’m so unhappy! Please tell me what to do!” Almost every time I did that I would hear a voice say, “You need to leave your law practice.” I would immediately respond, “I can’t do that! I’ve got a mortgage and two car payments! I’m the sole supporter, and I’m $50,000 in debt! I CAN’T leave my law practice!”  
So the last thing in the world I should have been spending money on at this point in my life was a spiritual retreat. But I put it on my credit card and I came to Sedona.
I came to Sedona and did one session with Ranjita – and many of you who have done a Sedona Soul Adventures retreat know how amazing she is – and in that session, my higher self appeared to me and told me I had to leave my law practice or I was going to die.
Well this time I heard the message. I went home and after two weeks of trying to figure out how I was possibly going to leave my law practice when I was $50,000 in debt, there was a day where something just happened. I was meditating and praying, and I just felt all the worry and concern just lift off me. I remember saying, “Ok God, I’m going to do this. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but I’m going to do it, and I need some help.”
Within about 8 hours, a former client called to ask me some questions and at the end of the call, told me he had just bought a new business refinancing mortgages. I asked him if he thought he could get my mortgage payment reduced. He took my address and called me back in 10 minutes and said, “I can get your mortgage payment cut in half and I can get you $50,000 in cash.” Now I had never told him I was $50,000 in debt. He certainly didn’t know about my going into that high vibrational state where I just released the worry and concern. But suddenly, within a few hours, the worry and concern that had haunted me for 5 years was gone.
And ever since then, whenever I feel worried about money, I just stop.
Because I know these principles:
Whatever I’m afraid of, is coming faster.
Whatever I’m excited about, is coming faster.
If I’m afraid of not having enough money, I do everything I can to take myself out of that feeling, because I KNOW my fear is keeping the money away. In my other videos, I’ve given you lots of things you can do to bring yourself out of those energies, such as Tapping, Deep Breathing, Change Your Story, Change Your Life…
I never talk to people about not having enough money, I only talk about abundance.
The trick is getting there and staying there. But the key is in these three simple steps:  

  1. Get happy
  2. Stay happy

And in order to get happy and stay happy:

  1. Don’t think about what you don’t want and don’t talk about what you don’t want  

It all comes down to stop worrying about money.
Again, I know that’s much easier said than done, because I was someone who worried about it for years and years, but I’ll tell you, when you can stop worrying and instead, start getting excited about what’s on the way, money will start to flow to you.
So do this:
When you start to worry – Stop. And instead, think about how great it will be to have your money woes behind you, think about how fantastic it will feel to have your credit cards all paid, visualize your bank statement having a balance that is really large.
Feel the feeling of what it feels like to have money in savings. Feel what it feels like to have all that worry off your shoulders. Start appreciating what you have now and really feel that.
This is so deceptively simple.
It’s simple, I know it’s not easy because I’ve been there through those sleepless nights, but I will tell you, when you Flip the Switch – and you can tell when that’s happening – miracles can actually happen.
I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

And If you want an even more direct path to having the relationship of your dreams, click here to get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.
Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.
You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

How will you score on the Relationship Checklist prepared by a Divorce Attorney?

Those of you who have been with me for a number of years know that I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years in Omaha, Nebraska. And now for the past 17 years, I’ve been doing work with couples helping them stay together. Funny, isn’t it?

Based on my over 37 years of working with couples, I’ve put together a Relationship Checklist for you. These are what I see as the most insidious things that cause the biggest problems (and issues that lead to problems) in a relationship. Some of them might not be the usual things that you think of…

Take a look at yourself, and at yourself within your relationship, as you go through the checklist.

Even if you don’t like all your answers to the Checklist, don’t despair, there is hope!

We see it all the time. Come to Sedona and do a Couples Retreat. One of our Angel Guides will speak with each of you separately, really getting at what’s going on, what the issues  are and what both of you want. Then they’ll put together the perfect retreat that’s right for the two of you. Because each retreat is completely custom designed and because the sessions are all completely private (not in groups), you’ll get exactly what you need. It will bring you back into the love and connection you’re craving.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

Many of you know that I was a divorce attorney for 20 years in Omaha, Nebraska. Then I came to Sedona in 1999, closed my law practice 6 months later and started Sedona Soul Adventures in 2002. Since then, our Couples Retreats have saved so many marriages (and spiced up so many more!). Isn’t it funny how that instant karma has worked out? I spent 20 years divorcing people, now I’ve spent 17 years helping them stay together!  

After so many years of working with couples who were either divorcing, on the verge of divorce, or just trying to be more connected (and everything in between), I’ve seen the same things over and over again, and they aren’t necessarily the things that books and magazines talk about.  

So I’ve put together a Relationship Checklist for you. These are what I see as the most insidious things that cause the biggest problems (and issues that lead to problems) in a relationship. Some of them might not be the usual things that you think of. Take a look at yourself, and at yourself within your relationship, as you go through the checklist…

Do you respect each other?  

Do you respect your partner and does he or she respect you? There’s a big difference between feeling a crazy kind of love for someone and deeply respecting them. I’ve seen so many couples who have a passionate love for each other, but when it comes right down to it, they don’t respect each other. Do you respect your partner? Do you feel respected by your partner? If you don’t, the relationship is on its way to being over.  

If you have a healthy respect for each other, you give each other the benefit of the doubt even when things get tough. You’re quicker to forgive those little transgressions, knowing that you basically hold your partner in high esteem.  

Do you like each other?  

This may seem almost the same as respect, but it isn’t. You can like someone and not respect them because you don’t think they’re a good person. You can also respect someone because they hold high values, but you don’t like them.  

Do you actually like your partner? Do you think they’re a good person? Do you enjoy hanging out with them?

Last year I spoke with a man who told me he was completely, totally surprised when his wife told him she wanted a divorce, he couldn’t believe it. Later, I found out they weren’t going on vacations together for the last 5 years of the marriage because it was too unpleasant. If you can’t even go on vacation together and have a good time, something is wrong!

If you don’t like your partner, you’ve got a problem. If the thought of being with them when you’re 80 years old makes you wince, that’s telling you something is not right.  

If you genuinely like your partner and like spending time with them, you have a much greater chance that you are going to make it through the long haul and through difficult times, and spend the rest of your lives together.  

Do you fight fair?  

The way that you disagree with each other says so much about your relationship. Some psychologists believe they can predict the success or failure of a relationship simply by watching a couple have an argument about something.  

When you disagree, do you stick to the subject you are disagreeing about, or do you bring up stuff that has nothing to do with what you’re arguing about? Do you find yourself using phrases like “you always do this…” or “you never do this”? Fighting about something other than the current issue is not fighting fair and leads to huge build up of resentment. Resentment is poison to a relationship.  

You can disagree and have an argument, and still come from the basic love that you have for each other. Being respectful while you disagree, really listening and trying to understand the other person’s perspective, while sticking to the subject at hand can actually bring you closer together as a couple.

Can you really talk to each other?  

Does your partner “get” you? Can you talk to them about pretty much anything and have it be okay? Do they know all the little weirdnesses about you and love you all the same? Or do you hide things from them? Do you tell them how you truly feel?

I spoke with a man a year ago who told me his 30 year marriage had come down to “I go along to get along.” He wanted to do a Couples Retreat, but his wife didn’t want to. I spoke with him again a few weeks ago and things are worse (things like this never get better unless they are dealt with).

When your partner feels like they have to hide how they’re feeling and can’t be honest with you, they start to shut down emotionally. That’s when the love starts to stop.  

When you know you are safe with your partner, that they will love you no matter what, love continues to grow and thrive.  

Are financial issues a problem?  

Financial issues show up in a number of ways — from there not being enough money, to one person being a spender and one person being a saver, to disagreements about how money should be spent. In this modern age, we also see a lot of situations where there is an imbalance, especially when the woman makes more than the man.  

Money issues are a hot button for many people, and usually have a deep connection back to childhood. Money issues bring up all the different things we’ve already talked about — not communicating, not fighting fair, not liking the other person because they’re a miser (or a spendthrift), not respecting the other person because they’re not responsible with money, etc., etc. Money is usually just the tip of the iceberg of deeper problems below the surface.  

When money isn’t an issue in your marriage, you’re free to bring in all kinds of abundance in your lives… not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually as well. It indicates that everything is flowing as it should be.  

Do you have each other’s back?  

I attended a couples workshop in Sedona almost 20 years ago and during a very emotional part of the workshop, one of the men said to his wife, “I’ve got your back.” Later, we broke up into our male and female groups and as we women gathered, a number of us remarked at how much that had touched us. About half of us said (through tears) that we had never felt that way in our relationship.  

It can be a tough world out there and knowing that there’s at least one person who has your back is an incredible and amazing gift. And I will tell you after all these years of working with couples, it’s something that I don’t see very often. There isn’t that deep level of trust, of knowing that your partner will be there for you no matter what.  

This trust, this knowing, seems to me to be the Secret Sauce of healthy relationships — really knowing that your partner will be with you through thick and thin. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death does you part. It’s like a rare, exotic flower that must be cultivated and cared for.  

And it’s funny, because the woman who did the Couples workshop 20 years ago, my dear friend Ranjita, is also a minister, and she and my dear friend Yana officiated at our wedding a little over a year ago. Unbeknownst to us, she added a portion to our ceremony where she literally had us stand back to back and pledge that we have each other’s backs. It was very sweet and very powerful.

My prayer for you is that all of your answers to the above questions were the “right” answers. That you have fabulous communication, you can be completely honest with each other, and there are no hidden agendas or resentments.

If that’s NOT the case, I would urge you to do something about it – and do it now. My experience is that these things only get worse over time. Once the milk starts to curdle, there’s no turning back. It just smells worse and worse until you finally have to throw it out. And throwing it out is such a painful thing to do, when it’s your relationship that’s being thrown out.  

We had a couple here awhile ago and he told me at the end of their Couples Retreat, that he thought it was hopeless and that he had already planned on filing for divorce when they returned home from Sedona. He had even hired the attorney, because he thought there was no way the marriage could be fixed.

At the beginning of the retreat, he was telling all of us that all of the problems were with his wife and he wanted us to “fix her.” Even though we discussed with him 4 separate times before they got here that it’s usually not about one person, it’s usually about both people, he kept telling us, “No, just wait until you get us together, it’s all her.”

After we did some clearing sessions with both of them separately, he suddenly burst into tears in his private session and said “Oh my God, it’s all me! I’m the one judging her and and wanting her to be someone else, even though I actually love her. It’s just like my mother used to do to me, I’m disapproving and judgmental.”  

They came back into a love for each other that they hadn’t felt for years and they even did a re-commitment ceremony out in the beautiful Red Rocks of Sedona.

The marriage was completely resurrected and they came back 6 months later to spice it up even more. When you’ve got the love, the trust and the spice, you’ve got it all!  

And even if all your answers feel like the “wrong” answers, they’re actually not! This is not saying that your relationship is over. This is valuable information that is showing you where you need to put your attention. You just need to do it while you can still salvage the relationship, that’s the key.

There is hope! We see it all the time. Come to Sedona and do a Couples Retreat. One of our Angel Guides will speak with each of you separately, really getting at what’s going on, what are the issues and what do both of you want? Then they’ll put together the perfect retreat that’s right for the two of you. Because each retreat is completely customized and because the sessions are all completely private (not in groups), you’ll get exactly what you need. It will bring you back into the Love and Connection you’re craving.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

And If you want an even more direct path to having the relationship of your dreams, click here to get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.

Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.

You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

In my new video, I talk about how it’s pretty much impossible to have unconditional love all the time and how the things you think are causing the problems in your relationship, probably aren’t what’s really causing the problems. Watch here:
How’s your relationship doing? Does your beloved “get” you?
If not, are you having the same arguments over and over? That means you have to do something and you need to do it now.
There’s nothing more awful than a relationship that’s not working and there’s nothing more wonderful and blissful than when you finally have the relationship of your dreams — and I know that’s possible!
If you’re relationship is not all that you want and need, give us a call. We’ll speak with both of you and tap into where the problems are and what you can do to turn it all around. We’ll custom design a retreat for exactly what the two of you need and desire, to bring you back into the love, connection and bliss that you’re craving.
Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

I want to talk to you today about, How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams. Because I know from my own experience, that it’s possible.  
Everyone talks about unconditional love, but have you ever really given that, except possibly to a baby? It seems we can do it for a little while, but then those darn old conditions start coming in, don’t they?  
“If he would just (fill in the blank), then I would be happy”  
“If she would just let me (fill in the blank), then I would be happy.”  
After all these years of working with couples (20 years as a divorce attorney, 17 years with Sedona Soul Adventures), I’ve finally decided that what we all really want is for someone to GET us. To know everything there is to know about us (all the good stuff, all the “bad” stuff, all the weird stuff) but even after all that, they still love us and want to be with us. For me that is truly the definition of unconditional love.  
And the quickest way I’ve found to get there is this — If you want the relationship of your dreams, you need to take the other person off the hook.  
With all the couples retreats that we’ve done over the years, the theme that we see over and over again, is that each person isn’t loving the other person for who they truly are. They say they love them, but they simply want them to be completely different! They want us to “Fix” them – have them change so that they can love them.  
In every moment, we can either choose love or something else — upset, fear, jealousy, frustration. How do you want to live your life? I highly recommend living it from Love.  
The problem is, most people don’t know how to do that. When something happens, we don’t have the tools to communicate our hurt and our loss to our partners in a way that they can receive it, and we don’t know how to let go of the hurts of the past that still haunt us. Sometimes people are holding onto things that happened long ago in the past.  
When I was a divorce attorney, I had a case where the people were both 75 and they had been married for over 50 years. I wanted to have them go into marriage counseling and so did the other attorney and the judge. The marriage counselor spent two months with them seeing them every week and she finally contacted all of and said, “There’s nothing I can do. They are both still really, really angry over things that happened over 40 years ago and they just can’t get beyond it.” And it wasn’t huge things, like infidelity… one of the things was something about buying an expensive vacuum cleaner! I’m sorry, but it’s just not worth busting up a family over a fight about a vacuum cleaner.
Last year we had a couple who came here and their marriage was pretty much over. They had been together for over 20 years, they have 2 beautiful children in high school. They started out really loving each other, but over the years, they had grown completely apart with many different interests that seemed incompatible. The sizzle was completely gone and worse, their respect for each other had been eroded by things that had happened in the past, especially from some nasty fights that had taken place, where words were said that couldn’t be taken back.
They had actually separated and she had already contacted a divorce attorney. In a last ditch effort, he convinced her to come to Sedona to do a couples retreat. Their goals were different — he wanted to save the marriage, she wanted to make the divorce go more smoothly. They were both miserable and unhappy.  
In their first couples session, they both acknowledged how much they had loved each other over the 20 years they had been together. They also identified when things had started to go off the rails, which led to his feelings of inadequacy and her feelings of disrespect toward him.  
Then they both did separate Emotional Clearing sessions…
In her session, she realized how she was living out a pattern of her mother disrespecting her father. She came to a huge realization that her mother’s disrespect of her father had triggered feelings of inadequacy within her. This often happens when parents disrespect each other, because children have this innate knowing that their mother is part of them, their father is part of them. So when her mother disrespected her father, she began to (unconsciously) believe there was something wrong with her.
She had never dealt with these feelings of inadequacy. All of that was cleared out, and then her practitioner helped her clear out all the pain and grief she had accumulated over the last few years when the marriage was falling apart. She told me she felt like this huge weight had been lifted.  
In his emotional clearing session, he realized that her disrespect of him had triggered his own feelings of “not enough.” His practitioner dug deep and they discovered an event that had happened with his father. In a moment of frustration and thoughtlessness, his father said to his 6-year-old son, “You’re worthless.” This had cut deep into him, in a way he never understood until then. He had unconsciously held onto that pain all these years.
He experienced a similar release as his wife, with lots of crying, that he said felt so cleansing. He told me, “I was always taught that men aren’t supposed to cry, but I can’t believe how good that felt, to finally let go of all that.”  
Both of them were triggering each other’s unhealed feelings of inadequacy.
It’s the ultimate irony, isn’t it? That the person who is “supposed” to love us the most, is actually triggering these deep feelings of not-enoughness? But that’s the nature of relationships. Our deepest relationships trigger our unhealed parts and bring them up for healing. It’s the crucible – burning off the impurities to get to the gold of a healed heart.  
Most people don’t understand that this is really what’s happening in our relationships. It’s not so much what the other person is “doing” or “not doing” – the other person is triggering old wounds that are coming up for healing. Wounds that usually happened in childhood and don’t even have anything to do with our partner.
But the really amazing part for both of them came in their breath journeys, which they each did separately.  
The Breath Journey took her into the altered state very easily and suddenly she saw her mother (who had passed away many years ago). In that moment, her mother seemed to be the embodiment of love. Her mother communicated her deep love for her and also her deep love for her father. She had this huge realization that, “Everything is all about love,” there really isn’t anything else that matters. Suddenly, she felt her heart burst open with the deep love for her husband that had always been there, but had just been covered over with the slings and arrows of the past few years. She saw an image of she and her husband walking together in what appeared to be some sort of paradise, blissfully happy.  
In his breathwork session, he saw lots of images and colors, which intrigued him because he doesn’t think of himself as very visual, very creative or very spiritual, so this was a really new experience for him. And then suddenly his father was there with him. His father communicated his deep love that he had for his son. He also communicated that his son needed to become more of a man. Not a macho type of manliness, but the man who takes care of his woman and takes care of his family, and lets them know he is there for them. He realized he had abdicated this role and that his wife no longer felt cared for by him. He said it was the strangest thing, but that after the session, he actually felt “stronger.”  
After these amazing clearings, healings and realizations, they then came together for a Couples session. Both of them were so full of love for each other, they were almost bursting. Their marriage was completely restored. Along the way with their other sessions, they received tools for continuing to have all of this continue to go deeper and to maintain, especially through deep and honest communication.  
The best part was that after they went home, they continued to use the tools and their love just came through deeper and deeper. They came back again a few weeks ago to take their relationship to an even deeper level and they’ve never been so happy. They both said the most amazing thing was that some of the same things are still going on as before — their interests are somewhat divergent and there are issues with work. But for both of them, it just doesn’t matter. They’ve taken the other person off the hook. They both feel loved and respected by the other, and that’s the most critical piece for both of them. The smaller issues just don’t seem that important any longer.  
I love this so much. It’s so incredible what can happen when we finally release the wounds of the past and move into love. It changes everything.  
How is your relationship doing? Is it blissful and fabulous, or are you just going through the motions? Are you “going along to get along” or are you happily and deeply in love? Do you feel loved, respected and cherished?
Make the decision to come back into love.
The problems that you are facing may actually be the result of wounds from the past, rather than that person who you think is doing things to hurt you.  
Connect with us and let’s find out. Let’s find out what’s blocking you from having the relationship of your dreams. It may be something completely different from what you think it is. Whatever it is, we can help you both come back into love within yourselves and with each other.  
I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it, subscribe to our channel.

And If you want an even more direct path to having the relationship of your dreams, click here to get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.
Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.
You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

What is the Sedona Effect and How Can it Change Your Life?

Many people know about the vortex energy in Sedona, but I’ve discovered that there’s something even more here, what I call, “The Sedona Effect.”
Watch my video about the Sedona effect, what it is, how it changed my life and how since 2002, we’ve helped thousands of individuals and couples use it to transform their lives and relationships. It’s real and it’s incredible.
The Sedona Effect can take you from where you are to where you want to be. If you’d like that, give us a call. We’ll custom design a retreat that will do just that.
Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.
They’ll connect with you (or both of you, for a couples retreat) in deep conversation. Then they’ll custom design the perfect retreat for you, working with our Master Practitioners here in beautiful, mystical Sedona to take you from where you are to where you want – the Sedona Effect in action!

Today I want to tell you about “The Sedona Effect,” what it is, how it changed my life and how since 2002 I’ve helped thousands of individuals and couples use it to transform their lives and relationships.
What I call the Sedona Effect consists of three things – three different types of energy that combine in a special way to make Transformation and Permanent Change possible.
The 3 different parts of The Sedona Effect are:

  1.   The Vortex energy of Sedona
  2.   Master healers are drawn to Sedona to do their work
  3.   Intense desire (energy) for transformation

Let me explain…
1. The Vortex Energy of Sedona
The first type of energy that goes into The Sedona Effect is the incredible vortex energy of Sedona. I spoke in more depth about “What is a Vortex” in the last video, but let’s recap some of that here. Sedona is known around the world as a Mecca of New Age spirituality. The Native Americans believe (and I certainly believe it to be true) that Sedona is a Power Spot on the planet and that the energy of Sedona can be used for Transformation.
The other element of the Sedona energy is that in this special place, Everything is amplified, meaning energy is amplified, love is amplified, connection is amplified, disconnection is amplified. Whatever you bring to Sedona is magnified and amplified. Thoughts, feelings, vibrations, whether positive or negative, will be more greatly enhanced and intensified on all levels – Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual.
The energy of Sedona brings your emotional and spiritual bodies into alignment with the planet’s heartbeat.
It pulls up and spins out whatever thoughts and feelings have been stagnating in you.
It unleashes Psychic Awareness, Emotional Release, and Spiritual Connection.
All of which amplifies the results of the healing sessions you experience when you are here in this energy.
2. Master Healers Are Drawn to Sedona to Do Their Work
The second part of the Sedona Effect is that because Sedona is such a powerful energy spot, amazing healers have been drawn here from all over the world to do their work. Over the past 17 years I have had practitioners working with me from South Africa, Germany, England, Holland, Ireland, Canada and of course, from all over the United States.
In speaking to any of them, you will always hear an incredible story of how they were called to Sedona. My favorite stories are ones about people who were from a completely different background – an airplane pilot, an accountant, a medical doctor, a high fashion model, or in my case, an attorney. Suddenly, something happened where the awareness came that life had to be changed and the change was made.
But most important, these are people who know how to connect with this energy and to utilize it for transformation.
3. Intense Desire (Energy) for Transformation
The third aspect of the Sedona Effect is the intense desire of people who come here for deep transformation. It is a palpable, powerful force of energy. Even if you are in turmoil, or especially if you are in turmoil, this is an energy that is huge and real. You know how it feels when you know you’ve GOT to do something, even though you might not know what it is. That’s what that energy feels like.
I had a really wonderful conversation a while back with someone who had just finished her Sedona Soul Adventure retreat. She told me she was absolutely amazed at what had happened in just 3 days. She said that before she came to Sedona she felt lost, plagued by constant fearful thoughts, not knowing her life purpose, and feeling this terrible feeling that she was running out of time to live her best life. After her adventure, her life was completely transformed — the fear was gone, she discovered her life purpose and knows she has the tools to live it fully and completely. All in 3 days – it’s almost unbelievable.
And the best part is, the changes are real and they last. Shortly after that, I got an email from someone who did a soul adventure 10 years ago and she was telling me how everything changed for her and the changes continue to this day. I love that so much.
The Sedona Effect can take you from where you are to where you want to be. Individuals come to us burned out, stressed out, at the end of their rope… and they leave happy, connected, knowing their life purpose and ready to live it.
We’ve had couples come who are on the brink of divorce and had their marriage completely turn around; we’ve had people who thought the love was gone, find the spark again; and we’ve had so many couples really take their love to the next level. 
The energies of Sedona are unique – not available anywhere else on the planet.
I hope you enjoyed this and if you did, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it and subscribe to our channel.

And If you want an even more direct path to getting happy and staying happy, click here to get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.
Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.
You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

What is a Vortex and Why Should You Care?

Most people know that Sedona is known for its vortex energy and after living here for 20 years, I can tell you – it’s real! It’s a tangible force.

There are so many questions around what exactly is a vortex and the biggest one is, why should you care?

The simple answer: Transformation

Watch the video…

Sedona is one of the most beautiful places on the planet (a few years ago, USA Today named Sedona “The most beautiful place to visit in the US”). But beyond its beauty, Sedona is known throughout the world for its vortex energy.
What is a Vortex?
A vortex is believed to be a special spot on the planet where higher dimensional energies are concentrated to such an extent that it can be felt by humans. These energies enhance the flow of energy (life force) in our own bodies – what the Chinese call “chi,” or the Hindus call “prana.”
Vortexes (or vortices if you want to be absolutely proper about it, but here in Sedona we all pretty much say “vortexes”) are found at sacred sites throughout the world – the Great Pyramid in Egypt, Machu Picchu in Peru, Bali, Stonehenge, etc. Many people believe that the vortex energies and the energy that flows through our subtle bodies is basically the same – that it is an Electro-magnetic energy.
In my experience, when you delve into definitions and explanations of what a vortex is, it seems to depend on who you’re talking to or what book you’re reading. If you speak with some scientists, they will tell you that this is electro-magnetic energy that can be measured, but that it is behaving in ways that are unusual and can’t be explained. If you speak with the indigenous peoples, e.g., the Native Americans here in Sedona or the Aborigines in Australia (because Ayers Rock (Uluru) is another one), they will tell you that these are places around the Earth where you can literally feel the energy of the Earth if you will take the time to do it.
Here is my own personal belief – after living in Sedona since the turn of the century and having traveled many times to Egypt, Bali and Peru, and experiencing those energies – I believe these are places around the world where the God energy (or the energy of the Universe or of All That Is, or whatever you want to call it) literally comes onto the planet and is brought onto the planet. That’s why these places are so incredible.
The Native Americans believe that the energy of Sedona is energy that can be used for Transformation. And I believe that’s why such amazing transformations can happen here in such a short period of time.
In addition, I believe the veils to other dimensions are thinner in Sedona. Our connection to All That Is is amplified and enhanced here. Bashar, the internationally recognized spiritual teacher, says this about Sedona:
“Sedona is a powerful, transformational vortex unparalleled in its own way, unique in its own way, that allows for communication and connection to multiple dimensions of reality on your world.”
Why should you care about the Vortex Energy?
Because if you’re looking for Transformation, Sedona is the place to get it. The energy is stronger here, it is the energy of transformation, the veils to other dimensions are thinner (so it’s easier to access other dimensions here) and whatever you bring here is Magnified and intensified. This is one of the reasons why people have such huge transformations here in such a short period of time.
The energies of Sedona are unique – not available anywhere else on the planet.
I hope you enjoyed this and if you did, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it and subscribe to our channel.

And If you want an even more direct path to getting happy and staying happy, click here to get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.
Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988.
You can have the life  AND the relationship you want – I know it.

I Know Who I Am, Now What Do I Do?

I hope you watched my last video on the Enneagram to find out who you are and how you’re wired. If you didn’t, please click here to take the free Enneagram test, because I think you’ll be blown away!
And in this video, I talk about what to do with this information. Okay, you’re a Two, now what does that mean? If you’re giving and giving, and aren’t taking care of yourself, what can you do about it?
This information has been some of the most important of my life for understanding myself and others, and for having compassion for myself and others.
Watch the video to see how this information can change your life.

This is the second video on the Enneagram and in this one I’m going to talk to you about how to become the best you can be, meaning if you’re a Six, how can you be the best Six you can be?
I hope you watched my last video on the Enneagram and I hope you’ve taken the test to find out which Number or Style you are, because if you haven’t, this video isn’t going to make a lot of sense. So if you haven’t taken the test, stop now and take it here. It will take about 10 minutes.
Okay, so now that you know your number, or what I prefer to call Style, what do you do with that?
I’m an 8, we’re the fighters. The lie I’m wired to tell myself is “Life is hard, I have to do everything on my own. There’s no one to help. I have to fight for everything I have.”
Could that be any more depressing or any more rooted in the energy of Everything Is Wrong?
Eights are the fighters. They’re the ones that automatically get angry. They also always think they’re right. Now they’re also into justice and into fighting the good fight, but we are mainly just wired to fight.
My ex-husband, who I was married to for 20 years, is a 9. The peacemaker… peace at any price. So can you imagine, here’s me, an 8, fighting about everything, married to a 9, whose whole thing is peace at any price. It was sort of crazy-making because what always seemed to happen, is that all of our fights were never about the issue at hand, they were always about how it wasn’t okay for me to be angry. Nines don’t like anger.
The problem was, I actually bought into the idea that something was wrong with my anger. At this time in my life, I had decided I wanted to be a “spiritual person.” Somehow I had bought into the idea that being a “spiritual person” meant being sweet and compliant, and never getting angry. That I should be trying to act like a Goddess all of the time and speaking in a breathy voice, saying things like, “That’s so beautiful.” I never did any of that because I knew it would be completely phonybut I aspired to it.
I didn’t want to get angry.
I didn’t want to lose my temper.
Ironically, this was at the same time that I was becoming well-known as a divorce attorney. People would call me on the phone and say, “I hear you’re a real bitch. I want you to be my lawyer.” They actually meant it as a total compliment.
So hear I am on the phone, thinking “something is really off.”
When I finally found out about the Enneagram and realized that I am wired for this, I felt a kind of liberation. I realized that there was nothing wrong with my anger. That it was an important part of my life force. It had enabled me to survive a rough childhood, to build inner strength, and to take care of myself. I began to view my anger as an asset, not a weakness or something to be ashamed of.
Now with this knowledge, I also started working on ways to modulate my anger so that I wasn’t spewing it out all over everyone all of the time, but I also stopped trying to shove it down. I stopped being ashamed of it, and I stopped hating myself when I got angry.
And guess what happened? As soon as I stopped thinking there was something wrong with my anger, I stopped getting angry with everyone.
If we had been more consciously aware, the 8 and 9 combination could have been really great for both of us. Nines need to learn how to set boundaries and eights need to learn how to soften up their boundaries and just stop fighting.
The good news is that 6 years after my divorce, I met a 7 and we were married last year. He is so much fun, because he’s a 7. He also doesn’t ever want to be told what to do and there’s other stuff, because there’s always stuff going on in a relationship, but knowing all of this, we both step back all the time and go, “wait a minute – oh, that’s just your 8 stuff or that’s just your 7 stuff” and it makes such a huge difference in how we interact with each other and treat each other.
So how about you? What can help you best move into healing? Let’s go through each style
And remember, there are no good and bad styles.
The biggest thing is to focus on the parts you like. No one is completely healed or unhealed, we’re all a composite.
Style 1 – The Perfectionist

  • Stop demanding that everything must be perfect.
  • Relax more.
  • Feel more compassion for people.
  • Stop using the word “should.”
  • As I used to say to one of my coaching clients who is a One, “Finished is better than perfect.”
  • Appreciate that you are one of those people who wants things done in the best way possible.

Style 2 – The Helper

  • Stop doing the things that you don’t want to do.
  • Take care of yourself.
  • Appreciate that you are full of love and genuinely want to help other people.
  • Stop doing the things that you don’t want to do. If you truly want to do something for someone, do it without any expectation that they will return the favor. If that’s okay with you, then proceed.
  • Take care of yourself. Do things that really feel like splurges and take care of yourself (get massages and manicures, buy yourself flowers, take time out alone).
  • Appreciate that you are full of love and genuinely want to help other people.

Style 3 – The Achiever

  • Decide what do I truly want?
  • Don’t be so concerned about what other people think of you.
  • Stop buying things that you think will impress other people.
  • Stop working to the point of exhaustion.
  • Allow yourself to feel vulnerable.
  • Appreciate that you are hardworking and dependable.

Style 4 – The Romantic Adventurer

  • When you start thinking that you are better than everyone else, stop it!
  • Focus less on the idea that other people don’t understand you and instead make an effort to understand them.
  • Create a morning exercise routine and then stick to it.
  • Appreciate the fact that you are a very creative person and that you have a deep capability to connect with other people.

Style 5 – The investigator

  • Remember that it’s impossible to know everything about everything.
  • Stop trying to prove that you know everything.
  • Stop correcting people when you are in small groups.
  • Take up some kind of creative activity that will get you out of your head.
  • Appreciate the fact that Albert Einstein was a Five.

Style 6 – The Loyalist

  • Do things to counteract your pessimism and anxiety (physical exercise, meditation, reading inspirational books, music that makes you feel good, finding upbeat friends).
  • Take yourself off the hook for the anxiety that you feel.
  • Learn to cultivate trust in other people by first cultivating trust in yourself.
  • Appreciate the fact that you are responsible and hardworking and loyal.

Style 7 – The Enthusiast

  • Finish what you start.
  • Each day make a list of two things to accomplish so that you always feel that you are getting things done.
  • Realize that you don’t have to do everything or have everything right now.
  • Don’t be afraid to face reality.
  • Appreciate the fact that your basic disposition is one of happiness, optimism and generosity.

Style 8 – The Aggressor

  • Rush to give in even when you “know” you’re right.
  • Stop fighting with everyone.
  • Understand that not everyone is against you.
  • Forgive slights by reminding yourself that most people are just doing the best they can.
  • Be vulnerable.
  • Appreciate the fact that you are strong and self-reliant.

Style Nine – The Peacemaker

  • Set boundaries.
  • Understand that conflicts need to be dealt with.
  • Exercise or do other things to help you come more fully into your body.
  • Do things that will help you to really feel and express your emotions.
  • Stop spending so much time in front of television screens or computer screens.
  • Appreciate the fact that you are open-minded, diplomatic, and receptive.

The key here is to start taking yourself and everyone else off the hook. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have boundaries or that you don’t take responsibility for what you do. Quite the contrary, what I’m advocating is that you see how you’re wired and embrace all of it.
In our retreats here in Sedona, we use the Enneagram all the time because it gives people such insight, especially with couples. I can’t tell you the number of times that people get this information and they’re like “oh my gosh, this explains everything”.  
Just a few weeks ago we had two people come who had been fighting non-stop during their whole marriage. He felt like nothing he ever did was good enough, she felt like nothing he ever did was good enough, he was constantly angry with her and of course, she hated all that anger. It turns out she is a One (the perfectionist) and he’s and 8 (the Aggressor, the fighter).
When we discussed the two Styles with them, they both said, “Isn’t that how everyone is?” because we make this assumption that everyone reacts the way we do. She said “Doesn’t everyone want to have everything be perfect?” and he said, “Doesn’t everyone lash out in anger when they get upset?”
She really got it how her perfectionism was driving him away and he really got it how his anger was keeping them apart. With their other sessions, she was able to let go of some of her perfectionism (and also saw how it came from things that had happened during her childhood from her mother who was also a perfectionist).
We dug deep and found some of the core wounding that led to a lot of his anger and released it. Underneath the perfectionism and the anger, they discovered they really did love each other and when that happens, it really helps those things melt away. They took themselves off the hook and they took each other off the hook, and when you do that, everyone feels happier.
So that’s a lot! I hope you got some insights into who you are and how you can get happy and stay happy. And if you got value from this video, please like it, share the video with your friends and subscribe to our channel.

You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.

The #1 Secret to Keeping Love Alive (It’s Not Communication)

Happy Valentine’s Day! The day of love and lovers.

In the very recent past I have learned from one of my practitioners what he and I (and my husband) have all come to believe is the #1 thing that you either have or don’t have in a relationship, that makes it or breaks it… and that is…

Are you nurturing each other?

Does your beloved nurture you?

Are you nurturing your beloved?

It seems like a simple question, but it’s not at all. Because it’s about a way of being. It’s a decision you’re making in every moment.

Do you truly want to nurture your beloved?

Do you want to nurture them in the way they want to be nurtured?

Or are you constantly picking at them, criticizing them and thinking nasty thoughts about them?

As most of you know, I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years and now I’ve done couples work in Sedona for over 17 years. It appears to me that relationships are either mainly in the “I love you” zone or the “you drive me crazy” zone. And it seems like once you’ve rounded the corner into the “you drive me crazy” zone, there’s not much going back unless you really do something about it.


There are basic problems that seem to show up a lot when the nurturing factor isn’t there. And in my experience, there are things that seem unique to women and unique to men. This is also borne out in John Grey’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series of books (so please don’t write me that I’m stereotyping — I’ve watched this for over 37 years!).

If you’re a woman, do you…

  • complain a lot to your partner?
  • complain a lot about your partner to other people?
  • take everything over because he won’t do the stuff you want him to do in the way you want him to do it?

Sorry, ladies, I see you do this a lot, especially the taking over part, because you’re so darn competent!

If you’re a man, are…

  • you not engaging emotionally with your partner?
  • there times when you simply tune your partner out?
  • there times when you sit and listen, and then start rattling off unasked-for- advice?

Sorry, guys, I see you do this a lot, because you are about helping your woman (but it doesn’t help when she just wants to unload).

These are danger signs. Big signals telling you, “STOP! You’ve got to do something here.”

If you’re a woman, put some brakes on the complaining and stop doing everything because he’s not doing it right.

If you’re a man, start listening and start really engaging emotionally. Easier said than done, right?

The biggest thing is, you both have to make this basic decision –

“I love this person and I want to nurture them.”

What’s that going to take?

  • Willingness
  • Dropping your resentments about what’s happened in the past
  • Coming back into loving connection

Again, I know that these are all easier said than done. But if you’re finding that you’re out of the Nurturing Zone, you can recognize that and you can do something about it. You literally can shift everything around by making the simple decision –

“I want to nurture this person and I’m going to figure out how to do that.”

Like I said, this is easier said than done. Letting go of past resentments is usually pretty difficult for both parties and that’s usually what’s holding one or both of you back from really getting into and staying in the Nurturing Zone.

Or maybe you don’t have clarity about what you truly want. It’s hard to go out of your way to do something for the other person when you’re not 100% sure that you want to be with them.

Let us help you get back into the Nurturing Zone. Come to Sedona and do a Couples Retreat. Give it to yourselves as a Valentine’s Day present. Wouldn’t that be the most amazing present you’ve ever had? Coming back into the love and connection that brought you together in the first place?
Call us and connect with one of our Angel Guides. They’ll connect with both of you separately and really dig deep to discover what’s keeping you out of the Nurturing Zone. Then they’ll put together a retreat that’s custom designed for exactly what you need and want, and to bring you back into the love, connection and sizzle that you crave.

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you. 

You might also like to download your free copy of our “Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats.” That will give you a real idea of what we do and how it works. But even if you don’t do this, please – for the sake of your relationship – do SOMETHING to get yourself back into the Nurturing Zone.

You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.

How to Find Out Who You Really Are

For so many years, I hated myself because I would get angry. I somehow thought that if I was REALLY a spiritual person (and by that I meant not a phony spiritual person, because I had seen a lot of those), then I would never get angry at anyone, ever. The worst part was, I would hate myself when I did get angry and I would tell myself all kinds of terrible things about myself that simply weren’t true.
Then I found the Enneagram and discovered that I’m an Eight, and I’m wired to get angry, but I’m also wired to be loving, caring, strong and compassionate. The Enneagram opened up a whole new world for me in understanding and having compassion for myself and even better, having understanding and compassion for others.
This might be some of the most valuable information you’ve ever received, so watch the video now:
The basic idea of the Enneagram is that there is Nothing Wrong with you and there’s nothing wrong with anyone else, we’re all just wired differently to behave the way that we do. This is a big one to wrap your head around and I can hear you out there saying, “No, Debra that can’t be true, this person is terrible and this person is a liar, and this guy is a jerk.”
AND I WANT TO PUT IN A BIG CAVEAT HERE AROUND THE QUESTION:
What if a person has done something, like broken the law or is abusive? Isn’t that wrong?
In our discussion that Nothing Is Wrong, I’m not advocating that we go through life without boundaries, rules or laws. I was an attorney for over 20 years, and I have a deep belief in the rule of law. People who have violated our beliefs of what is moral or ethical (murder, rape, violence, theft, etc.) are to be held accountable, and their actions are not to be condoned.
But here, I’m talking about you. You and the people who are around you – your husband, your wife, your children, your friends, the normal everyday people that you run into, the people who are in your life.
And the concept that I’m talking about is that when we drop judgment about ourselves and others, it’s amazing what happens.
As Christ said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”
But that’s so hard to do when this person and that person are acting like such jerks!
This is why I love the Enneagram. Because it teaches us that we are wired to be who we are and everyone else is wired to be who they are. And it moves us into compassion, which allows you to shift how you look at yourself and others.
The Enneagram originated in the Middle East hundreds of years ago and was brought to the West by the Crusaders. Because monks kept the process alive during the Dark Ages, many Roman Catholics are aware of the Enneagram.
The Enneagram is a system for deeply understanding your basic personality…
What makes you tick?
What drives you?
What makes others tick and drives them?
It helps you to see that your quirks and patterns are just part of who you are and how you’re wired.
Here’s how it works. You take a test. It tells you which number you are – there are 9 numbers. I prefer to use the word “Style,” because people generally don’t like to be called “Numbers.”
Each Style represents a deep belief that an individual uses to help navigate their life, but these beliefs are actually lies that are holding the self back from a connection with happiness, love, and contentment. You aren’t telling yourself this lie consciously; it’s an unconscious belief that is usually buried very deeply. When you discover the lies that you are telling yourself, it’s as though the entire world opens up. When you discover the lies other people tell themselves, it brings you to a deep level of understanding and compassion for them.
When you are still operating your life based on a lie, you are operating as your unhealed self. Once you see the truth, you can move toward healing.
This information is vital because it tells you how you are wired. It helps you see that some of your quirks and patterns are a deep part of who you are and that you don’t necessarily choose them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t accept responsibility – quite the contrary. By taking total responsibility, you can take this information and use it for transformation.
In an interesting book I read about the Enneagram, the author said that there is an “initial shock” in finding out exactly who you are – and he’s exactly right. It was a shock to find out not only how I do things, but to also discover how other people do things.
And that’s another interesting part. I see all of the time how almost everyone assumes that others will react in the same way that they do to a particular situation. Nothing could be further from the truth. In a small group that we organized around the Enneagram in Sedona, we made a point to talk about particular situations and our individual reactions to them. I was stunned to discover how differently people responded. A situation that would make me incredibly angry, for example, would be absolutely no problem for someone else.
At this point, I want you to take the test. The information is here on the video for the website you go to to take the free test. I don’t want your test to be influenced by any of the things I’m about to say in talking about the different Styles.
Go here to take the test now.
If you hit a question where you’re not sure, answer it as you would have at the age of 25. If you’re younger than 25, just answer how you feel, if you’re older than 25, answer it as you would have at age 25.
Stop and take the test. It will take about 10 minutes.

Start here after you’ve taken the test.
Did you take it? If you didn’t, stop and take it because it’s really, really important.
Now you know what number, or what I will call your Style, you are.
What I’m going to do is go through each of the Styles and talk about the healed aspects and the unhealed aspects. Now – I don’t know anyone who is completely healed or completely unhealed. We kind of go back and forth at different times.
It’s also important to understand that there are no good or bad numbers. Nothing Is Wrong with any of the Numbers or Styles. It’s just the way that we’re all wired to navigate the world. Everyone is different and everyone is uniquely fascinating.
Style One – The Perfectionist
The lie they are telling themselves is, “Everything has to be perfect for me to be happy.”
It’s easy to see what a set up this is for having an unhappy life, if you are telling yourself that “Everything has to be perfect for me to be happy.”

  • Unhealed Ones are: critical, controlling, anxious
  • Healed Ones are: ethical, honest, high-principled, ambitious

You know if you are a perfectionist or if you have one in your life.
Style Two – The Helper
The lie they are telling themselves is, “I have to do things for people for them to love me.”

  • Unhealed Twos are: passive aggressive, possessive, manipulative, irrational
  • Healed Twos are: warm, loving, caring, giving, adaptable

Healed Twos are fantastic friends — they will do things for you and care for you, but if they’re unhealed, they give with a hook… they’re always expecting something back and they won’t tell you what they’re expecting back. They’re the ones who say, “If you really love me, you know what I want and I shouldn’t have to tell you.”
And the Two’s out there are sitting there going, “Well, yeah,” and the rest of us are going, “No, tell us what you want, we love you, we want to give it to you.”
Style Three – The Achiever
The lie they are telling themselves is, “I must work hard, do well, and look good to be happy.”

  • Unhealed Threes are: driven, dishonest, pretentious, vain, consumed by what others think about them
  • Healed Threes are: optimistic, efficient, energetic, practical

These are the people who have to have designer everything, but they are also the most social and a lot of fun, and usually very, very successful, because they’re achievers.
Style Four – The Romantic Adventurer
The lie they are telling themselves is, “I must be different and special to matter.”

  • Unhealed Fours are: depressed, moody, self-absorbed, temperamental
  • Healed Fours are: romantic, expressive, supportive, compassionate

Fours think they’re special and they think that nobody gets them; healed fours are very romantic and creative.
Style Five – The Investigator
The lie they are telling themselves is, “I must know everything about everything in order to be happy.”

  • Unhealed Fives are: stubborn, negative, secretive, distant, arrogant about what they know
  • Healed Fives are: independent, inventive, wise, perceptive

Einstein was a 5.
Style Six – The Loyalist
The lie they are telling themselves is, “By being loyal to someone or something else, I will be taken care of.”

  • Unhealed Sixes are: anxious, controlling, paranoid, insecure
  • Healed Sixes are: loyal, practical, responsible, self-reliant, team players

Sixes are the most anxious, I mean think about it – if you believe your happiness lies with someone else, that can put you in a state of constant anxiety. But if they’re healed they are wonderful team players; they are great employees.
Style Seven – The Enthusiast
The lie they are telling themselves is, “I must avoid pain to be happy.”                                                                                      

  • Unhealed Sevens are: possessive, manic, restive, narcissistic, scattered and don’t want to look at problems
  • Healed Sevens are: spontaneous, versatile, enthusiastic

Sevens are the Happiest of the Styles. One of my good friends is a 7 and she is so much fun to be around.
Style Eight – The Aggressor
The lie they are telling themselves is, “I have to fight for everything I have.”

  • Unhealed Eights are: angry, aggressive, confrontational, grudge holders, think they are right about everything
  • Healed Eights are: courageous, direct, self-reliant, self-confident, decisive

I’m an 8. I’ll talk more about that later.
Style Nine – The Peacemaker
The lie they are telling themselves is, “I must have peace at any price.”

  • Unhealed Nines are: stubborn, obsessive, judgmental, complacent, passive-aggressive, defensive
  • Healed Nines are: creative, accepting, trusting, supportive

Nines are doing everything they can to control situations so as not to disturb the peace

So that’s a lot to take in. Sit with it a little while and in the next video, I’m going to talk to you about how all this can help you and I’ll tell you all about How I Went from Being an Unhappy Eight and Stopped Fighting with Everyone.
I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did and if you got value from this video, please like it, share the video with your friends and subscribe to our channel.

And if you want a more direct path to getting and staying happy – then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.
Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at 928/204-5988.
You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.

Do you have a Divine Connection?

Do you feel happy or unhappy?

The answer might actually come down to a different question —

Are you connected or disconnected?

I believe all of us come onto the planet with a divine spark, a divine connection. And then for many of us (myself included), it can get muddied up along the way as we go through life. And once that happens, it can be virtually impossible to live a really happy, contented and connected life.

Watch my video to find out about your Divine Connection and what you can do to reclaim it.

If you’ve been following along, you know that in these series of videos, I’m talking about concepts from my book, The Journey to Happy– How Embracing the Concept that Nothing is wrong can transform your life.
In my book, I talk a lot about Connection, because I believe that’s what’s causing a huge amount of problems that people have today. People feel disconnected from other people, even from their own families… they feel disconnected from the larger society… many people even feel disconnected from themselves, and I say that because so many people hate themselves or dislike themselves. 
And then there’s the disconnect that results in all the negativity it feels like we’re surrounded by all the time.
What causes that? Why do people come at things from either a “glass half empty” or “glass half full” point of view? We know from the Enneagram (which I talk about in some other videos) that some of this is about how we’re wired, but there are also things that happen to us as we go through life.
My own personal belief is that when we come onto the planet, we all come here – and I mean all of us come here – with a divine spark, a divine connection.
The Bible says that we are created in the image and likeness of God. Hinduism teaches that our Souls are Godlike.
I see this Divine connection that we all have as this beautiful jewel that is perfect and strong, and cannot be destroyed.
But then stuff starts to happen.
Mud & Gunk get splattered all over until all we can feel is the mud and the gunk
until it gets buried so deeply that we don’t even realize that it’s there anymore. All we can see and feel is the mud and the gunk. We lose that connection to the Divine and that feels really awful. It’s in that disconnected state that people can do some pretty terrible things.
I don’t know if this story is true, or just a teaching that I’ve heard many times, but I love this story… A monastery in Asia had a large, beautiful statue of the Buddha made entirely of pure gold. There was a war and the monks knew that their monastery was about to be invaded. They decided that to save the statue, they would cover it over with mud and make it look like a simple ceramic statue. Many years passed and after a few generations, everyone completely forgot that the statue was made of gold. One day the statue was being moved and it was dropped. The stucco cracked. And underneath was the beautiful brilliant gold!
I especially love two things about this story. The primary thing is that the “real” Buddha, the golden one, is hidden underneath all of the gunk. Just like with you, the real (golden) you is underneath all that gunk. The other part is that it takes a cracking in the exterior coat of gunk for the real you to burst forth and be seen.
I believe the trials and tribulations we all experience are just a set up for the cracking to take place. I had to reach my lowest point before I started to crack. Alcoholics Anonymous talks about hitting “rock bottom” before addicts are willing to do something to heal their addiction. The Bible talks about God being able to more easily come through “the cracked vessel.”
If you are reading this and are in a place in your life right now where everything seems to be wrong, let me tell you that I feel your pain. That’s exactly where I was almost 20 years ago when I first came to Sedona. Every area of my life was messed up – work, marriage, money, body… I know how awful it is. I know what it feels like to not want to drag yourself out of bed to face another day.
But the truth is, sometimes that can be the most incredible place to start, being the cracked vessel, because it means you can allow your Divine Connection to get activated again.
Because – and here’s the important part – it’s always been there, it’s never gone away, it’s always been with you. It’s that beautiful jewel that is perfect and strong, and cannot be destroyed.
So how can you connect back up with it? The first part is to start believing it’s there in first place.
Can you do that? Can you take that Leap of faith?
I’m not saying you have to do a complete 180 degree turn here, but could you just try this idea on for size? Because I’ll tell you, there’s a lot of relief when you do that. Just sit with the idea that you have this Divine Connection, that it’s really there and you just to have to connect with it.
And then you’re probably going to need to do something with clearing the mud and gunk… I’ve given you a bunch of processes in these series of videos for how to start doing that with things like Discover the Patterns, Enneagram, and Meditation.
But if you have some heavy duty mud and gunk like I did, you may want to think about coming out Sedona to do a retreat, because we’ll clean that gunk out and bring you back into connection in just a matter of days.
We had a woman here a few years ago who told us, “I hate everything. I hate my husband, I hate my kids, I hate my job. I hate everything. And I’m mad at everybody.”
When we dug a little deeper, we discovered that what was really going on was that she was mad at God. She had two really wonderful, loving parents and they were both killed in a car accident when she was young. She was in the car and she was hurt, but she wasn’t killed. That, of course, completely shattered her world and it resulted in her being so angry because, of course, her thinking was, how could a loving God have done this to her? He must hate her, so okay, she hated him right back.
She also had this huge amount of grief and guilt over the fact that she lived and her parents died, and that resulted in her hating herself for having survived. So here she was, walking around all these years with all this mud and gunk, all this hate, guilt and shame. Of course her Divine Connection felt like it was completely gone.
We did a bunch of sessions with her to clear out the mud and gunk. First to help her to see that the car accident was not her fault. She of course knew that mentally, but before this, she didn’t really get it on a deep level, she didn’t really believe it.
And then we helped her to clear out all that hate, guilt and shame.
But the best part came during her Inner Journey with Breath. The breath took her into the altered state and suddenly, she was there with both her parents. She told me it reminded her of the Harry Potter book where he saw both of his parents in the mirror. She totally felt their presence and was completely filled with love from both of them. But then she said something else happened…
She was filled with this deeper knowing, this deeper love, and she said she felt what seemed to her to be the presence of God. I asked her to describe it and she said there weren’t really any words, that the best way to describe it was that she felt completely filled up with love, that this huge hole that had been there forever felt like it was filled. She was sobbing during the breath journey and she was crying when she was telling me about it because it was so incredibly beautiful.
She came out saying, “It’s so weird, I came here hating everyone, including myself and God, and I’m leaving here just full of love for everyone and everything.” She had made that connection with that Divine part of herself. That was a few years ago and it still feels very real and strong for her.
We all have that – we just have to believe it and take steps to connect with it.

I hope this video makes you feel a little happier and if it did, please like, share the video with your friends and subscribe to our channel.
And if you want a more direct path to getting and staying happy – then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats today.
Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at 928/204-5988.
You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.
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